OCD Support Thread

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I've had OCD since about age 3. It became full-blown severe at age 11 1/2. Life has been pretty good since I started taking Anafranil (clomipramine) in 2008. It has virtually eliminated my once-daily panic attacks, and it keep my obsessions at bay. I notice how much easier I'm able to let go of a thought and redirect my attention. My OCD has always been primarily of the "moral scrupulosity" type. I have to "confess" everything I do that I think is "wrong" or "bad."

Hi Ferris, I hope you, SSF and everyone else, here, had a nice day. I have made a few attempts to answer your question, at the top of your^ post, because the most dysfunctional aspects of myself, stem from Sensory Processing/Sensory Integration Disorder, and I wish to be of help to you, if I am able to, however, I cannot seem to put into words, properly, what I experience. I am wondering if the second paragraph of your post, is related to the first, because, I actually don't experience that when shutting down or melting down.

Overexposure to certain sensory input (crowds of people, multiple people talking at the same time, specific visual and auditory hypersensitivities and auditory language processing), becomes so intense that my mind shuts itself off from everything, everyone, somewhat like pure, instantaneous exhaustion. It feels as though there is very little left of me, and most of the information in my brain is completely drained, somewhat catatonic-like or an apathetic state of mind, or similar. I can lose the will/desire to speak, for hours, or, until the following day. It feels like an automatic protection mechanism, like my brain won't allow any further stimuli or information in, or, have an effect on me, it just completely shuts down/turns off. It is similar to the feeling of being in shock. But, not quite that. I less frequently, experience meltdowns, as the result of overstimulation, but, recently, have experienced a few. I might feel an intense feeling in my nerves, but, most commonly I feel intense overwhelm and the need to escape. I burst into tears. Sometimes, I cannot move, but I feel an intense need to get away from the place that I am in. I don't know if any of what I've described, makes sense. I am not the best at putting my thoughts/feelings into words (unless it's related to a specific emotion. I don't seem to have difficulty with that. But, that's a separate subject, in and of itself). I can list the sensory issues I experience, if you'd like to know them.

Last edited by Britte on 16 Aug 2017, 2:01 am, edited 1 time in total.

Thank you very much. : )) I did. : )

Ah, please know that I knew what you had meant, SSF. I am so sorry. I assume this might have frustrated you, to think that I misunderstood you. No, I hadn't. We simply, coincidently, both felt that we'd interrupted. I hope you had a wonderful day. I look forward to reading through the posts, here, to get the gist of what's been discussed in recent days/hours. I've missed it here...

Thank you for the suggestion, Ferris !

Indeed, we have had longer to come to terms, etcetera, and, I think what you have stressed, here, is an important fact to consider, as we continue to have these discussions.

SSF, you certainly have a wealth of knowledge and information. Thanks for all, that you have shared, here! I am obsessed, or, rather, had been obsessed with the human mind/brain, and, have vast knowledge of several aspects, however, I had never studied or researched _____, or some other areas that that you are clearly, well-versed in. Thanks, also, for this thread! I still need to (re) post my OCD symptoms, as I had listed them, within one of my deleted posts.

Thanks for sharing Britte , I appreciate it.

The second paragraph describes a situation that I have experienced around 3-4 times in my life and have ultimately led to hospitalisation ( due to being a danger to myself ) and I have always described it as a psychotic episode until my last spell in hospital when a nurse told me it was anxiety not paranoia ( this seemed to make an almost immediate effect to me , it was like a magic tablet ) . Since reading about ASD and suspecting I might have it I have tried to identify if any of my problems stem from it so thought this might be similar to a burnout due to the regression I felt ( It may just be a nervous breakdown though ).

Your experience of shutdowns/meltdowns doesn't really seem exactly what I experience. When I experience a sensory ? problem when multiple people talk at the same time , it feels like the volume is turned up initially and then down and I struggle to try and process what I'm hearing ( usually because my mind wants to hear everything converstaion going on , it can't mute out anything ), I then start to beat myself up for being faulty and ruminate , my mind does not shut down it goes into overdrive but I do become a little monosyllabic , the words are there on the tip of my tongue but won't come out ( like getting blood from a stone as my GF put's it ).
I can usually push past it but sometimes have to leave a situation or at least take a break , If I'm stuck in the situation it just becomes really draining and like torture ( it's happened for so long , torture is maybe not the best word nowadays , it's more like - here we go again ). Sometimes I have felt glued to the spot and when I try to stand up - nothing works - a bit like frozen with fear?

Yes I would really like to hear what sensory issues you have as we appear to experience similar things sometimes.

Haha that's great! I'm sorry as well. Misunderstandings happen- don't worry about anything you did . I hope you are doing okay.

I'm extremely scared right now .

