Why do I get more male attention when I am on antidepressent

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I have found in the past that when I am on medication (SSRI's or herbal meds) to control anxiety/depression, I get more attention by men. It is strange because when I take them I experience a sort of emotional numbness and detachment and emotion does not really affect me much. It is then that I get hit on by men non-stop. Without the meds, I am quite a passionate woman.

Can anyone explain? Do they unconsciously pick up a change in my personality or perhaps they feel that my detachment would allow them to score with me easily?

> when I take them I experience a sort of emotional numbness and detachment and emotion does not really affect me much.

Men as a group tend to be less emotional and less emotionally aware/interested than women as a group. So, if you have removed some of the emotions, passion, and intensity that many men are not interested in, then that is a plus for them. A lot of men find women's emotions drive them crazy, it seems.

So basically you are enforcing the general view that men do not care at all about what a woman feels as long as she is attractive and willing to have sex? Perhaps detachment is attractive to men?
On the negative side, though, antidepressants also make it difficult for me to fall in love, so I can basically have sex without any feelings at all. It is usually the men who catch feelings and want more.

I've seen many documentaries on Marilyn Monroe and as many of you know, she was on a variety of drugs throughout her career. The people who knew her state that she appeared lost and detached from all the drugs, and this was exactly the time that men worshipped her and felt more protective towards her. You can see the detachment and numbness in her.
http://www-tc.pbs.org/wnet/gperf/shows/ ... rilyn1.jpg

It seems that women need to turn emotions off and detach in order to attract more men.

>So basically you are enforcing the general view that men do not care at all about what a woman feels as long as she is attractive and willing to have sex? Perhaps detachment is attractive to men?

Some men. A large group. Not men as a species, but as a population. I'm not maligning men. Just most people. I bet a lot of women like the strong silent exciting type of man rather than a guy with a lot of emotions, too. When the person is unknown, you can have your own fantasy about them instead of messy reality.

Yes, detachment and mystery is attractive to many, in many ways. E.G. I tend to go on and on with too many details. When I shut up and let people pry it out, they are actually interested instead of bored silly.

I'm wondering if it is because you appear less interested in them. I've heard they like a challenge, the chase, the conquest. Just a hint, this is far out of my area of expertise. Except to say once when I was younger, about 16, before I came out as gay, I worked with this stunningly gorgeous guy, that all the girls were drooling over. Alot of them were really acting like idiots over this guy. Even though he was a perfect physical specimen, I wasn't really interested (which I now understand). My mother had always said to ignore men if you want them to be interested, and I decided to try it out on him. It really worked. It was bizarre. Maybe it was just because I wasn't fawning and drooling all over him like every other woman around, but it piqued his interest that I was the lone female not giving him the time of day, and he really started hanging all over me. I knew it was just about conquest though...the moment I showed him any interest, his attention would evaporate. But it was kind of interesting to see her theory proven correct.

ha! I've noticed that too, big time. my friend says that I look much more relaxed and approachable when I'm on SSRIs. also, it gets rid of my social anxiety so I blame it on that. I just went off SSRIs though cause I was starting to scare myself with the apathy. back to being invisible then, thank god!

Being emotionless and detached can also be perceived as confidence and/or like you don't feel like you "need" someone, which are things that I think are attractive to both sexes. Why do I attract many more girls when I actually have a girlfriend than when I do not? Possibly because I feel emotionless and detached from 99% of other women when I already have one. But possibly not, I don't really know, it's just a thought.

And I will say from experience, despite my general distaste for antidepressants, those I know who actually need antidepressants truly are more pleasant to be around when they are on them than when they are not. It's very possible that you carry yourself better, smile more, etc when you are taking antidepressants, even if you are not aware of it. Marilyn Monroe was no doubt on many more and much more destructive drugs than antidepressants; "lost and detached" comes across quite differently than "emotionless and detached".

You appear both more vulnerable and approachable.

Guys will hit on women with who they sense a weakness (e.g. drunk). It's easier to feel better if/when they get shot down IF the women has something wrong with her and justify it via excuses ("Oh I really had no shot, here friends were all cock-blocking).

Most type of negative personality issues (e.g. depression, anger, intense focus) usually make it difficult for a guy to guage the women and are a put off subconsciously. Humans are generally hard wired when seeking makes to find ones who are healthy, and not damaged.

Yes, there's a conflict here between the conscious desires of the men and the subconscious needs. Usually the conscious wins in action, the subconscious in reaction.

Yeah, I think you are right. What I think is interesting though is that when I'm not on the antidepressants I smile more.....when I am on them I just feel apathetic like you said and stare off into the distance. I also don't talk much.

Perhaps antidepressants affect aspie/bipolar people differently.

If you appear hostile or otherwise are taking on a closed posture or otherwise unwelcoming body language when off medication, there's your answer. Even if I find a woman kind of attractive, if I feel uncomfortable around her (like I'm getting "back off" signals) I'm not about to try to asking her out.

I think you have a point there, Hector. Perhaps confidence in a woman is seen as hostility or people may be unable to read me properly.

Yes -- I used to experience the same phenomenon from women (and I'm a guy) when I would get drunk. Something about me at the time (and maybe now) was showing in my face, no matter how I tried to affect this, but when I was drunk, I would relax, and apparently it made me a lot more attractive to the opposite sex, even to people who didn't like me normally.

I've seen studies that pretty much say the same thing -- people who have a hostile or angry affect (and you could substitute in sad or worried here) are easily identifiable in pictures judged by random people who don't know the people in the pictures. So your face probably says a lot about your internal state when you are not drugged, and apparently that inner state is showing something that men don't like as much as when the SSRI's take it down a peg.

[quote="billsmithglendal] Yes -- I used to experience the same phenomenon from women (and I'm a guy) when I would get drunk. Something about me at the time (and maybe now) was showing in my face, no matter how I tried to affect this, but when I was drunk, I would relax, and apparently it made me a lot more attractive to the opposite sex, even to people who didn't like me normally. [/quote]

I can see how alcohol would get rid of some of the social anxiety for an aspie, but to be attracted to someone when they are feeling an empty mood and apathetic is really interesting. It just shows us that people in general can't tell what other people are feeling, or perhaps they can and would rather have someone be apathetic or unhappy rather than passionate towards them. It seems that everytime I show passion, it is taken as something else.

I'm gonna get reamed for this post, but whatever. I'm telling it the way I see it and what I've learned through gender research.

Men have one subconscious desire when it comes to women, and a million conscious ones. The subconscious desire is sex, and it motivates men in a way that women will truly NEVER understand. Men hate emotions. They hate drama. Curiously enough as you noted, some men are apt to create drama by becoming emotional themselves. But when those emotions and uncertainty emanate from another person--namely a female they're involved with--men tend to run the other way. Why? I couldn't tell you why, other than that man operate in a very primal manner subconsciously. Their ultimate goal is to spread their seed. While this goal may be outweighed by conscious desires at some point or another (possibly a consequence of aging; who knows), it never truly goes away. Since this subconscious desire has virtually no emotional element, it only makes sense that they are attracted on a very instinctual level to women who seem "detached" or "distant."

That's my two-cents.