Page 1 of 1 [ 12 posts ] 

lotusblossom
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Jan 2008
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,994

08 Dec 2009, 5:26 am

hi

Does anyone else have a strong need to be understood in their relationship.

I always find it very off putting when I find someone does not understand me, when they give off hints that they view me as someone Im not.

There is just something so liberateing when I find someone who does understand me, it makes me feel free and acknowledged and recognised. I just find it so repelling when people dont understand me or who I am, it makes me feel like there is no common ground between us.

Does anyone else relate to this need to be understood?



curtis122
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 4 Nov 2009
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 138

08 Dec 2009, 6:32 am

Yes I have a strong desire to be understood. I always feel much more free when I know someone understands me I feel like I can just be my self and let out any problems I have.



08 Dec 2009, 7:50 am

lotusblossom wrote:
hi

Does anyone else have a strong need to be understood in their relationship.

I always find it very off putting when I find someone does not understand me, when they give off hints that they view me as someone Im not.

There is just something so liberateing when I find someone who does understand me, it makes me feel free and acknowledged and recognised. I just find it so repelling when people dont understand me or who I am, it makes me feel like there is no common ground between us.

Does anyone else relate to this need to be understood?



I think this is normal for everybody. Even NT's want to be understood and other ND's.

Relationships are all about understanding your partner. If your partner doesn't understand you or even try or can't accept you for who you are, then they aren't right for you.

I want to be understood too and am thankful I've found the right man.



lotusblossom
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Jan 2008
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,994

08 Dec 2009, 9:07 am

Spokane_Girl wrote:
lotusblossom wrote:
hi

Does anyone else have a strong need to be understood in their relationship.

I always find it very off putting when I find someone does not understand me, when they give off hints that they view me as someone Im not.

There is just something so liberateing when I find someone who does understand me, it makes me feel free and acknowledged and recognised. I just find it so repelling when people dont understand me or who I am, it makes me feel like there is no common ground between us.

Does anyone else relate to this need to be understood?



I think this is normal for everybody. Even NT's want to be understood and other ND's.

Relationships are all about understanding your partner. If your partner doesn't understand you or even try or can't accept you for who you are, then they aren't right for you.

I want to be understood too and am thankful I've found the right man.


Its not normal for everybody as there are plenty of books called 'men are from mars and women are from venus' which indicates that a lot of people do not understand their spouse. Also all the dating books for men such as 'the game' and 'the mystery method' indicate that men and women do not understand each other.

In my opinion in most relationships where people think they are understood, it is just because the other person has been able to convey that impression rather than them actually understanding.



Vyn
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Oct 2009
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,070
Location: The fires of the mind

08 Dec 2009, 11:13 am

Well at the same time, there's a big difference between understanding why someone does something and simply accepting what they do, even though they can accomplish much the same thing. For example, I cannot understand why people drink alcohol, yet I accept it (as long as they stay away from me when they do it.)


_________________
I am Jon Stewart with some Colbert cynicism, Thomas Edison's curiousity, wrapped around a hardcore gamer sprinkled very liberally with Deadpool, and finished off with an almost Poison Ivy-esque love/hate relationship with humanity flourish.


lotusblossom
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Jan 2008
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,994

08 Dec 2009, 11:21 am

Vyn wrote:
Well at the same time, there's a big difference between understanding why someone does something and simply accepting what they do, even though they can accomplish much the same thing. For example, I cannot understand why people drink alcohol, yet I accept it (as long as they stay away from me when they do it.)


I agree, I think it is equally liberateing when people accept my funny ways and dont give me a hard time for them.

I think its often harder for people on the spectrum to accept others ways as we often dont get a 'model' of peoples character as easily as NTs do. Ive noticed NT people I know will make predictions of their friends reaction to something which I would not be able to make. Perhaps we need to understand why someone does something to be able to accept it, or know them longer.

I certainly think that my aspie boyfriend has a hard time accepting my funny ways and how they wont change and I expect he would say the same thing about me.



FaithHopeCheese
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Oct 2009
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 534
Location: I think I'm lost

08 Dec 2009, 12:19 pm

I have a very strong need to be understood. I wish people would look a little deeper than what is exposed on the surface. A lot of people don't even understand themselves, though.... Like a bunch of involuntary cons......I don't think the average person really cares about how another person really is on the inside- I think they are more concerned about how to get the reactions they desire...Even the nice one's.


_________________
Get me out of here!


08 Dec 2009, 12:49 pm

lotusblossom wrote:
Spokane_Girl wrote:
lotusblossom wrote:
hi

Does anyone else have a strong need to be understood in their relationship.

I always find it very off putting when I find someone does not understand me, when they give off hints that they view me as someone Im not.

There is just something so liberateing when I find someone who does understand me, it makes me feel free and acknowledged and recognised. I just find it so repelling when people dont understand me or who I am, it makes me feel like there is no common ground between us.

Does anyone else relate to this need to be understood?



I think this is normal for everybody. Even NT's want to be understood and other ND's.

Relationships are all about understanding your partner. If your partner doesn't understand you or even try or can't accept you for who you are, then they aren't right for you.

I want to be understood too and am thankful I've found the right man.


Its not normal for everybody as there are plenty of books called 'men are from mars and women are from venus' which indicates that a lot of people do not understand their spouse. Also all the dating books for men such as 'the game' and 'the mystery method' indicate that men and women do not understand each other.

In my opinion in most relationships where people think they are understood, it is just because the other person has been able to convey that impression rather than them actually understanding.



I meant everyone wants their partners to understand them.



RoadWarrior7
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 24 Oct 2009
Age: 58
Gender: Male
Posts: 41
Location: Gainesville, Florida

09 Dec 2009, 3:55 am

I believe it is critical for us to understand and to be understood. I have a message to NT women everywhere. Don't let guys like us "creep you out". Many of us AS guys are very uncomfortable in most social situations and our "odd behavior" is more likely than not to be a defense mechanism we use when we're under stress. Keep in mind, ladies, that we're often more afraid of you than you are afraid of us.

Personally, I'm a very emotional guy. That "layer of ice" you see is what keeps my emotions inside from boiling over. Finding an "appropriate" way to express these emotions that is uniquely my own is my greatest challenge in relating to people, especially women, on any level. Once I find that special lady who understands and accepts me for who I really am, it will be very hard to let her go for such ladies are very few and very far between. Many of these ladies who meet that standard, unfortunately, are married to men who would never understand us.


_________________
Labels are for jars...and folders.
Closets are for clothes...fabulous clothes.
Normal is a city in Illinois. I am not a city in Illinois. I am just a man.


Fudo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2009
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,696

13 Dec 2009, 11:37 am

"Keep in mind, ladies, that we're often more afraid of you than you are afraid of us." lol this tickled me :) generally very true..

i feel a strong need to be understood & get really quite uncomfortable when i feel i'm misunderstood.. i try to help people understand but have never really felt understood.. i can be "complicated" to an outside observer but i can't be THAT difficult to understand right?



Asp-Z
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Dec 2009
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,018

13 Dec 2009, 3:48 pm

I believe that for a relationship to work, the couple actually need to understand each other, and no one understands me, not even my own mum.



Seanmw
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Jul 2009
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,639
Location: Bremerton, WA

14 Dec 2009, 6:06 am

Yeah, i have a strong need to be understood too.


_________________
+Blog: http://itsdeeperthanyouknow.blogspot.com/
+"Beneath all chaos lies perfect order"