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pensieve
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03 Jan 2017, 7:14 am

I didn't realise I would have faced so much backlash over this. But that's Twitter for you I suppose. I see myself as trans male but I'm not sure if I'm more non-binary.

I have known since I was five though, but because of a lot of discouragement, being urged to dress more like a girl and even adopted same interests as a girl (which I felt was a very old fashioned viewpoint) I suppressed it, tried to be more like a stereotypical girl but then gave up and just called myself tom boy.

I've got to say I never thought the day would come when I was allowed to be this way. Though I've felt like I was a male my whole life I never knew what to do about it.

I'm not sure what's next. Calling me 'he' feels just as weird as 'she.' I'm used to being a 'she.' I'm thinking of what everyone would think too. I haven't even told my mother. I kind of spurted it out on social media and she's kept quiet. She did raise me, so should know. She was the one who put most pressure on me to be more like a girl. From choice of clothes, to hair length, to choosing breeds of dogs to like, to drinking beer - I was always acting like such a boy.

What does hormone therapy do? I already have a deep voice, fairly square facial features and broad shoulders. Not to mention facial hair.

Anyway, I hope we can get along because I have barely anyone to talk to about this.


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Holden14
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03 Jan 2017, 3:29 pm

Hey, congratulations on all this, I hope I reach the stage you're at someday :D

I hope things go okay with your mum; not sure how much you already know so this might not be news to you but I've read online that many parents who aren't initially supportive come around to their child being trans after a bit of time, if that helps.

About pronouns...have you got any friends who you've come out to or who might be likely to support you? If so, I'd ask them to try out pronouns for you, eg refer to you by different pronouns and see how you feel about each. Maybe feeling weird about being referred to as he doesn't mean it isn't right, it just means you aren't used to it yet. I don't know. Maybe research alternative pronouns online if you're interested, there are lots of options. For me, the key thing with pronouns was trial and error, basically.

Well hormone therapy (according to my online research, it's probably worth doing your own research too as I've likely missed out some key points) essentially causes a male puberty. So, lowered voice, facial hair, increase in body hair etc. It also causes some clitoral growth (the amount varies between different FtMs), as well as a change in where your fat goes, so it might move from thighs to another place, making your figure appear more "male". It also often causes acne and hair loss.

Hope things go well for you, and congrats again :)


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pensieve
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04 Jan 2017, 6:04 am

Thanks. Yeah, I do have some supportive friends/family members. We're trying out they/them for now and see how that goes.

I'm fairly hairy and have acne. I've had hair loss from medication too. I will look into it myself.

I'm going to spend a few months exploring what it's like to be transgender, trying out the pronouns and learning all I can about transitioning. I don't think I could ever afford to transition completely.

Thanks for the info. I hope you can one day you can accept it too. It feels liberating.


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Holden14
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04 Jan 2017, 11:51 am

pensieve wrote:
Thanks. Yeah, I do have some supportive friends/family members. We're trying out they/them for now and see how that goes.

I'm fairly hairy and have acne. I've had hair loss from medication too. I will look into it myself.

I'm going to spend a few months exploring what it's like to be transgender, trying out the pronouns and learning all I can about transitioning. I don't think I could ever afford to transition completely.

Thanks for the info. I hope you can one day you can accept it too. It feels liberating.

That's a good idea! Do you live in America? I live in the UK which means I can transition for free on the NHS but I have to be on a waiting list for several years before I can. Thank you very much :P


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EclecticWarrior
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06 Jan 2017, 11:04 am

I recently accepted that I'm trans too. I have identified as nonbinary for several years but considered myself neither cis nor trans. I'm in a similar boat to you. I lean masculine and there are several SRS procedures I want done to masculinise/androgynise my body. This is why I now consider myself trans- I identify with the other end of the spectrum to the one I am biologically and am willing to undergo surgical intervention to achieve what I am inside.

Good luck with everything!


