What is the most hurtful thing anyone has ever said to you..

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oddnumberedcat
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02 Aug 2017, 12:16 am

I had what I considered a very close friend, whose girlfriend would regularly verbally abuse me in front of him (e.g., accuse me of being a basement dweller who would never amount to anything). My offense was simply being his platonic friend. No one likes being verbally abused, but what hurt most was that he would just stand passively by and let her rip into me, shrugging it off by saying he couldn't control her and she was just jealous... which was true, but friends don't let friends get treated that way.

I took the abuse since, in part, the hateful things were things I kind of believed about myself. Who was I to argue with her?
I also truly valued my friendship with my friend; to date, I've never met someone I felt like understood me so well. It wasn't worth rocking the boat. I remember one day, though, I finally asked him why he let her treat me this way; I would never let him be treated that way. Did he let her say the things she did because he, himself, believed them deep down?

"I don't know; maybe," he said.

That really cut deep.



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04 Aug 2017, 12:59 pm

To go away and annoy someone else.

To Shut up

Constant comments about the volume of my voice, I have no control over it till some tells me, I don't want to shout and it upsets me when I am reminded.

I don't think dwelling on this stuff is at all helpful btw


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auntblabby
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05 Aug 2017, 2:21 am

I treat mean people like barking dogs, as untrustworthy and to be avoided whenever possible.



Keladry
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05 Aug 2017, 11:02 am

"Where have you been, in a hole?"

"You're a mooch." (I am not, I don't know how to get people to not give me things or pay for things - sometimes they do these things and I do NOT even want them, and then they call me a mooch! :(

"You're inconsiderate." (while actively trying to be considerate)

"I feel like you're using me" (while actively trying to show gratefulness and and respectful of what they did for me)



1stSauce
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11 Aug 2017, 9:46 am

If only I had $1000 for every time I heard "spastic" or "ret*d" in school and being treated like an object. It's taken so long to allow my heart to heal and to learn to love myself :(



dragonsanddemons
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11 Aug 2017, 12:53 pm

People I know in person never believe just how much I struggle or how hard some things are for me. They see me at my best and assume I'm always capable of that, and am just not trying hard enough at other times. Every single person I thought I could trust to actually believe what I say has made at least one comment that indicates otherwise. For example, no one I've told in person believes that when I'm very stressed, overstimulated, or experiencing a strong emotion of any kind, I can't speak no matter how hard I try, my vocal cords just won't respond to my commands. I'm always told things like "Oh, don't blame your vocal cords," "You can if you just try," and "No, I think you just don't want to." It's very hurtful to try my best and constantly be told it isn't good enough. My father is the worst offender. If he doesn't like how I handled a situation, or if I didn't succeed at something important, he immediately starts yelling at me about how I clearly don't care and need to actually try, and after a minute or two of this, I'm not capable of saying a word in my defense. Then when I try to leave to give us both time to calm down, he calls after me "And you need to stop running away every time you don't like something." I guess I know why I always feel like I'm useless and not good enough - because I'm always being told so.


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crystaltermination
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11 Aug 2017, 7:46 pm

Some years ago when I was even more a hermit than I am now, severely depressed and generally messed up, my mum - understandably desperate - told me the thought of coming home knowing I was there made her feel like she didn't want to come home. She and my dad gave me an ultimatum regarding leaving... Perhaps the oddest part of my life back then was that I was actually in my first serious relationship with my boyfriend, the poor fool.
Their ultimatum sent my anxiety to levels I hope never to experience again. I felt a sense of utter doom and actually didn't sleep for four or five days which anyone who's done the same knows drives one insane all on it's own. You sort of have waking hallucinations.
I broke down shortly after, quite a feat considering how broken I already was. Killed my relationship. But my mum's words will stay with me to my grave. I hate her, myself and my whole situation when I remember her remark, because I know she meant it, even though she has told me since she regretted them.


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adriantesq
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11 Aug 2017, 10:54 pm

My most hurtful experience was in action not speech. My mother hung herself in her old house after she said she was missing it, so I gave her the keys, despite knowing she was suicidal. I betrayed my trust in her. I understand she was mentally ill at the time, but that has not been a comfort to me.

My comfort came when she haunted me to apologise. I didn't know what she wanted for about three months, until the reason dawned on me in a flash, and I said, its okay mum, I know you were ill, and I forgive you, for you were ill.



CharityGoodyGrace
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12 Aug 2017, 12:09 am

My ex, when we were still together, said about me "People don't understand her like I do. She doesn't understand herself like I do. I know she isn't a human being but a robot... a BROKEN robot. And when a mental health professional treats her like a human being, they shouldn't. I stopped treating her like a human being and our relationship got better. I used to be a robot too, but thankfully not yet broken, thanks to you." Said to a female friend of his, while I was still with him! This among tons of other hurtful s**t.



