Ever dated someone with a serious mental illness?

Post Reply New Topic

As you might suspect, I did this once but it wasn't as big a deal as you would think — not material for a Lifetime TV series let alone a one-off episode.

Nevertheless, I could see how many people might warn against having such a relationship, as though people with mental illness are not entitled to affection from another person whereas purely physical illness shouldn't be considered a deal breaker.

I was quite young at the time and didn't really think about negative consequences all that much.

Has anyone else been in that situation, or has anybody here, having a (disclosed) mental illness, been in a relationship with someone who didn't?

My first Girlfriend was beyond any doubt someone with a severe case of Borderline Personality Disorder. Her therapist even said as much even though he never mentioned the clinical name it was obvious what he was pointing to. The good times were fantastic but when she 'split' or had a mood swing, WATCH OUT!

I foolishly stayed thinking that a)she can't help it and b)I can rescue her. Big mistake. Sometimes when someone is drowning (due to their irresponsibility) you have to let them drown to save yourself. I had to accept she was broken, it wasn't my job to fix her and if she refused to get help there is nothing to do but walk away.

I know some people say someone with an illness deserves love and affection but would you say that if their disease was they could easily murder you or ruin your life?

My situation was the opposite. I had gone to a monthly local meeting of a shared-interest group I had just joined, and a young woman (28 although 6 years older than me, so an "older woman") approached me, told me her name, and said she had schizophrenia (although she called it "dementia praecox" a term I was familiar with as it turns out). She had recently moved into town for a temporary assignment related to her graduate studies. After we spoke for a while, she invited me to her place. After some more talk at her place (and possibly drinks although I don't recall) she invited me to have sex with her. She and I then dated for several months.

@GiantHockeyFan it seems as though you diagnosed this person's mental illness yourself, whereas in my case the person in question had been diagnosed years before, and hospitalized for, hers. At the time I met her, her condition seemed to be under control by means of psychiatric medicines. She was a very nice person with a stable personality, in fact my parents actually liked her, even though she was a smoker (something they would have normally criticized). Of course they didn't know about her diagnosis. She did exhibit eccentric behaviors that I believe are typical of schizophrenics, but none of this was in the least bit threatening to me.

I won't go into how the relationship ended but it was certainly not anything you'd read about in the paper. My original point in posting though is that in retrospect (although I didn't really consider this at the time) I can understand that some people might criticize me for having gotten into a relationship with somebody who had that sort of problem, to which I have to say that if it hadn't been me, then whom should she have dated without the stigma of being taken advantage of by the other person? I have no doubt she approached me because she didn't want to be alone at night (I can see how someone with schizophrenia might feel that way), she found me attractive, and yes she wanted sex. None of that made her or me bad people, in fact she was a lovely person (not sure I can make the same claim about myself, at least not at that time).

I wouldn't go out of my way to date somebody with serious mental illness, but I could tolerate it depending on the severity. I've spent my life putting up with my crazy mother, father, and sisters, so I can handle a girlfriend who gives me a bit of grief so long as ultimately her heart is in the right place.

Good luck finding a girlfriend who WON'T give you a bit of grief!

Also, "crazy" is not a formal diagnosis of anything serious LOL.

They have formal diagnoses, I'm not naive, lol, I just can't be bothered detailing them all. "Crazy" is easier.

Not at all. Like I said, I saw the psychologist report when I insisted that she get evaluated. It literally listed the DSM IV criteria for BPD almost word for word. I read them myself and she fits the definition almost perfectly.

Granted this wasn't until 3-4 months in but I knew from before date #1 she had something seriously "off" in general. I just assumed it was something that I could easily save her from. I regret that to this day.

I had girl with Border disorder (orr something like that I am not sure) and that relationship was disaster...

I had a fiancee who seemed "borderline" in many respects, and had quite a few hospitalizations.

She became a drug addict later in life. She committed suicide in 1998.

I am sorry to hear that.
I know it's different, but all my friends and I have severe mental illness. I am friends with a girl who has BPD and anorexia. The hardest part for both of us is that either one of us could kill ourselves or do something dangerous.

Last year, I dated a guy for almost a month, who was diagnosed with bipolar and borderline personality disorder.

Not a serious one per se, but i dated a woman a long time ago who showed clear indicators of antisocial opinions about people and i backed off, giving her some generic excuse that others have given to me.

Would never date anyone with those traits, or BPD.


On lighter side of the illness...

I talked to a girl who was oversensitive to sound, and while she was the most awesome and seemingly nice girl i conversed with, we never met because she lived so far away from me (approaching the north of Sweden).

Another one i dated (first internet date i ever had) was a bit aspie-ish (thinking back on it), beautiful and very nerdy... but she went back to her ex. Hard thing was that i fell in love with her, we chatted every day after the date until that ex thing happened.

The fact that Aspergians are naturally naive, and notoriously bad at accurately reading and recognizing social cues means we naturally attract people who seek to manipulate and use others - we're such soft targets.

Speak for yourself, i almost punched a guy today in the subway who almost crushed my hand and accused me of being a jerk.

My parents did not keep me in a bubble trying to protect me from this world. We're not all the same.

I have a few mental illnesses including Aspergers, dyslexia, ADD, OCD, anxiety, & minor depression. The 3 girlfriends I had also had mental illnesses. My 1st had dyslexia, sever ADHD & minor OCD. My 2nd had Aspergers & anxiety & maybe OCD. My current is on the spectrum, has depression, anxiety, OCD, a stress illness, social anxiety, Avoidant Personality Disorder, & is on the border of having Borderline Personality Disorder.

I did unknowingly and it was a disaster. My husband has anxiety. I am not sure what you mean by serious but his anxiety doesn't affect me so it must not be that serious. To me serious mental illness is when it affects others around them than just themselves. His anxiety doesn't affect me so not serious there. But my other two, oh yeah because it did affect me and the second one affected my self esteem it took me awhile to trust my husband with things he would tel me about myself because they were all the opposite of what my ex had told me.