Advantages of being a player.

Page 1 of 1 [ 16 posts ] 

foreveryoung
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 27 Jun 2010
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 398

11 Jul 2010, 5:13 pm

Too often, the word "player" gets mistaken for mistreating women, beating women, lying to women, and so on. That's not what it's about. It's about dating multiple women so you learn more about yourself and what you actually desire from the opposite sex, not what you think you do because you've watched a lot of romantic comedies.

A guy that dates multiple women is more likely to find a long term relationship believe it or not. He's open to multiple women, getting to know women, getting better in bed...so when he meets a keeper, he's more likely to satisfy her in and out of bed. If she dumps him, he's not going to whine about it on an internet forum, he's going to call one of his many options or even find someone new and add her to the list.

I can imagine some AFC (or Average Frustrated Chump) men on here, and some of the women, protesting. But women do the same thing...serial date, or even date someone exclusively, while still wanting to have fun and look around.

If there's one thing I learned on my vacation to two different parts of the country, it's that pretty women are everywhere, no matter what your standards are. Your crush (or rather obsession) isn't unique and she will likely lose her beauty and put on a lot of weight in the near future. If that doesn't help you out, picture her taking a nice deuce and leaving the bathroom to you.

Women are people...not objects of fornicative desire, or vicarious mushy romantic obsession. They want to be treated as such.

Dating a woman and not coming crawling to her and begging her to turn your life around isn't a sin...it's what they want. They want a man who can survive with or without them.

I can hear a few select posters saying "So what's the point of a long term relationship if you have to have the mindset that you could leave her at any time?" Real love takes years and a lot of time. It isn't "Oh she's cute and smart...wow I found a girl that's cute and is smart and not snobby too!" That isn't love, that's just being a judgmental prick who wants the best of both worlds.

By dating a lot of women, you're getting to know more about yourself and women as a gender, so when you meet someone you truly want to spend the rest of your life with, you aren't desperate and needy, and it's real love, not Steve Urkel-like puppy love.



Pistonhead
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jun 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,732
Location: Bradenton, Florida

11 Jul 2010, 5:19 pm

That's not a player. It is entirely about doing anything to get what you want. Lying, cheating, etc. I could have EASILY had twice as many partners if I didn't tell the truth and I am open to multiple women as long as they all know that each other exist. That's not a player. Players play, they don't take things seriously like other people's feelings.

Urbandictionary
"A male who is skilled at manipulating ("playing") others, and especially at seducing women by pretending to care about them, when in reality they are only interested in sex."


_________________
"Some ideals are worth dying for"
==tOGoWPO==


foreveryoung
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 27 Jun 2010
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 398

11 Jul 2010, 5:33 pm

Women will also say "He's a player" if it's a guy that hangs out with/dates/sleeps with a lot of women without committing to any of them, even if there isn't deception involved.



Pistonhead
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jun 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,732
Location: Bradenton, Florida

11 Jul 2010, 5:45 pm

Men say that every girl that hasn't slept with them is a slut, even if they are virgins!

Doesn't make it right.


_________________
"Some ideals are worth dying for"
==tOGoWPO==


KaiG
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Jul 2010
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,045
Location: Berkshire, UK.

11 Jul 2010, 5:45 pm

Pistonhead wrote:
Men say that every girl that hasn't slept with them is a slut, even if they are virgins!

Doesn't make it right.


We do?


_________________
If songs were lines in a conversation, the situation would be fine.


Willard
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Mar 2008
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,647

11 Jul 2010, 6:03 pm

:roll: :::facepalm::: :roll:


Oh, god, did I actually have conversations like this when I was twentysomething? :oops:


If I did, I've mercifully forgotten it. :D



JayL
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 2 Jul 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 71

11 Jul 2010, 6:50 pm

Willard give us an update how it is now!

I feel I abuse women if I only want them for sex.

It's a paradox.



Sedaka
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jul 2006
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,597
Location: In the recesses of my mind

11 Jul 2010, 7:17 pm

What you are describing is an open relationship... unless you ARE lying and cheating.

If it's the former, kudos for finding tons of cool chicks to date. If the women don't know about each other then you don't deserve to find a girl who truly loves you because you aren't giving her a fair opportunity to know what kind of cuy you truly are.


