Why do I get more male attention when I am on antidepressent

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I am kind of thinking the same. Men just want sex on a subconscious level and fear women who would like to bond to them (most women are like this). Perhaps they think that women who apear apathetic will just have sex and be done with it.

I have also seen that I can have sex without emotions at all when on antidepressants. I literally want a man for sex and couldn't care if I had a relationship with him (preferably not). I thought I was just odd, but it turns out that this may in fact be a side effect of SSRIs. I can say that I am glad for this, as I truly know what it is like some men can have sex, without emotional attachment.

well I'm neither, but I definitely smile more when I'm on SSRI's, simply because I'm not so plagued by my own thoughts and can actually enjoy my time with others. I do feel constantly apathetic, but I like to call it "positively neutral" because that's exactly how it feels.

Alla, it could be a lot of things. As for the people saying that all guys want reduction of emotion and sex is the primary target - that may work for guys who...say....have no ability for introspect whatsoever, introverts as males want sex but as men understand that..since sex is only sex and nothing more, many other things come first. A well adjusted extrovert even will be thinking the same thing, may have more external energy to work with but no one wants a hellish relationship that then goes south, and as much as people try to praise it I think there are plenty of guys - barely really being a minority per say, who feel that - next to an emotionally healthy and uplifting relationship - that one night stands are anything more than tandem auto-erotica.

This is what I think it is; if you're on the SSRI's and they help with social anxiety, IMO that's the biggest part of it right there (similar to what ana-bananna said). Anxiety seems to kill chances and attraction from the opposite sex faster than anything, reason being it gives off a very prickly aura, even if you're smiling, because the flight or fight makes it look like you could go hostile on a dime. Yes, people want confidence in a partner, that's attractive, but if someone seems intense or uptight it seems like they're perpetually trying to hold back aggressive impulses rather than them being in control.

I've had this same history with women as well, got much better reactions when I was on anti-anxiety meds and anything as well that dilated my pupils, made me 'look' calm and complacent. For me though, as in your case, being on the meds was hell (I had antipsychotics on top of that and real bad akasthesia). My suggestion is this - when you're around guys you like, when you're off the SSRI's particularly, learn how to diffuse the tension socially, especially if its someone you're around steadily enough to be able to start a conversation, do what you can to put him at ease - I say that because if you can built a verbal rapport you're helping to nullify a lot of the effect that you nonverbals might have in scaring him off and when he sees you walking in to sit down he won't sense knives projecting from your elbows or razors hidden in your tongue. Attraction is really about trust first and foremost and in the limbic parts of our minds, we read nonverbals to see if someone seems safe or not - bad signals can be overcome at least if you throw enough positive to both dowse them and, once you get the ball rolling in a positive direction, you're body language and presence will improve as well.

You'd be surprised how most men think though. For most men, sex is the #1 thing they want from women. I've seen men change completely from a******s to sweethearts with the woman once they got sex from them. It's happened to me too......I've even been a victim of sexual harassment because I refused to have sex with my boss (he spread nasty rumors about me and was tried to ruin my career, even though I worshiped him as a human being)



See, I would say that in general I am quite confident. Now how that comes across might be different and people might see a prickly aura as you said.

I just read reports from last month that SSRis change personality and target neuroticism especially, something which aspies are probably very familiar with. Quite interesting:

http://www.sciencecodex.com/antidepress ... laboration

So now I am wondering. Do aspies have to go on SSRis or alcohol to become more likable? For quite a while now, I've been under the impression that people do not want honesty. I just wish society would accept people for who they are.

Maybe people feel less threatened by quiet detached people than by very passionate people? I notice that the more attractive a woman the more men feel threatened by them.

Replace "most men" by "most popular men" and you're right. The irony is that less popular men are less inclined to this sort of behavior which brings us back to the whole "nice guy vs jerk" issue.

The funny thing is, I have friends who are macks or play the games, a couple of my closest friends are somewhat like that - then again they were outcasts in highschool, the types that turned things around in their early 20's and go to know the big who's who, taring it up on sportbikes, hanging with the in-in crowd, for them in specific they really want a quality long term relationship but they feel like they've run into the wall of "If I'm nice - they'll leave", they've sullenly admitted to themselves that most women want a guy to be a dick therefore they've made an effort to keep an eye out for what the need in the long term but not worry about playing a bit in the short term. In their case of course sex does mean a lot, at the same though it never really trumps their desire to really be in a long term relationship or find someone who they can be their best selves with and not have the girl leave because he's not being a prick - they make a lot of logistical mistakes along the way as the girl of their dreams probably won't want a windbreaker that says 'Number 25' but I'll acknowledge as well that a lot of people can't take going dry waiting for the right person to show up - women to a lesser extent, true, but even with our friends who always were popular and act like macks - even in their case, long term, they do want what's right, they just can't get themselves to go without tail and I think with a lot of these girls they may fabricate the excuse that they're trying these girls out in a dating sense to see if there's any potential but, ultimately if its a bust they usually get it and run.

