Should an Aspie adult have children?
Hi!
I'm finally in a relationship with someone (an NT girl who's getting a doctorate in astrophysics) and we were discussing children. She doesn't want children. I may.
Then something occurred to me -- SHOULD I have children? What are the risks that an Aspie adult will have an autistic child? If it's more than maybe 10-15% I'm almost thinking it may not be worth the risk. I may want children, but if it's not a very good idea...
Thanks in advance,
ACG
_________________
Autism: when you can solve world hunger but not tell anyone.
I'm finally in a relationship with someone (an NT girl who's getting a doctorate in astrophysics) and we were discussing children. She doesn't want children. I may.
Then something occurred to me -- SHOULD I have children? What are the risks that an Aspie adult will have an autistic child? If it's more than maybe 10-15% I'm almost thinking it may not be worth the risk. I may want children, but if it's not a very good idea...
Thanks in advance,
ACG
My extended family is full of aspie traits. My aspy husband and I are the only ones, however, who ever had a profoundly autistic child.
I think that the younger generations of aspies are looking at bright futures. There are a lot of us older aspies who now have a clue and are trying to enlighten the world about what wonderfully exciting traits aspies have and how we need to make the most of their immense curiousity and inventiveness.
_________________
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
I'm childfree.
I have sensitive hearing and couldn't take the noise. Plus I don't want someone else to have to put up with the stuff I have to put up with. Plus, it's all just too visceral, too fleshy for me. Plus, plus plus plus whatevah, not for me. no.
If you're unsure, the best way to find out is to spend lotsa time around kids.
I like kids a lot, and kids love me. However, I have no idea how to take care of them! I also hate to think about cleaning up after them, lack of sleep, and so forth.
Maybe I shouldn't have kids of my own and just play with my friends' kids...
ACG
_________________
Autism: when you can solve world hunger but not tell anyone.
I wonder about that myself. Would it be selfish of me to have a kid, if I have mild autism? I love kids, and they respond really well to me. However, I have a really hard time dealing with people my own age (I'm 18.) I feel like once my child hit the preteen years, I'd be an awful parent. I just hate teenage behavior. I'd probably get irrationally annoyed if my daughter went on about her boyfriend, if she wanted to party, if she acted phony and 'cool' and was too into fashion - teens are transparent to me. My mom is very strict - she raised me and my sister so that we didn't even want to drink or have sex as teens (My sister is much more popular and social than I am but even she makes good choices and picks good friends/boyfriends). However, the way she accomplished that was insane at times. I feel like I can't be that controlling and strict, but I feel like without the results she got, I'd be disappointed in my children when they hit their teen years. I would take it as a personal insult that they'd engage in foolish behavior and lie to me about it. Also, I wouldn't really want to go out and socialize with other kids' parents - I'd be an awful soccer mom. And I'd feel awful passing it on - I'm all for autism acceptance, but I still wouldn't want my kids to have to deal with what I did.
lelia
Veteran
Joined: 11 Apr 2007
Age: 71
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,897
Location: Vancouver not BC, Washington not DC
I don't know what the statistics are, but I gave birth to three children: the first a very bright neurotypical; the second with retardation, autism, bipolar, OCD, seizure disorder, and nonverbal (Though she does a wonderful imitation of a wookie.), and the third a very bright aspie, perhaps more affected than me. I got sick and didn't trust what I would produce anymore, so I adopted two normal children, but one of the was NOT normal, she has Fetal Alchohol Effect, and frankly, I prefer dealing with autism.
Maybe I shouldn't have kids of my own and just play with my friends' kids...
ACG
I heard somewhere that someone with autism will have a 70% chance of having an autistic child.
My brother, whom I believe has ASD, has three sons who I believe have ASD. And he has an NT wife.
Although I'm a little young to start thinking about kids, I was thinking about if I would want to have kids or not. I would want to have a kid or two; I think it would be interesting to see a person that was partially like you. Yet I'm unsure if I'd be a good mom, if I'd be able to empathize correctly with them. It may change as I gradually get older and learn new social skills, but with that part I'm unsure. I don't know if kids like me and I'm not extremely firm. Yet this is also another one of those things where I'll need to wait awhile: I'm starting to become a lot more firm as I keep attending college, or keep spending time in the "real" world. I think if I did have kids, I'd want to be married and I'd want it to happen later in life. I want to have time to grow and become more responsible as an adult and have time to get a stable job after college, plus fulfill a couple life goals before I'm off to changing diapers, feeding kids, and being a parent. I think it would be worth while after all that work.
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I'm 24 years old and live in WA State. I was diagnosed with Asperger's at 9. I received a BS in Psychology in 2011 and I intend to help people with Autistic Spectrum Disorders, either through research, application, or both. On the ?Pursuit of Aspieness?.
I think NTs mothers do a better job at school commiitees and all those other things that require bonding and teamwork with other parents. There is so much to keep track of. My husband and I both need an NT wife to help to NT things. Raising children is built around an NT culture.
That being said, I was my children's best advocate in some ways because the educators didn't understand autism spectrum temperaments nearly as much as I did.
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Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Whether or not you like other peoples' kids is no indication of how you will feel about your own. And a lot of people don't know how to care for a baby until they have one.
So don't let those issues make your decision.
Further, so what if your child is Aspie? It's certainly not the worst thing to be. In fact, I think the most difficult thing about it is feeling alone and misunderstood, and since you will be there to help, you child will be luckier than most of us. I mean, do you wish you weren't born just because of AS? I'm sure your wife doesn't.
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