Dudes--Getting hit on.

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I get hit on far too often. The problem I have is that many of the people who hit on me are far from being my type.

I'm a bit picky about potential partners (I'm anything but an outdoors person so that rules out a lot of people--they can NEVER take me camping no matter how hard they try!) plus I have high moral ground I stand on (I don't drink, don't believe in sex until marriage, and prefer conservatives in terms of values).

Thankfully I'm about done with college (one semester to go and it's student teaching) so many of these girls won't hit on me anymore. It's even happened at church, though, so I'm not safe from it!

My problem isn't that I don't know how to respond, it's that I don't want all the attention sometimes.

I'm in this boat. I've gotten told before when out with friends that i'm being hit on, you know the after the fact thing, walking away from a random encounter and get the elbow to the side and told "dude, she was totally flirting with you"

It's kind of related, at least i feel the same way when it happens, but I also have a half dozen friends who are always trying to "hook me up." Hate it =/.

Not a bad problem to have, dude. I have never been so lucky. It is good to have mates who are trying to the best thing for you.

If a girl is talking to you for no reason at all, you do not know her, and are not in a formal situation (i.e. you're a customer), then she's hitting on you.

I get hit on quite a bit and I love it.

Okay, maybe I should have defined 'getting hit on' a bit better.

For me, it's like the old joke,"A woman walks up to a man and says, 'Nice shoes, wanna f**k?'" That's the sort of 'getting hit on' I recognize...

I would need a hit on that obvious to recognise it.

Indeed. My friends refuse to hook my up with their friends or help me otherwise as of this week because they believe I should first get my household and other aspects of my life stabilised before I look for a new girlfriend..... even though a few succesful flirts would have such an impact on my self-esteem it would be far easier to keep up investing time in e.g. my household.

Probably not a bad thing. In the order of priorities, gettting one's general s**t together has got to come before getting a woman. Mind you, I have had my life together for the last twenty-odd years and have still made no progress on the girlfriend front. Your friends may in fact be tactfully suggesting that you actually need to work on other aspects of your life at the present. Good thing to have friends like that.


Tell about it. My problem is that I wouldn't know if a woman was flirting with me.

You are living proof of the fact that getting your s**t together just isn't enough to be succesful romantically. Thus, considering I don't want to miss out on the chance of meeting my "true one" I rather spend a few years focusing on how to meet someone like that before it is too late..... Other aspects of my life can always come later.



I don't know either. That's why you need ladies' men or women to accompany you so they can point out which women are showing any interest

No, I am never hit on...this sucks ass!

Probably, but given the choice between EITHER being good with the chicks OR having an otherwise successful life, I would always take the latter.

I have been giving this whole issue a lot of objective thought since yesterday after hearing a general comment made by an acquaintance. He was on about all the emotional upheaval he experiences in life in general as a result of constantly chasing women. The comment was made that he wished he could achieve my level of "emotional consistency" (his exact words) and just get on with his life. By this, he explained that I never seem to be bothered by women (or anything else really) and just get on with my life. I was about to point out to him that my situation is far from perfect when I realised - he was right. I am rarely upset by females, I have never been dragged though the divorce courts, I never have to put up with all the "testing" women do to men, I have never been sued for paternity and I don't have to put up with the tempermentality of the female psyche.

On the other hand having focused my time and energies on things non-female has allowed me to become highly educated, build a good career, hold down a high-paying position, acquire more money than I can reasonably spend and above and beyond all else, live a life with the kind of independance I enjoy and develop a host of interests (read "obsessions") that I can devote myself to. Most of the guys I have met who are successful with women don't have any of the above.

I did point out that being eternally single does have its disadvantages. To which, the acquaintance asked why I would want a woman anyway. His logic was that.....
a) I'm happy not having friends. Why would I want deeper relationship?
b) I never talk to or about women anyway (Hell - I rarely talk period). Do I even like them?
c) I am so busy with pursuits now that I would have no time for a woman in my life.
d) I am probably the most selfish person alive - I have no feelings for anyone else.
e) I am intensely private. I never share myself with others. How would I survive actually having to reveal myself to a woman?
f) I spend most of my time inside my own head ( I get widely criticised for that so it must be obvious to the NT community at large). I don't care to relate to the world around me except if and when it suits me.
Upon having the above related back to me second-person, my first thought was that I was being insulted and a punch in the mouth would be an appropriate reply. However, after a few seconds thought, it dawned on me that the acqaintance was right: there is just no way I would be happy in any form of deep relationship with a woman. More to the point, if I ever did get into a relationship, the woman and I would just drive each other nuts. Push come to shove, the only thing I want a woman for is sex - and not often at that. There are a couple of brothels in the city where I live and money is not an issue - problem solved.

As I write this, it seems incredible that I could get to be 43yo and not have worked out the above for myself. That is what happens when you rarely leave your own head, I guess. I find myself thinking about things relationship-wise a little differently. I am not saying that I have miraculously reached a state of complete Zen on the relationship issue. Nor am I saying I am entirely happy with things as they are now (I feel happier but that is relative).

I think what I am coming to is a realisation that whilst I do not have a "normal" life, that is likely a function of me not being normal. However, I probably have the best life for me. I certainly have more to be happy about in life than be sad. To ask the old question, "Is the glass half empty or half full?". I think my glass may have been half-full all along.

I spend a lot of time thinking about this one. On one hand I think if I were more successful in terms of a career I'd have a better time getting women. Though also, it seems the more you advance in the career world, the more of your time you are expected to act adult. Since my first relationship(s) would ideally be rather childlike, this would mean that I would need to meet a girl in a situation where I can show that side of myself. But on the other hand, the more I feel I need to act adult in my professional life, the more I feel I need an outlet to be childlike in my personal life, and in fact the less out of place I feel doing so.

I guess what matters more is from the woman's point of view. If it's simply that having money makes her feel confident that I won't rely on her down the line, that's one thing. But on the other hand, a guy who has a successful career but is possibly too young to seriously fall in love might be a harder beast for women to wrap their heads around than a guy who appears to be in starting stages with everything. And any woman who thinks sex comes with a "you must act this adult to ride" limit is a BIG turnoff.

I agree with what you are saying. However, the point I was making in my post you have quoted is - based on observation - women of quality tend to expect men to be able to demonstrate they have the potential (if not the reality) of being a good provider. Not that being a good provider is the be all, end all but it appears to help. More to the point - again, based on observation - women that choose to be with men who obviously don't have their s**t together tend to be losers who can't do any better. I have seen this phenomenon in action many a time. When it comes to this class of female, I have no intention of fighting anyone for them.

I get his on rarely (maybe once or twice a year if that). The only problem is, I usually don't recognise it till afterwards and by then the opportunity is lost. I've actually asked my friends to point out if someone is doing so I can know.

I wish I got hit on more often though... ahhh...

This! I knew a girl who flirted outrageously with me every time we met, but had a long-term boyfriend. Like, resting her hand on my knee. This is not subtle stuff. One day I just asked her straight if she wanted me to nail her or not. She laughed but stopped flirting after that... I'll never get women.