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foreveryoung
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28 Jul 2010, 11:57 pm

I've turned into the very person I used to hate. Part of it can be attributed to hormones and hypersexuality, but it's my responsibility to control it, which I am finally doing. I'm calling my psychiatrist first thing tomorrow and having him refer me to a qualified doctor that I can talk to my hypersexuality about. Yes, a lot of my interest in women as it relates to recreational sex could be that I'm a virgin, but I know plenty of virgins who are nothing like me and while they want sex, it doesn't take over their every thought.

A few months ago I was just a guy like any one of the guys on here who wanted a nice girlfriend. While a lot of the things I say are true about young women as it relates to relationships, it doesn't mean to give up.

Also, I wanted to say, if I'm hard on some of the guys here...it's because they talk exactly like I did a few years ago, and it isn't going to help them at all running around in circles, whining instead of fixing what can be fixed and getting out there.

I met the "girl of my dreams" at least appearance-wise and dated her, and it didn't answer anything whatsoever. Even if she had more interest in me...it would have been a co-dependent, patient/therapist like relationship at the time, and that isn't healthy or what love is.

I also think women in their 20s are still maturing and don't know what's really good for them, including what type of guy is good for them. What I've also learned is that even when they're interested enough to give you their number, that doesn't mean anything. Pretty much, for a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship to work at a young age, the woman has to be head over heels in love with you...and that's pretty much up to her, not you. Men take the lead, but women choose the men they want to take the lead...and there really is no rhyme or reason for it. Even if you become the guy that I preach to become, that can only help so much.

All you can do is make yourself less desperate and needy, so even when you're single, you're not complaining about it or feel less of a person for it.



Bugzee
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29 Jul 2010, 12:11 am

Your still young and your hormones are stilll raging. I wouldn't be so concerned about your hypsersexuality just yet. But if you feel the need to talk about it, then by all means. And you are right, a girlfriend or boyfriend isn't going to fix anyone's problems, I use to think that way too, but as I have seen my friends go through relationship difficulties I have come to realize that relationships often make problems worse, not better.



conundrum
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29 Jul 2010, 1:12 am

foreveryoung wrote:
I also think women in their 20s are still maturing and don't know what's really good for them, including what type of guy is good for them. What I've also learned is that even when they're interested enough to give you their number, that doesn't mean anything. Pretty much, for a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship to work at a young age, the woman has to be head over heels in love with you...and that's pretty much up to her, not you. Men take the lead, but women choose the men they want to take the lead...and there really is no rhyme or reason for it. Even if you become the guy that I preach to become, that can only help so much.

All you can do is make yourself less desperate and needy, so even when you're single, you're not complaining about it or feel less of a person for it.


I agree with you completely about the maturity factor (I'm female, btw). I didn't think I wanted a relationship until I was 28, when I met the guy I'm with now and we completely fell for each other...sometimes it just takes a while.

"Neediness" is never a good thing. It's far better to be a whole person on your own before starting a relationship. The phrase "You complete me" should not be that literal.

Bugzee wrote:
And you are right, a girlfriend or boyfriend isn't going to fix anyone's problems, I use to think that way too, but as I have seen my friends go through relationship difficulties I have come to realize that relationships often make problems worse, not better.


I've seen the exact same thing happen. I wish more people would realize this.


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ToadOfSteel
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29 Jul 2010, 8:40 am

There's nothing wrong with that level of sexuality, just dont expect everyone to be exactly like you...You keep saying "so and so sounds exactly like I did a few years back" and expect them to develop along the same exact paths of sexuality that you did, which is the basis for your sex-centric advice. But just because someone reminds you of you back in the day doesn't mean they will turn out the same as you do.



foreveryoung
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29 Jul 2010, 9:55 am

You're missing the point, Toad.

There is a problem with my level of sexuality, because it's taken over my life.

And I'm not expecting anyone to progress at my level. When I talk about the old me, it's in relation to how I had low self-esteem and was desperate and needy and wanted a girlfriend really bad to the point where I was frustrated about it and whining about it on the internet. And I'm saying from first-hand experience, that even if you meet a girlfriend, it's not going to solve anything if you don't have your sh*t together.

The aim of my advice is for guys on this site to work on themselves and their life first, so when they meet a woman, they're more likely to be happier about life and therefore more likely to keep her.



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29 Jul 2010, 12:20 pm

I would never date a guy with your mentality.

And that you're a virgin, spewing all this playa-BS... Tells me you're just a desperate guy (like the ones you're trying to educate) that fell for some crappy alpha male propaganda.

I'm glad you've realized that it's important to have a life of your own and start from there... cause having a GF is NOT the answer...

But you're never going to find the type of girl you claim you want... Unless you lie about your intentions and agenda... In which case, you're just lying to yourself about what you want/have.

edit: I will add that being that duped desperate guy is 1000x better than being a guy who actually does this women (unless it's clearly something open)


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Moog
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29 Jul 2010, 12:57 pm

Seems like you're going through a period of self discovery and transition, foreveryoung. Bound to be a bumpy process. I hope you find the balanced, mature, happy version of yourself that it seems you are groping for.


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foreveryoung
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29 Jul 2010, 1:52 pm

Sedaka, I'm saying I was wrong. The past few months, my hormones have taken over me to a point where I felt like I could have sacritificied my morals just to lose the V-card. I'm admitting that it's a problem, and that I should just step away from dating altogether until I sort myself out.



Sedaka
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30 Jul 2010, 9:16 am

I'm sorry for response. Guess I misread intentions, literally.


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mechanicalgirl39
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30 Jul 2010, 9:47 am

Sedaka wrote:
I would never date a guy with your mentality.

And that you're a virgin, spewing all this playa-BS... Tells me you're just a desperate guy (like the ones you're trying to educate) that fell for some crappy alpha male propaganda.

I'm glad you've realized that it's important to have a life of your own and start from there... cause having a GF is NOT the answer...

But you're never going to find the type of girl you claim you want... Unless you lie about your intentions and agenda... In which case, you're just lying to yourself about what you want/have.

edit: I will add that being that duped desperate guy is 1000x better than being a guy who actually does this women (unless it's clearly something open)


I agree with you.

Women in their 20s don't know what is good for them? Maybe if you live near a lot of very stupid and immature young women.

I knew what kind of man was right for me aged 15. Those requirements haven't changed. I go for someone who has a good face and body but a nice personality too, and someone who will treat me as a fellow intelligent adult not a little damsel in distress who needs looking after.

Tell me which part of that constitutes 'not knowing what is good for me'.


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Lene
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30 Jul 2010, 10:23 am

I think it's unfair to make blanket statements like "all women think this or do this and are this immature" etc..

Some change their minds and preferences as they grow older. Others don't. You could say exactly the same for guys.

I know plenty of couples who have been together since they were in high school. Some are engaged now, so clearly their priorities were pretty constant.

Just because the girls you like don't turn out to like you back, or change their minds about being with you, doesn't necessarily make them immature.