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rowan_nichol
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08 Jan 2017, 1:18 pm

pensieve wrote:
I didn't realise I would have faced so much backlash over this. But that's Twitter for you I suppose. I see myself as trans male but I'm not sure if I'm more non-binary.

I have known since I was five though, but because of a lot of discouragement, being urged to dress more like a girl and even adopted same interests as a girl (which I felt was a very old fashioned viewpoint) I suppressed it, tried to be more like a stereotypical girl but then gave up and just called myself tom boy.

I've got to say I never thought the day would come when I was allowed to be this way. Though I've felt like I was a male my whole life I never knew what to do about it.

I'm not sure what's next. Calling me 'he' feels just as weird as 'she.' I'm used to being a 'she.' I'm thinking of what everyone would think too. I haven't even told my mother. I kind of spurted it out on social media and she's kept quiet. She did raise me, so should know. She was the one who put most pressure on me to be more like a girl. From choice of clothes, to hair length, to choosing breeds of dogs to like, to drinking beer - I was always acting like such a boy.

What does hormone therapy do? I already have a deep voice, fairly square facial features and broad shoulders. Not to mention facial hair.

Anyway, I hope we can get along because I have barely anyone to talk to about this.


Hi, first, writing as someone born male and often identifying as male, "Welcome home mate. Glad you made it at last. Make yourself at home "

Hormone therapy. Experience shared with me is that proper medical advice and supervision will be needed for testosterone. For example, a scan looking for things like cycls as the testosterone can set them off into growth overdrive.

It will give you some masculine features. It is likely to bring on facial hair, redistribute some fat and muscle. The gneral word I have is that it becomes a rfar more straightforward matter to be seen as the man you are in your heart; coming home in the other direction, male to female can be a more vexed question, particulalrly hard when coming home (sounds better than "Transitioning") male to female late in life after thirty or 40 years with the body having a testosterone hormone system.

There are some good first person video accounts on you tube. I will give the "My Genderation" series of films by Fox Fisher and Lewis Hancock a good recommendation.

Sorry to say there are some really rude tango whisky alpha tangos on line, on services like twitter especially, the shortness of message matching their attention spans and capacity to understand something new.

writing as someone also identifying as genderqueer, somewhat fluid in presentation, i have to observe pronouns are funny things. He is so familiar in my case that using something else sounds odd. On the other hand, when in company in a feminine presentation someone saying "He" about me is going to sound decidedly odd because it wont match what people see.

I have never broached the subject with my mum; having moved to independant living some thirty odd years ago there does not seem a great need, but that is because work has taken me to a different city. However, I think one or two things are suspected, and occasionally I hear my kilt called my skirt.



Auroras
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08 Jan 2017, 1:58 pm

I don't have much advice to give on the topic, but congratulations! I can imagine it's not an easy thing to deal with but there are always people who will support you. <3

Good luck to everyone here who is struggling with their gender identity!



Goth Fairy
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12 Jan 2017, 2:41 am

I want to say congratulations, but I'm not sure if that's right. Good on you for working things out. As for the other questions, I think the most important thing is to be you and to do what feels right for you. This includes the use of pronouns, how far you want to transition, etc.
You don't need to decide straight away if you will go for full SRS or anything like that, take it one step at a time and work out what you want. Don't let other people pressure you into thinking your not "trans enough" or, conversely, hold you back from what you know is right for you.
I will echo the advice that if you want to take hormones, go through a doctor to make sure you are safe and healthy.

Oh, and also, mothers can be more dense about these things than you would expect. So it might still have been a bit of a surprise.

Just in case your wondering about me, I'm panromantic, my partner is on the gender-fluid side of trans, and I have a slightly aspie-ish interest in finding out about transgender stuff.

Good luck! :)


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cberg
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12 Jan 2017, 3:37 am

Well I do know one friend who's transition(ing) in such a direction, I could ask how that's going when I find the time if you poke me on PM.

Having taken a hiatus of near-total asexuality lately I'm appreciative that you found somewhere to write about this.


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spiderman123
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31 Jan 2017, 7:25 pm

lets see a picture of you.