_________________
Neuroscience PhD student

got free science papers?

www.pubmed.gov
www.sciencedirect.com
http://highwire.stanford.edu/lists/freeart.dtl


RICKY5
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Dec 2009
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,201

11 Jul 2010, 9:26 pm

JayL wrote:
Willard give us an update how it is now!

I feel I abuse women if I only want them for sex.

It's a paradox.


You shouldn't feel bad. Women use guys all the time for different things without a shred of remorse.



CrinklyCrustacean
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Mar 2009
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,284

12 Jul 2010, 6:48 am

RICKY5 wrote:
You shouldn't feel bad. Women use guys all the time for different things without a shred of remorse.


Are you seriously saying that because SOME women use and abuse men shamelessly, it's okay for ALL men to treat women that way? How ridiculous.



deadeyexx
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Sep 2007
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 758

12 Jul 2010, 9:10 am

I agree being a player is great for gaining experience, but it's a real hard habit to kick when you do decide you'd like to settle down. Even so, it's something every guy should try sometime in thier life.

Also, using people gets such a bad rap. Everyone does it. Had a guy pull up to me and ask me for directions the other day. He USED me for my knowledge and left. I did not feel bad about, but was glad to be helpful and appreciated being chosen as someone who looked like he knew his stuff. I've been used for sex before too, but had just as much fun on my end too. As long as both people are getting something out of the exchange and the extent of it is fully understood, it's a wonderful thing.



Northeastern292
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Sep 2008
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,159
Location: Brooklyn, NY/Catskills

12 Jul 2010, 10:50 am

foreveryoung wrote:
Too often, the word "player" gets mistaken for mistreating women, beating women, lying to women, and so on. That's not what it's about. It's about dating multiple women so you learn more about yourself and what you actually desire from the opposite sex, not what you think you do because you've watched a lot of romantic comedies.

A guy that dates multiple women is more likely to find a long term relationship believe it or not. He's open to multiple women, getting to know women, getting better in bed...so when he meets a keeper, he's more likely to satisfy her in and out of bed. If she dumps him, he's not going to whine about it on an internet forum, he's going to call one of his many options or even find someone new and add her to the list.

I can imagine some AFC (or Average Frustrated Chump) men on here, and some of the women, protesting. But women do the same thing...serial date, or even date someone exclusively, while still wanting to have fun and look around.

If there's one thing I learned on my vacation to two different parts of the country, it's that pretty women are everywhere, no matter what your standards are. Your crush (or rather obsession) isn't unique and she will likely lose her beauty and put on a lot of weight in the near future. If that doesn't help you out, picture her taking a nice deuce and leaving the bathroom to you.

Women are people...not objects of fornicative desire, or vicarious mushy romantic obsession. They want to be treated as such.

Dating a woman and not coming crawling to her and begging her to turn your life around isn't a sin...it's what they want. They want a man who can survive with or without them.

I can hear a few select posters saying "So what's the point of a long term relationship if you have to have the mindset that you could leave her at any time?" Real love takes years and a lot of time. It isn't "Oh she's cute and smart...wow I found a girl that's cute and is smart and not snobby too!" That isn't love, that's just being a judgmental prick who wants the best of both worlds.

By dating a lot of women, you're getting to know more about yourself and women as a gender, so when you meet someone you truly want to spend the rest of your life with, you aren't desperate and needy, and it's real love, not Steve Urkel-like puppy love.


You do have a really valid point there. I wish I could be even a little more of a player. In all honesty, dating scares the s**t out of me.



Pistonhead
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jun 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,732
Location: Bradenton, Florida

12 Jul 2010, 2:47 pm

deadeyexx wrote:
Had a guy pull up to me and ask me for directions the other day. He USED me for my knowledge and left.


Aww poor baby, did you want to him to kiss and cuddle you? Just kidding :lol:


_________________
"Some ideals are worth dying for"
==tOGoWPO==


billsmithglendale
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Dec 2008
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,223

12 Jul 2010, 3:31 pm

Northeastern292 wrote:
foreveryoung wrote:
Too often, the word "player" gets mistaken for mistreating women, beating women, lying to women, and so on. That's not what it's about. It's about dating multiple women so you learn more about yourself and what you actually desire from the opposite sex, not what you think you do because you've watched a lot of romantic comedies.

A guy that dates multiple women is more likely to find a long term relationship believe it or not. He's open to multiple women, getting to know women, getting better in bed...so when he meets a keeper, he's more likely to satisfy her in and out of bed. If she dumps him, he's not going to whine about it on an internet forum, he's going to call one of his many options or even find someone new and add her to the list.