Last night, some of the paranoid feelings I have been experiencing went away after I was distracted for a little bit, and I was happy but at the same time wanted to make sure I still didn't think any paranoid/delusional thoughts were true. I went through all the delusional thoughts I could think of, but then I thought about things like aliens communicating with me. I know that is delusional, but for some reason I don't feel like it's delusional anymore. Part of me feels like that could happen, even though I know it's not happening to me. This is so scary. I feel like I'm losing insight, as other paranoid thoughts don't feel as paranoid anymore either. I am still resisting and trying to stop these thoughts, but I think part of me is starting to think these are normal thoughts. I was up at 4:00 in the morning and I couldn't fall back asleep because I had to keep checking whether I believed it or not. This is so scary. I'm losing insight. Why on earth would I think these thoughts are normal? I keep checking to see if I believe this thought and I don't think my insight has gotten any better. I am having a very hard time right now. Any advice would be appreciated .

I'm hating myself right now. I would hate OCD, but I don't think it's just OCD anymore now that I've lost insight .

I'm sorry that you're going through such a tough time. I don't know what to tell you except to hang in there and TELL someone, like a therapist or a trusted family member, about the thoughts you're having.

In the past, I also had thoughts about alien communicating with me. I can't know what's going on inside your head. But for me, I was getting uncontrollable thoughts about terrible things, and was afraid of what it would say about my beliefs and morals. I needed to find something to blame it on, and settled on aliens communicating those thoughts with me. That way, I wouldn't be responsible for those terrible thoughts.

Then, I gradually started to think, "These are my thoughts. I am responsible for them, but they are not my beliefs and morals." And then it started to get better.

Again, this is just my experience, and I'm not even sure if what I experienced was OCD.

Last edited by 248RPA on 16 Aug 2017, 8:02 am, edited 2 times in total.

I am definitely telling my therapist everything when I see him next week. These stupid thoughts are horrific. Thanks for the advice. I'm doing slightly better since posting some things in other forums. Whenever I distract myself I'm okay and I don't get these thoughts. I don't believe aliens are communicating with me (I hope I don't believe that), but the fact that I didn't immediately recognize that as a not normal thought scares me. I seems like what you went through was OCD. I don't know if that's the case for me. I can't wait to get home. I just want everything to go back to normal. I just need to tell somebody what is going on.

I didn't even believe in aliens before OCD .

The only advice I can offer is that my experiences got worse when I stopped getting adequate sleep , I blame a lot of my irrational thoughts , paranoia on sleep deprivation and lots of anxiety. The more tired I am the less insight - so to speak.
Even though you may not feel tired , you mind needs a rest , you may not be getting the right sleep either ( I dont remember the last time I've felt rested after waking up ). I suggest you try to switch off all stimuli way before you go to bed ( TV , Internet ) , perhaps try meditation or mindfulness , you should speak to you mum or dad about getting a Dr to perhaps prescribe something to help you sleep for a few days at least , sometimes a few nights of good rest is all I need. Hope this helps

Also they could be another reason for this but it may be a lot better for you to speak to a woman about it as I have no personal experience being a man, but woman can sometimes get irrational once a month ( and I'm not blaming your hormones but it might be a catalyst , maybe worth talking to a woman about it ? , might not be relevant at all?)

Thanks for the advice. I wish I could actually go to sleep- I slept badly again last night . I do seem more logical and rational now that I am not in bed trying to go to sleep, however.

I have had a terrible experience talking to women psychologists, so I vowed to not go back to that again. I told my mom to specifically get a male psychologists because I can't stand the emotional, stupid guessing games of women psychologists. I don't think hormones really has much to do with it, but it is possible. You can tell when I have an obsession and I don't get the compulsion/reassurance right away. It's almost like the compulsion is my drug and if I don't get it, I get depressed, irritable, miserable to be around, and tired. If I do, then I am back to my normal happy self. It's just hard to dismiss these thoughts when I'm anxious. Thank you for your suggestion, though. I hope you have a nice day.

I'm sorry you had trouble sleeping last night. Are you going to the pool again today?

Sleep can be a big problem and can be a catch 22 situation especially when you start worrying about not getting enough sleep
I didn't mean speak to a woman psychologist , I meant talk to woman here about OCD and if things got worse once a month , it was just a theory , and if you found a pattern about when you felt worse it might help explain things - although to be honest knowing something doesn't always help but it might , I don't want to come across as patronizing but I had a teenager daughter once and have been around woman all my life.
When you mean the compulsion - do you mean the ability to work out every possibility in your mind why it's not true?
I really don't know what helpful advice I can give as knowing how my mind works it doesn't really help - but we are all here to chat if that helps

P.S. Aliens don't exist ( at least the type your thinking about ) , I've had 35 years of anxious thoughts and there's no proof If it helps I have had 'delusions' about everyone being aliens and me being the last human , it turned out that I'm more alien than everyone else
To me all this suggests is that you have a very creative mind which could be used for very useful things if you manage to channel it the right way - writer , artist , musician etc ( I sometimes play guitar for hours as my mind doesn't think about anything but the music - ultimate escapism for me )