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13 Aug 2017, 2:53 am

"I don't believe a word you say..... you are only looking to further your own agenda and have no interest in the truth." Words recently said to me by a judge when I tried unsuccessfully to fight an unjust traffic ticket. Like most Aspies I bend over backwards to be both honest and fair and this comment made me furious, especially since I showed objective proof the cop was not a reliable witness.

The prosecutor was also nothing short of a bully but at least I expected a character assassination from him.



SilverBoltsisWmax
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13 Aug 2017, 3:44 am

I think when I was threatened to be fired for liking some employees over others. That was enough to show me my job was only for the money.



Keladry
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13 Aug 2017, 11:19 am

GiantHockeyFan wrote:
"I don't believe a word you say..... you are only looking to further your own agenda and have no interest in the truth." Words recently said to me by a judge when I tried unsuccessfully to fight an unjust traffic ticket. Like most Aspies I bend over backwards to be both honest and fair and this comment made me furious, especially since I showed objective proof the cop was not a reliable witness.

The prosecutor was also nothing short of a bully but at least I expected a character assassination from him.


Ouch GiantHockeyFan. I feel for you. I'm the same way - it really really stings when people refuse to believe what I have to say and/or accuse me of something that I didn't do. I'm in enough trouble already for being honest when I do something wrong even when I could have gotten away with it otherwise. It's a real thorn to then be punished for something you are NOT at fault for. I'm sorry the judge was like that.



GiantHockeyFan
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14 Aug 2017, 7:55 am

Keladry wrote:
Ouch GiantHockeyFan. I feel for you. I'm the same way - it really really stings when people refuse to believe what I have to say and/or accuse me of something that I didn't do. I'm in enough trouble already for being honest when I do something wrong even when I could have gotten away with it otherwise. It's a real thorn to then be punished for something you are NOT at fault for. I'm sorry the judge was like that.


What's worse is that I have another court date in February to answer to another ticket from the same cop on the same day at the same intersection. I have even less evidence for fighting this one. I don't know whether to just be an a-hole and say "I know this is a kangaroo court and you are going to side with (veteran cop) but for the record I am innocent" or point out politely how ridiculous it is after 17 years of perfect driving to be stupid enough to run a stop sign when I knew the cop was there and already had one unfair ticket. I googled this cop and sure enough he has a few complaints for excessive force arrests.

I turned down a plea deal because I couldn't plead guilty to something I didn't do. Apparently it doesn't matter in Kangaroo court: the cops word is considered true even with zero evidence. :roll: Granted I know it's just a $360 fine so it's not like I am facing prison time but it's the principle of the matter. Brings back horrible memories of being in school, having the school sociopath beat me, I push him off and get in trouble for 'bullying' the poor short kid.



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14 Aug 2017, 9:39 am

I remember looking at my progress report from kindergarten. The grades were divided into always, usually, beginning and not yet. I got mostly grades of beginning and not yet, only one usually and no areas were evaluated as always. Every single one of those areas were things that should be reasonably expected of anyone before they begin school. I felt so stupid when I read that report.

The sad thing is I sometimes feel like that even now. If I look at my progress, the best I can say is that I am beginning to do certain things. Oh, well, as Denis Istomin says, "I'm here now."



Keladry
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15 Aug 2017, 2:01 pm

GiantHockeyFan wrote:
Keladry wrote:
Ouch GiantHockeyFan. I feel for you. I'm the same way - it really really stings when people refuse to believe what I have to say and/or accuse me of something that I didn't do. I'm in enough trouble already for being honest when I do something wrong even when I could have gotten away with it otherwise. It's a real thorn to then be punished for something you are NOT at fault for. I'm sorry the judge was like that.


What's worse is that I have another court date in February to answer to another ticket from the same cop on the same day at the same intersection. I have even less evidence for fighting this one. I don't know whether to just be an a-hole and say "I know this is a kangaroo court and you are going to side with (veteran cop) but for the record I am innocent" or point out politely how ridiculous it is after 17 years of perfect driving to be stupid enough to run a stop sign when I knew the cop was there and already had one unfair ticket. I googled this cop and sure enough he has a few complaints for excessive force arrests.

I turned down a plea deal because I couldn't plead guilty to something I didn't do. Apparently it doesn't matter in Kangaroo court: the cops word is considered true even with zero evidence. :roll: Granted I know it's just a $360 fine so it's not like I am facing prison time but it's the principle of the matter. Brings back horrible memories of being in school, having the school sociopath beat me, I push him off and get in trouble for 'bullying' the poor short kid.


I wish you luck on the second court date! Hopefully you will have a different judge at least!



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15 Aug 2017, 2:55 pm

"you're not autistic", a former swim coach had the nerve to tell me. Told him I have a diagnosis. He accepted it.

"You don't look autistic", a former aikido instructor told me.

"Autism" means selfish. My (now dead) precious lil "mom" had the nerve to tell me.