What is the most hurtful thing anyone has ever said to you..

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EggStirMeanAte
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21 Feb 2016, 8:33 pm

Some of the worst things have been said ABOUT me as soon as I leave the room but am definitely still in hearing range.



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21 Feb 2016, 11:38 pm

EggStirMeanAte wrote:
Some of the worst things have been said ABOUT me as soon as I leave the room but am definitely still in hearing range.


I wonder if they do it on purpose, as if to tell you you're so insignificant and powerless it doesn't really matter whether you hear them or not, daring you to do anything about it that would make a difference.


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EggStirMeanAte
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22 Feb 2016, 12:54 am

Spiderpig wrote:
EggStirMeanAte wrote:
Some of the worst things have been said ABOUT me as soon as I leave the room but am definitely still in hearing range.


I wonder if they do it on purpose, as if to tell you you're so insignificant and powerless it doesn't really matter whether you hear them or not, daring you to do anything about it that would make a difference.


Oh god...are you the voice in my head??



windpower
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23 Feb 2016, 8:16 pm

I've had a whole lifetime of people talking to me like something they've just scraped off their boot. Just about every memory I have is of me coming off badly in some way.
The prize winning insult would have to be my mother telling me they only had my brother and myself because they didn't know how not to get pregnant in the 1950s/60s.
We weren't wanted from the start which makes a lot of sense with how we turned out....



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24 Feb 2016, 1:13 am

EggStirMeanAte wrote:
Oh god...are you the voice in my head??


Nah, I'm just used to being talked about in the third person, both when there's no doubt that I'm hearing them---unless they think I'm deaf or I can't understand their language, or I'm just too dumb to grasp the concepts they're using---and when they
might
or might not genuinely believe I'm out of hearing range.

windpower wrote:
The prize winning insult would have to be my mother telling me they only had my brother and myself because they didn't know how not to get pregnant in the 1950s/60s.


Oh, but they did know---abstinence worked just fine. So the real message is, "We weren't going to forgo sex just because we could have an unwanted baby or two and then treat them like crap because we don't want them". It also provides a nice rationale for making sure you don't get to go out with anyone of the opposite sex till as late as possible, and don't even mention to do anything sexual with them.


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MsV
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27 Feb 2016, 7:46 am

By a psychologist :

You are not a real person because you choose rationality over emotions.

Jeps... I stopped seeing her after that.



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27 Feb 2016, 8:43 am

I wonder if it ever occurs to those people that you can have strong emotions attached to rationality.

They say rationality is cold and hostile because it prevents them from using their social skills to constantly bend the rules in their favor, taking advantage of those of us who are socially awkward.

I say rationality is warm and fuzzy because it's my only defense against that. Since I can never make the irrationality work in my favor, it's as cold and unfriendly as anything can be.


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27 Feb 2016, 8:59 am

MsV wrote:
By a psychologist :

You are not a real person because you choose rationality over emotions.

Jeps... I stopped seeing her after that.


They have been saying or implying autistics are not human and are robots this since at least the 1950's. "The Trance Children" and "The Strangers Amoung Us" were actual magazine headlines way back in the day. A constant theme has been that a real cute normal kid has been lost or kidnaped by (insert fad of the moment) that caused them to "have autism" and the real kid needs to be "recovered".


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MsV
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27 Feb 2016, 9:33 am

Wow... Well I do have a 'fun' side, it's just that it only comes out around people I trust haha. But thanks for filling me in! Maybe of more people were 'robotic' rational thinkers, there might be less conflict.



Edna3362
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28 Feb 2016, 3:35 am

"That's not 'right'."

Said right after another faux pas 'committed' by me.


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MsV
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28 Feb 2016, 12:37 pm

Quote:
I wonder if it ever occurs to those people that you can have strong emotions attached to rationality.

They say rationality is cold and hostile because it prevents them from using their social skills to constantly bend the rules in their favor, taking advantage of those of us who are socially awkward.

I say rationality is warm and fuzzy because it's my only defense against that. Since I can never make the irrationality work in my favor, it's as cold and unfriendly as anything can be.


I just prefer it because it takes up less energy. I usually only become emotional when sick / tired / overwhelmed. Then I shut down. So there's something to be said about rationality as a survival mechanism :lol: . Plus it provides the tools to analyse their reactions and (most of the time) predict their actions :D . Maybe that's why emotional people are so quick to judge rations ones :D.



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29 Feb 2016, 12:31 am

in the army people would talk about me in front of me as though I wasn't in the room. that was about as invalidating as it gets. that was worse than when they'd tell me "women look at you like their pesky little gay brother."



esoterica181
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05 Mar 2016, 12:23 am

My mother: You are such a f**k up.
My father: You should get a pet and take care of it so people can see how caring you are.
My father: (After my first bf broke up with me.) He saw what he was going to get.



Mongoose1
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06 Mar 2016, 6:54 pm

I was accused of not being a good enough single father for my daughter. My daughter is now an astrophysical engineer.


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renaeden
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14 Apr 2017, 10:49 pm

black0441 wrote:
Last year I went to Coachella (a big music festival) with a group of about 5 people who I go with every year. We spent just about every waking moment together for 3 days.

A week after the festival, my closest friend in the group (friends for 25 years!) emailed everyone a group photo. It had everyone in it but me.

The only time the whole weekend everyone was together without me was during a trip to the ATM. So during that one ten minute span when everyone was together except me, that was when they took the group photo. And then emailed it to the whole group with a happy caption.

I had never felt so excluded in my life. I spent two hours staring at it. I checked every face to make sure I wasn't in, because I can be really bad at recognizing faces. Then for the next week, whenever I started feeling good about myself, I would open my email and stare at the picture until I felt horrible again.

I had to delete the picture so I would stop looking at it. I have never mentioned to him how horrible that picture made me feel though.
That's really rotten and I can imagine it would happen to me if I had a group of friends.

The worst thing I can't get out of my mind was when I was at my sister's wedding. We were outside because that was how the ceremony was taking place. I was standing with Mum and she said, "I've just found out that a second cousin is autistic and talented. See, you're not so special after all."

I had not thought I was special, just alone as the only autistic in the family. Well now I guess not. I'm not talented either. So bam, two insults in one.

Maybe now I've written this down, I can let go of it.



kitesandtrainsandcats
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14 Apr 2017, 11:06 pm

Some years ago when I was having a meltdown and general emotional collapse and instead of helping me my wife was making fun of me - even in the middle of the emotional collapse I had enough awareness to ask her a couple of times to quit ridiculing me.
It ended with her getting up, standing in front of me, and literally waving her finger under my nose while yelling, "I'll use ridicule on you whenever I want to! I'll keep using ridicule! And you'll just learn to live with it!"
It will probably not astonish you to learn that law enforcement wound up involved and the marriage did not last.


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