Tormenting memories

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I can remember so much the good and yes the bad. I can remember the first time I didn't cry after falling and scraping my knees and I can remember the first time my dad hit me with a belt. I have had quite a few traumatic events in my life which include physical and mental abuse in a mental hospital, being arrested for not going to class at school, I lost control of my bladder at age 17 because of a medication (don't sound traumatic but it was so humiliating it was) and the list goes on and on. Every day I am forced to relive those events and I can't stand it, its like my mind is being torn apart and I get so agitated I take it out on others. Is there anything I can do??

I mainly remember falling a lot- being abused by classmates and teachers.

i remember a lot of bad things happening to me too and i sometimes replay the memories in my head (sucks doesn't it?)

things like getting teased, yelled at etc.

i tend to stop this by yelling STOP! in my head. that stops it for a bit, doing something else helps too. filling the mind with happy thoughts.

if that doesn't work see a professional about cognitive therapy.

I can relate to a few of your experiences, especially my first spanking (eina/ouch) from my dad and being completely inept around people, making a very poor/pathetic first impression. I relive these memories too, over and over again. Keep your mind occupied by doing things you enjoy. That seems to be the only thing that offers some relief.

This is where I find kind of accepting it and not fighting it works best. Sort of like emotional freedom technique, from what I understand (you may want to investigate that?).

Basically, just say "Ok, I do remember these things. They were horrible at the time, they're horrible now, and they aren't nice memories. But they aren't going to go away because I'm blessed with a brilliant mind and memory, so I'm going to accept them as they are and not dwell on them. That was then, this is now, I'm going to move on and learn from those times. I'm a better person now, everyone else involved has long forgotten it - it now exists only in my mind. So I accept they happened, I accept I won't ever forget them, but they're just shadows now - they can't hurt me, they're over, so I will move on."