I can imagine some AFC (or Average Frustrated Chump) men on here, and some of the women, protesting. But women do the same thing...serial date, or even date someone exclusively, while still wanting to have fun and look around.

If there's one thing I learned on my vacation to two different parts of the country, it's that pretty women are everywhere, no matter what your standards are. Your crush (or rather obsession) isn't unique and she will likely lose her beauty and put on a lot of weight in the near future. If that doesn't help you out, picture her taking a nice deuce and leaving the bathroom to you.

Women are people...not objects of fornicative desire, or vicarious mushy romantic obsession. They want to be treated as such.

Dating a woman and not coming crawling to her and begging her to turn your life around isn't a sin...it's what they want. They want a man who can survive with or without them.

I can hear a few select posters saying "So what's the point of a long term relationship if you have to have the mindset that you could leave her at any time?" Real love takes years and a lot of time. It isn't "Oh she's cute and smart...wow I found a girl that's cute and is smart and not snobby too!" That isn't love, that's just being a judgmental prick who wants the best of both worlds.

By dating a lot of women, you're getting to know more about yourself and women as a gender, so when you meet someone you truly want to spend the rest of your life with, you aren't desperate and needy, and it's real love, not Steve Urkel-like puppy love.


You do have a really valid point there. I wish I could be even a little more of a player. In all honesty, dating scares the sh** out of me.


Been there -- you gotta reverse that, or find out what the anxiety comes from and deal with that. Dating has tension, but it is supposed to be fun, once you have the right person on a date with you. Think of it less as a test, and more like an opportunity for both of you to have fun, find out more about eachother, and if the chemistry is right....



roadGames
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 18 Oct 2007
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 401

14 Jul 2010, 9:06 pm

Player behavior is very healthy so long as it isn't deceptive. You can't just jump into it as some community chump, though.



Northeastern292
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Sep 2008
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,159
Location: Brooklyn, NY/Catskills

15 Jul 2010, 8:21 am

billsmithglendale wrote:
Northeastern292 wrote:
foreveryoung wrote:
Too often, the word "player" gets mistaken for mistreating women, beating women, lying to women, and so on. That's not what it's about. It's about dating multiple women so you learn more about yourself and what you actually desire from the opposite sex, not what you think you do because you've watched a lot of romantic comedies.

A guy that dates multiple women is more likely to find a long term relationship believe it or not. He's open to multiple women, getting to know women, getting better in bed...so when he meets a keeper, he's more likely to satisfy her in and out of bed. If she dumps him, he's not going to whine about it on an internet forum, he's going to call one of his many options or even find someone new and add her to the list.

I can imagine some AFC (or Average Frustrated Chump) men on here, and some of the women, protesting. But women do the same thing...serial date, or even date someone exclusively, while still wanting to have fun and look around.

If there's one thing I learned on my vacation to two different parts of the country, it's that pretty women are everywhere, no matter what your standards are. Your crush (or rather obsession) isn't unique and she will likely lose her beauty and put on a lot of weight in the near future. If that doesn't help you out, picture her taking a nice deuce and leaving the bathroom to you.

Women are people...not objects of fornicative desire, or vicarious mushy romantic obsession. They want to be treated as such.

Dating a woman and not coming crawling to her and begging her to turn your life around isn't a sin...it's what they want. They want a man who can survive with or without them.

I can hear a few select posters saying "So what's the point of a long term relationship if you have to have the mindset that you could leave her at any time?" Real love takes years and a lot of time. It isn't "Oh she's cute and smart...wow I found a girl that's cute and is smart and not snobby too!" That isn't love, that's just being a judgmental prick who wants the best of both worlds.

By dating a lot of women, you're getting to know more about yourself and women as a gender, so when you meet someone you truly want to spend the rest of your life with, you aren't desperate and needy, and it's real love, not Steve Urkel-like puppy love.


You do have a really valid point there. I wish I could be even a little more of a player. In all honesty, dating scares the sh** out of me.


Been there -- you gotta reverse that, or find out what the anxiety comes from and deal with that. Dating has tension, but it is supposed to be fun, once you have the right person on a date with you. Think of it less as a test, and more like an opportunity for both of you to have fun, find out more about each other, and if the chemistry is right....


You're quite right on the money. Very good point. Part of it is the chemistry.