Tested as a kid, but I think they missed it.

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Hi. I'm in my 20s, almost 30. I was tested, primarily for ADD as a kid because I had trouble in school -- i was smart but didn't have a lot of friends, acted out some. I was the kind of kid who asked kids to play what I wanted to play but if they didn't want to I would just play by myself. But the therapist said I was just "not a social butterfly" and that was that. I was 7 at the time, and a girl child which i have heard makes diagnosis harder.

I've been suspicious for about eight years, since i learned in depth about the condition in my psych classes in college. My mom keeps waving it off and telling me not to label myself. And for the most part I don't think about it--I hold a good job, I have a couple close friends, I know how to make small talk and business appropriate talk. I can even be really charming and funny. I've learned to go with the flow about changes in plans, because my father reacts rather viciously when he has to change plans he had and I never want to be like that.

But at the same time I have a hard time making friends and in situations where I don't know anyone it doesn't occur to me to try to have conversations. People tell me taking classes is a good way to make friends but when I take a class I'm primarily focused on the thing I'm learning. I have very strong sensitivities to food (if my brain tells me it's not food, even if Iogically know it is -- i will not eat it) and to touch (which I just admitted to my family for the first time and they thought it was extremely weird--I guess they don't know what's going on in my head.) Also, when I'm watching something I enjoy and something particularly wonderful happens, I flail and sometimes rock and pull at my clothes which I guess is like stimming? I don't know. I've felt more free to do these things since I moved out, and my mother stopped bothering me to sit still all the time. But maybe it's just a fangirl thing? I don't know. I also have a lot of executive issues around cleaning.

I'm really anxious even just posting this because I want answers, and then there's a part of me that thinks I'm looking for an excuse for being a lazy garbage human being and I feel guilty. I am almost 30 and still feel like a teenager. I've had two therapists ask me if it was really important I know or not. Part of me feels like if I do end up getting a diagnosis I will have manipulated myself into getting it and that I'm a liar. God I feel sick .

Welcome to Wrong Planet

Wondering if one is lazy is pretty common for people who have a mental condition that is mild enough that by adulthood they learned to appear normal.

That you are driving yourself kind of crazy over this tells me that you do need an answer, that this is important for you. Like you said you are almost 30 and while you may feel like a teenager, you are an adult meaning that while your mothers approval would be nice to get, if it does not happen you got to do what is best for you.

Your flailing around does sound like a stim. Interesting that your dad dispises change of plans and going with flow is something that you had to learn. Problems adjusting to change is an autistic trait.

My advice is to contact those two therapists, tell them you do want to know and of your fears that you are subconcoiusly faking it. Ask for recomondations for clinicions that know how autism presents in adult women.

I am 30 and I too was assessed as a child and it was missed. I was sent for assessment by my grade 1 teacher because I had difficulty with verbal instructions which I now know was central auditory peocessing disorder. They just told my mom back then that I learned differently. This assessment was done prior to Asperger's addition to the DSM IV and the understanding of the autism spectrum wasn't as good.

All the signs were there. Poor social skills, tendency to not interact with other kids and seek solitary activities, poor hand eye coordination, poor penmanship, poor eye contact, sensory related issues especially related to touch and food, poor executive functioning, difficulty coping with change and insistence on routine, among other problems. This all coincided with childhood epilepsy, bowel problems, and anxiety and later depression all which are common comorbid illnesses. Despite learning difficulties in grade 1, by grade 3 I was considered gifted, which my first adult autism assessor described as classic presentation of someone on the autism spectrum. She was shocked that it was missed by so many people.

So yes, autism can be overlooked, especially if you had no speech delays, nor stereotypical rocking, stimming behaviour that just happened to show up during your assessment as a child.