First lesbian date only made me more confused?

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Writergirl53
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26 Nov 2016, 12:32 am

So today I went on a date with a girl I met online. It was the first time I had ever been on a date with a girl since realizing not that long ago that I'm polysexual, but also more or less my first "real" date ever, unless you count a set-up with a guy many years ago. In general, the date went well. It was a coffee date, and wound up lasting for over four hours. The conversation was nice, and we laughed a lot. At the end, she told me she likes me and wants to see me again. Overall, it would seem like a success, but I'm doubting myself so hard right now. See, after going home and describing the afternoon to somebody else, I realized that this girl was trying to get me to be physical with her, like kiss and hold hands and hug and stuff, the entire afternoon, and I totally missed almost all of her signals and misread them in the stupidest way possible, like she kept stopping the conversation, leaning in, twisting her hair, and looking at me flirtatiously, and I interpreted it at the time as her being awkward and not knowing what to say next, so she was looking at me flirtatiously as a default or something since it's a date, and that's what people do on dates is look at each other flirtatiously. Came home and realized how dumb I was, she definitely wanted me to kiss her, and even when I knew exactly what she was trying to get me to do, like when she bumped my hand clearly on purpose while we were walking to get me to hold it, I was too nervous, and couldn't make myself do it. There's definitely a physical boundary there, but there's more to it than that, I think. I thought about it and realized that even if I knew she wanted to kiss me at the time, I probably wouldn't have done it. I didn't want to actually do it and I don't know why. It's not that she was unattractive, she wasn't, or that I didn't like her personality-- I did. Yet for some reason, I don't think I really wanted to do anything physical at all, or at least, I didn't want to initiate it. I am so confused, because I fantasize about all of that stuff like anybody else, I know I'm not asexual, and I did want to be physical in theory, but I didn't in practice, and I don't get that? It's making me question if maybe I'm really straight, but I don't know that it would have been any different at all if she were a guy. Has anybody experienced anything similar? Will it get better over time? How have you handled similar situations? Note: Part of the problem was definitely that we were in a crowded coffeehouse, and I'm not really fully ready for that kind of PDA, but even when I took her somewhere to be alone, and had the perfect opportunity to do something-- anything, I didn't.



Anna_K
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27 Nov 2016, 12:51 pm

I think it could have just been nerves. It seems like she made it clear that she liked you and enjoyed her time. Has she contacted you at all after the date? If she has, she is probably still interested. If a 2nd date happens, make it clear that you are into her and if the moment is right and she shows the right signals, just go for it. If she doesn't contact you, then she could possibly be holding out for you to contact her because she thought that you weren't interested, or she isn't interested. In that case, you could find out my contacting her yourself. If she replies and wants to go out again, then she is probably still interested.

Like I said, it was probably nerves on the first date and not related to your sexuality because you described how you both had a good time and the conversation was nice. I am bisexual myself, but have only ever had one 2 month "relationship" with a guy and the first few times we went out I was nervous and didn't kiss him or anything even though I was attracted to him.


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Writergirl53
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27 Nov 2016, 4:45 pm

I did write to her asking for a second date last night, but she still hasn't responded, but I did wait over 24 hours before I wrote to her, and she usually seems to wait at least as long as I did in texting. Can't tell if this means she isn't interested or just is playing the game right back?