Climbing but not getting anywhere

Post Reply New Topic

I've read that the more impressive climber is the blind one who slowly but surely makes it to the top of the mountain than the one who can see and makes it there quickly. This was in a book called The Love-Shy Survival Guide by Talmer Shockley, someone with both love-shyness and Aspergers. His book tried to convey that it's still possible to learn the social skills to establish relationships even if you missed out on them in your developmental years.

Unfortunately, I always feel like I am climbing but I am never actually getting anywhere. It's like I keep slipping and falling no matter how hard I try. With each fall, I get more and more damaged to the point I wonder why I am even still alive. Even Talmer himself said he felt like his chances decreased the older he got and he eventually disappeared without a trace. I am afraid my fate will be the same.

People tell me to work on myself but what if it feels like nothing is progressing no matter what I do? I am almost 30 and I don't have any goals or a path to follow.

What are you doing towards finding a partner? What are you doing towards making yourself more attractive to a partner? Like no offence but as far as I can tell most women aren't particularly interested in 30 year-olds with unhealthy diets who still live with their parents and aren't really advancing career-wise. It's just the way it is. If you want someone to be with you, you have to give them reasons to want to be with you, both superficial and substantial. I don't doubt that you're a nice enough guy, but that on its own isn't going to win many hearts.

And for the millions of men who can’t ? Do we get provided cyanide capsules?

Oddly most men aren’t interested in fat women but most fat women have relationships so why do men lower their standards but women don’t 0.o fairer sex my but

I sometimes feel like I've exhausted all potential options. I tried online dating as well as speed dating and those didn't lead to anything productive. I tried asking girls out for coffee and I got both a "I have a husband." and "I am too busy." respectively. I used to go to a gym but my body didn't respond to my efforts.

I've actually seen fat men with skinny girlfriends. It really confuses me to no end, especially after how I was told I needed to be an iron pumping alpha male.

My mother actually thinks the fact I live with her shouldn't matter because she thinks the majority of millennials live with their parents but I tend to think the opposite is true.

The fat guys probably have good jobs. Status,status, life together etc.

Most women our age and Ben younger have good jobs, cars and their own place or even own a house. They got their life together at 22

You've done everything to meet women but what are you actually showing them to make them want to be with you? If nobody sees the value in a particular product, it doesn't matter how or where you market it, people aren't going to buy it.

We've been over the gym thing. You can't say your body doesn't respond to exercise if your diet remains bad while exercising. Your body will respond to burning more calories than you consume. Exercise helps with that but not if you eat a tonne of junk food.

The fat men you see with skinny women probably have their loves together, i.e are independent, have decent jobs and social skills.

'Milennials' are a pretty large age group. I'm 21, and a lot of my friends of similar ages do still live with their parents, but the admittedly fewer people I know nearing or in their 30s all have decent jobs and don't live with their parents. Go with your lived experience here and not your mum's say-so.

I think you need to start considering what women want if you want women to want you.

I don't believe there are millions who can't. Maybe thousands who don't, but if you really can't, whose fault is that? It's not women's fault if they're not interested in you, nor is it their responsibility to lower their standards to suit you. It's your responsibility to be interesting to them

It's not about fairness. It's about being with someone you'd like to be with or else staying alone if no such person wants you. You don't have low standards because you are fair either and you don't want to be in a relationship because you're such a nice person. You want to be in a relationship because you think it would make you happier. Right, you would try to make your partner happy if you had a relationship, but that's not the reason why you want one. The reason why you want one is because that's how you want to live your life. The reason why your standards are low is because you'd rather be with (almost) anyone within a certain age range and a few other conditions than alone and because you happen to not care about some things that matter to many other people. It's not about fairness. You're trying to get what makes you happy, or if you see no chance of getting it then the closest thing to what makes you happy. It's the same with all those women, they just think that it's a different thing that will make them happy or think that what they can get is different to what you think you can get.

Yeah, basically everybody's about as picky as they can be if you can't garner interest very easily fron the people that you really want then the only options are to step your game up or settle for less than you want.

The way I've come to understand it, gaining relationships with other people comes down to "salesmanship."

You need to be able to "advertise" your good qualities via your personality and through social interaction. And you need to be able to either minimize your bad qualities, or even try to paint them in a positive way.

I've seen plenty of poor blokes with chicks, but that's because they have "game."

No one around me had those outlooks or atleast they didn't put them like that to me. It was all about calling yourself a Christian so you aren't "immoral" but at the same time, you had to party like crazy and be an alpha male. This is partly why I lost my faith in God. I found it extremely contradictory why so many Christians proclaim to be Christian but they don't take their faith seriously.

Christianity is a thing where we live mostly due to local culture. Your problem isn’t with Christianity. It’s with nominal Christians. It’s easy to profess something when the local culture makes it easy to live out. Try being consistent when an ISIS member threatens to behead your child unless you convert.

Another problem we have is that faith is often a progressive journey. One may very well be a born-again Christian, but what that actually means isn’t something one can easily, instantaneously internalize. It takes time. People who are true believers and living inconsistently may simply be works in progress. I’m no womanizer, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have other issues.

In short, they aren’t out to get you.

Again, they're just "advertising" themselves as "Christians.

Most of this life is about how well you can spin bullsh_t.

Bingo.

Based on what I’ve seen, girls more often want to live a Christian lifestyle than boys do. When girls stick together and boys leave them alone, they can talk a big talk about how holy and righteous they are because it’s easy at a certain stage of life.

They run into trouble because they have hormones just like boys do and boys won’t leave them alone. No matter how many times she says no, the boy will keep at it until he gets a yes out of her. She thinks she’s safe because he swears he’s a good Christian boy, says he’ll love her forever, and they’ll get married as soon as they get out of high school.

Which doesn’t happen.

Those same Christian boys keep the act up because it makes girls feel safe even when they’re not. Girls who let themselves be tricked into these relationships no longer see the point of being “good girls.”

I get that it’s aggravating that people pretend to be something they are not. However, that’s not a Christian thing. It’s a human thing. Men and women are sexual beings with urges that are often at odds with ethics and morality. It takes a whole different kind of strength to match morals with the reproductive instinct—and that’s just for people honestly trying to live a moral life. That doesn’t even touch men who are totally aware that they’re being evil and don’t care.

Then women shouldn’t be called the fairer,kinder, mor about love gender. They just as superficial as men. It use to be said women dated for love, it’s not true. If you require a man to have high status it’s not love. Love is blind, love doesn’t care about material things. Love is dead in today’s times. Quite sad. My standards are low because I want love not to be rich and feel I’m above others. Material things mean nothin you can’t take your money with you when you die. All that rally matters is love and people,around you who love you. But if women would rather die alone with their money so be it. I’m sure they’re all like past people regret it in their old age. Lots of middle age women are now depressed as it’s too late for them to find love and have a family something they only realized when it was too late. Way to go karma I say.

I suppose you equally support men refusing to date fat women and fat shaming them? After all those men are just seeking the way they want to live their lives and what they want. But most women say different that’s it’s wrong welp I say it’s equally wrong to refuse low paid men and shame them too then.