Seeing my father and sister after 5 years

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Five years ago, I had last seen my nuclear family in Minnesota, and I had lived with an extended member of the family on my mother's side. Anyway, the last time I was home, my family was very rude and inconsiderate that they had me staying for 4 days during New Year's weekend. Long story short, my mother has schizophrenia and is too paranoid to take drugs and so we did not get along. If that wasn't bad enough, my sister, whom I hadn't seen in a year, went into her room and acted like a 12-year-old, and she was 16.

I went home crushed and it took me 3 and a half months to recover from due to a major fight between my mother and I, and then my sister acting the way she did. So, I have had a distant relationship by talking on the phone or e-mailing which worked for a while for both all of us.

My sister has been carrying a chip on her shoulder since she was little because I didn't know how to communicate or control my anger so I used to hit her if she made nasty comments about being different. She did this when she was 9 years old, and it hurt. It then got worse when she was 13 and 14, and her comments got worse and so I learned to be even more "Abusive," as she calls it. Moreover, things turned for the worse last year when we got into a fight over e-mail, and she told me to stay out of her life because I am an abusive mentally ill person like my mother. However, my father said that she has been battling anger and depression, while dating a toxic abusive boyfriend who has put ideas inside her head.

On the other hand, my father and I have always had kind of a rocky relationship, and chose her over myself and so I often felt left out. I also felt like my dad was very negative the last time I saw him in person, telling me that I needed to stay on the system or not taking me seriously. He also compared me to my sister and stated that he chose to do things with her because she had hobbies and I didn't.

Now, I have to see them tomorrow and I am having a friend come with me for emotional support.


How should I handle things tomorrow if things go sour?

i want to say she's acting like the average teen nowadays. i say this because i had to put up with a few the other day. they were really weird.

well---i've recently reconnected with my family. we were estranged for years. i like to have a ready excuse if things get too emotionally intense and i need to leave. (they aren't verbally abusive now---but they are a little triggering, have ptsd.) i don't know what else to say. i try to keep my excuse pretty neutral, but i have one on hand.

My sister is now 21 and still acts like a 12 year old by snapping at every little thing that someone does. This is according to my 13-year-old sister whom I would rather see because I think she's Asperger's too. I like this sister, and we have been close since she was a baby, and she is so much more mature.

I am 6 years older than the 21-year old, and she tells me that she wishes that she were older so that she could beat me up whenever she feels like it. She also reminds me I think I am abuse my power and I abused her all most of her life.

How should I deal with her?

gosh, i don't know. (i waited until my father died until i reconnected with the family---he was the one who mainly was abusive. but that doesn't sound too practical here....)

i take time to "decompress" after i see my family. even though my father isn't there any more, it's still emotionally intense. it's good you're bringing a friend for support. s/he can help you afterwards too. your sister's behavior really isn't about you, or who you are. having support can help remind you of that, among other things.

i would say: make sure you have something/someone to turn to after it's over. also---i would say, don't stay longer than whatever your limit is, if possible. it's hard to remember when you're in that situation---but you're really not obligated to stay.

i don't know if that's helpful or not. but anyway---i wish you the best.