I guess what I'm trying to say in all that - both sides of the story are true; ie. most guys are out for sex but, human or honest/decent long term desires aren't absent either. They can see a woman on one facet as sex object but at the same time love her intelligence, love her style, and say that they think strong and intelligent women are what drives them wild the most. I'm not one of these guys of course, having AS (don't get normal responses for normal input typically) and partly just because - this life experience has trained me to put my long term values over anything short term that I think I could regret. Still, as much as I couldn't do what they're doing - I still can't miss that there's a bit of me in all of them as well personality-wise.


I think what it seems like is they're afraid of being eaten alive, ie. when someone's confident and has no anxiety they may seem very open, with anxiety and projected confidence the anxiety causes the confidence to come off easily as very caustic or businesslike (a bit cold), and you may have seen some confident guys as well where you got instant impulse that they were hiding a huge inner arsehole and you just shuttered at the thought of letting them near you; that may be more extreme than what you're giving off but its of a similar nature when guys see it in women and yes, many if not most guys are emotionally vulnerable to attack and just like women do much of the time we build a bit of a wall to people if we feel that potential.

I can think of a couple girls I knew back in college - one was a friend after a while, admittedly very much outgoing but had the sort of razor-edged businesslike persona. What I saw with her was a lot of what I saw with myself in dealing with anxiety - she said once that she used to be very shy, went all out to take control of her life, she built herself up and became very strong in that regard, though I noticed as well that she a) was never dating and b) was utterly inept at flirting, in a similar way to myself as well in that she'd try to project high platonics in lieu of good old fashioned instinct and - it didn't register on people's radars or they didn't know what to do with it. She was far from lacking in looks either.

Also there was another girl I had in one of my classes who was strikingly attractive - ie. intimidatingly so, the thing I've noticed with women in that situation is they won't intimidate guys if they're able to show outgoing/extroverted social habits enough to where anyone can talk to them without it being a situation where no one has the means to engage them in small talk without making a big epic walk up to them over it. This girl in particular was also of a really rare psychological type where, while she was on the quiet side, beamed energy almost overpoweringly. The funny thing with her as well - I'd hear her talking to her friends as well in passing, similar situation - things weren't working. What hurt in this scenario is that she actually did catch a glimpse of my personality, did show interest from a distance, but we never had the ability or chance to make any small talk; she tried talking to me once but at time, place, and position where conversation would have struck out no matter how much I wanted things to go otherwise.

Then again, admittedly, I'm speaking as a guy who had severe social anxiety and likely still have it somewhere between mild and moderate. Something with anxiety just projects brittle intensity (like you're afraid that if you do something that goes against someone's assumptions of you it'll be like lighting a stick of dynamite), or an edge like you're hiding something in your nature. What I find extraordinarily sad about it is that suffering from anxiety brings you more of the very thing that generates it in the first place and of course being human and having more to us than a full-wielding conscious mind, there's only so much we can do about it.

My suggestion to you though on guys - know that there are subtypes, understand what it is that you really want in a guy (also know how to get that and chemistry at the same time - you need both), and from there don't waste your time on being someone your not; a lot of guys try that and its serial one night stands for a reason - it couldn't have possibly blossomed into a relationship, neither party was being themselves. For the right thing you have to of course deal with passing on the easy way out, knowing also that you'll likely be taking barbs from friends and acquaintances for trying to be old fashioned or doing what makes sense in a day where they feel that you have to be broken and act broken to even make board - they're them, you're you, you know what you need - don't worry about what other people are doing.

The funny thing was that it didn't really involve me even interacting with these women that much, so it wasn't really related to being inhibited at all -- just less tense and/or hostile (I seem to have a high hostility factor due to upbringing, genes, and some bad years in my teens). And I think maybe this is what is happening with you. Men don't like needy, desperate, hyper, overly emotional, or anything that might signal that you might be a handful. I don't know you, so I don't mean this in a personal way, but I do know that being too aggressive can turn a man off. It kills the thrill of the chase, and it makes them think you might be too pushy.

Do you think that the medication can work for the opposite gender?

You say "passionate" they see "drama".
Men hate drama.

They want someone stable, smart, calm, affectionate, and positive.

You're feelings are probably very intense, hence the need for medication. So when you feel 'dulled', you're probably feeling what others would call a 'normal' range of emotions.

Most people, it seems to me, don't seem to feel that much. I guess that's why they're satisfied with so little.

I agree. There is a cultural component (for instance, Latin American or African-American culture allows for and expects a higher degree of emotional expression and outburst), but in general guys who have experience know that passionate = crazy. And while crazy is fun for a while, and might be good for sex, it's not good for stability.

I haven't actively looked interested and nobody's pursued me as any sort of 'challenge' - I just get ignored right back.

I think the trick is to show just enough interest in the other person but not too much. You have to be present while at the same time remain mysterious and hard to get. Ignoring them seems no better to me than looking like you're trying too much.