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Andy4913
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23 Nov 2017, 5:21 pm

First time post and looking for inspiration of what I can do...

Been in relationship for 3 years and got married 4 months ago. The last month has been hell for both of us. I have autism diagnosed just before we met 3 years ago and she is NT

In short approx a month she snapped because of the way I am...

No communication
No intimacy
No emotion

She says I have made her feel worthless and stripped her of her emotion

She has asked for space so I have gone to my dads for a few days but need to go back for work etc

There is no sign of sorting this out

I don't know what to do

I love her so much

Help please



bunnyb
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24 Nov 2017, 1:55 am

Not much point telling us you love her, you need to tell her! If you have trouble communicating how you feel, could you perhaps write her a letter telling her how you feel and how sorry you are for making her feel this way? Tell her you are willing to do whatever it takes to work it out. Maybe seeing a therapist? Good luck and best wishes to you both. I hope you can work through this.


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MrsPeel
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24 Nov 2017, 6:31 am

Sorry about your situation :( I hope you can work it out.
It's strange that this should happen so soon after you got married. Do you think you might have stopped being quite as attentive towards her as your wife from when she was your girlfriend? I'm not judging you, I think that's very common and normal. Just unfortunate because she obviously needs a fair amount of demonstrated love and attention, and had maybe expected that marriage would provide that and felt rejected when the opposite happened. Sorry if I've got it all wrong, I was just thinking it's worth considering the roots of the issue.
I guess the way to go would be to try all you can to make things up to her first. But as soon as you can, if that works, try to educate her on Aspergers. She obviously hasn't got the picture. She's going to need to understand and accept how you are, and how little you can change your inherent Aspie traits, if you're to stay together long term.
Not that I'm a great one to talk about relationship issues, my marriage is a bit rocky too. But it's been that way for nearly 20 years :)
Apparently, we're not easy to live with.



MaxE
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26 Nov 2017, 10:32 am

What has been different about being married as opposed to in a relationship. Three years is longer than any relationship I was ever in, before getting married. It just doesn't make sense that after three years in a relationship, she was ready to marry you, but after four months married, wants out.

Perhaps you should expand some on the history.


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BTDT
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26 Nov 2017, 10:46 am

Perhaps one or both of you aren't compromising the way you used to before you got married.



Andy4913
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04 Dec 2017, 5:47 pm

Update - Marriage hit the rocks

It would appear to be me the wonderful characteristics of autism have caused a very naive man to fail again...

Always managed to get into a relationship but always been unable to maintain one, lack of compassion, empathy, conversation and intimacy the key issues, sound familiar?

I’ve sent emails, messages, texts and made calls to no avail...

Not even two weeks on from me moving out to give her space it would appear a quality NT replacement was in the shadows waiting...

I’ve left her worthless and a shell of her former self...

Gutted...



MrsPeel
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05 Dec 2017, 4:04 am

Whoa. This was not just about you.
I mean, married only 4 months and already she's given up and gone looking elsewhere? Seriously? Who does that? 8O



HighLlama
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05 Dec 2017, 5:12 am

Andy4913 wrote:
Not even two weeks on from me moving out to give her space it would appear a quality NT replacement was in the shadows waiting...


That says everything about her, and nothing about you. You are quality. She's not. And I bet he's not.

Quote:
I’ve left her worthless and a shell of her former self...

Gutted...


And what did she do to you? Some things you did may have unintentionally made her feel that way, but she also chose to stay with you, meaning she is complicit in her feelings too. Don't make yourself responsible for her feelings. It sounds like any hurt you caused her was unintentional, while the hurt she's causing you is very intentional. It may not feel this way now, but she's doing you a favor if she really behaves like this. In time you'll find someone much better.



MissChess
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11 Dec 2017, 7:44 pm

Andy4913 wrote:
Update - Marriage hit the rocks

It would appear to be me the wonderful characteristics of autism have caused a very naive man to fail again...

Always managed to get into a relationship but always been unable to maintain one, lack of compassion, empathy, conversation and intimacy the key issues, sound familiar?

I’ve sent emails, messages, texts and made calls to no avail...

Not even two weeks on from me moving out to give her space it would appear a quality NT replacement was in the shadows waiting...

I’ve left her worthless and a shell of her former self...

Gutted...

No. No, no, and no.

You respected her need for space, and less than two weeks later she's got somebody else? Sweetness, that's not a failing on your part, and you're only going to harm yourself emotionally if you take on the blame for her bad behavior.

Please absolve yourself of that bit of guilt right now. Decent women don't behave like she has.


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