Am I Just Passing?

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So, I'm not on the spectrum. At least, that's what every doctor I've seen as an adult tells me. I'm too far off the DSM for it and in some respects, I'm actually the polar opposite of pretty much every aspie I know (like the fact that I actually get profoundly bored with doing the same thing every day).

But I used to be a much weaker communicator than I am now. Thinking back to childhood, I don't know that I was very good at expressing myself verbally. I'm still a bit awkward if I'm put on the spot but I can at least converse with neurotypical people and they don't see me as anything more than just a little irritating. But as far as writing, it's one of my strongest suits. Between childhood and adulthood was a long period where I focused on learning language as well as I could because I wanted to finally have the words to make myself understood. I'm actually a published author now.

I also used to be much less aware of my surroundings. Now I help my autistic husband remain aware of his surroundings and find I usually parse everything pretty well. Driving is an easy activity for me and I actually do it for fun.

I used to have a hard time understanding people, but I was able to overcome that and I don't usually miss social cues like I did when I was 9 or 10.

But I still have a lot of the peripheral traits of autism, the stuff that isn't really diagnostic criteria but usually comes with the territory. Things like sensory sensitivity, for example. And a few years ago I had a huge stress-related decompensation that carried with it a lowered threshold for misophonia that makes being in public difficult sometimes.

I have been told by doctors as an adult that I'm not on the spectrum according to their criteria, and I was not diagnosed as a child because nobody had a good understanding of the less profound forms of autism back in the early 90s.

My question is, can someone simply choose to learn things like communication and social cues on their own, without the help of a therapist, and pass simply on sheer willpower and intellect? And if so, can someone who functions that well still have a burnout around age 28 or 29? Also, is there any support for people who still pass neurotypical even after a burnout and therefore can't get diagnosed with ASD?

Or am I just on my own with a mystery condition that I'll never find any help for? I honestly worry I'm in one of those weird gray areas between known conditions that doctors balk at treating or diagnosing.

People on the "mild" end of the spectrum through willpower can and do present as almost typical. People autistic or not mature and learn to mask problimatic traits. This causes many them to be mis or not diagnosed. If a person is masking well but is tearing themselves up and exhausting themselves mentally doing so but fails to communicate this to the clinicion the clinition will often miss the autism. It has becoming recognized in the last few years that these problems are particulary acute for adult females because the diagnostic criteria was for autism was originally written for young boys and that because females are expected and taught to please others and hold in "unladylike" parts of their personality.

Autism—It's Different in Girls New research suggests the disorder often looks different in females, many of whom are being misdiagnosed and missing out on the support they need

My advice is if possible is to be assesed by an autism specialist especially one versed in how autism presents in grown women. Of course you might not be on the Autism Spectrum but do have a diagnosable condition for part of the spectrum such as Sensory Processing Disorder. Autistic or not we have users here who have dealt with a lot of the problems you have experienced.

It is absolutely possible to pick up social skills and communication techniques without a counselor. My special interest for a long time was learning everything I could about human interaction. It definitely wore me down and I went to see a specialist in my early 30's. After several sessions and letting some of my natural comfort come through he was able to confirm that I have aspergers. Seeing a specialist of autism may be a good place to start and give it some time so that they have time to get to know you well.

Half the time I get evaluated by those so-called Doctors, I might pass for being an Aspie or HFA, whilst the other half of the time that I am seen by any so-called Doctor, they say there is nothing to diagnose.

Yep totally possible. I got diagnosed last in the row, age 41.
First our son, then my husband and then me. Had a plethora of labels before that. Getting the ADHD diagnosis was lots smoother and easier.

If your husband has been diagnosed you could ask help as the spouse of. There is a risk of developing CADD (Cassandra affective deprivation disorder) which includes mimicking some AS behavior as a coping mechanism.
You don't need a label to benefit from psychotherapy or conseling if you feel you need it.

I was a classically-autistic person until the age of 5.

Then I became Aspergers-like.

I can pass for non-autistic most of the time. People think I'm merely weird or possibly on drugs. I am able to maintain employment. I started driving at age 37.

On bad days, I get overwhelmed, and I exhibit more autistic symptoms.

I consider myself still on the Spectrum.

My first reaction is sub Clinical? I have been diagnosed with the symptoms, but I still am not sure if it's clinical autism or being neglected. I Definitely feel at home here and I think that's all that matters.

Yes I think some can learn these things on their own. You could have symptoms but not enough for the diagnoses. If you were born today, you might have gotten diagnosed and then be considered cured or grown out of it. Even if you did overcome your symptoms and they now became natural to you, congratulations and you are one of the lucky ones and feel happy about it.

Are you still struggling in life? If you do have a burnout and seek therapy for it, you could be diagnosed with depression or an adjustment disorder. I think these are labels doctors use on patients who don't know anything about ASDs.

This is me.

I'm in my thirties, and only recently figuring this out.

I'm 53 and just understanding the spectrum. Two weeks ago I attended an aspie support group in Seattle and I was amazed to see traits in real life, in others, in myself. I came away from that meeting with a profound respect for my own self-discipline foundation of coping and passing, as well as the realization that it is not a bad thing. Yes exhausting to pass and cope. I am currently reframing my life from a much stronger foundation that I value.