Question regarding a potential g.f.

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Long story short: There is a female friend of mine, who I have been seeing regularly for about a month now, that I really like. I am really hoping she becomes my g.f. She's already practically my g.f. in all but name. We make out, cuddle, etc., and she calls me "sweetheart." Yet, she says she's not ready for a relationship. I don't understand it. I mean, we're pretty much in a de facto relationship, so why not make it official? Anyway, what I'm wondering is: How long should I wait before I ask her again to be my g.f. (I don't want to ask too soon or too often, and thus come across as desperate), or should I wait for her to tell me when she's ready?

I'm just worried that when she is ready (assuming it happens), she won't tell me that she's ready, but will expect me to just "sense" that she's ready.

Umm, well if she's already your GF in all but name, what's in a name?

It's only been a month just go with the flow. Calling you "sweet heart" is a good sign. Maybe she just doesn't want you going all formal and turning into Spock.

Perhaps she wants to be sure about things before she puts the name on it, or considers putting a name on things a form of commitment. It is hard to know without my knowing her.

Thanks, guys.

Well, if she's your G.F., then that means she can't see other people right? She wants to see other people or may be seeing someone else too. She might be stringing you along for when the other guy dumps her or she fancies another guy and is waiting for it to go somewhere. If it doesn't then she might give in to you. So, you get the prize by default.
Default is not necessarily a bad thing because two men stood in my current husband's way when we were just dating. He was my third choice. After the other two got lost, I took him and we've been together for almost 20 years and when I look back, I realize HE was the real prize. I must've been crazy to call him #3. Well, what can I say...I was young and DUMB. My priorities were all screwed up. He really was #1 and will always be.

Mmmm... thats interesting... what I would do (not saying right or wrong thing, just what I'd do) would be try to define it.

Ask her if you can call her your girlfriend, that you feel you are already dating and your not looking to go any faster or for anything more than what you have right now, but that you feel she is already your girlfriend and it'd would be nice to have it defined. Emphasize that you know she's said that she's "not ready," but you have no intentions of pushing it past her limits, that the way it is right now is perfectly fine, you just want it official.

Honestly if she's making out with you and cuddling and stuff... if you emphasize that you won't be pushing for more than whats current, there should be no reason for her to be scared and "not ready for a relationship"-- most of the physical and emotional stuff seems to be going on already. Of course, if she's trying to leave her options open, and is doing the same to other guys... well that does change things, but then again, wouldn't you rather know now, than 5 more months of this then getting hurt when you find out that she's been "two-timing" (to you it'll feel like that, even though to her its never been defined)?

If she's still reluctant and stuff, try to ask for why she's not ready. (This can be where you can console her and tell her that your happy with where you two are now, and not asking for anything MORE, just to be official.) She should be able to open up enough to you about why anyways... if not, well you guys will definitely need to be working on your trust.

Who knows there could be some outside factors that scare her (like maybe she was molested or something, and scared of getting into a relationship, but being outside of one and cuddling, she feels like its more in her control, that she can "walk away" at any time... ) I don't know, there are many possibilities as to why, but best bet is to ask her.

Well... she already knows you like her, I mean you wouldn't be cuddling/making out and asking if you didn't; So theres no need to worry about that, I'd just say you wanna define things, so you guys can remain exclusive to each other, and would lift a weight off your shoulders... you could even mention bragging rights if you want... unsure about that myself, but it is a big social difference to have a gf or not, she should be aware and respectful of that...

Can just say something simply "I just want to be able to call you my girlfriend, without restraint or any 'well sorta's attached... I like you, I won't push you or anything, I would just like this to be defined... it'd be pretty much the same as it now, except in name..."

Honestly I don't think you'd sound too needy... I mean if you pester her everyday, and don't give her a break, then sure, but just asking and asking for a valid reason why not is perfectly acceptable and understandable...

You can mention that you're into fidelity and don't really wanna have an "open relationship." That you'd like to have only one partner, and your partner the same likewise... MOST people would be pleased by that, if she's not... well warning sign. (Although, as someone else mentioned, she might be trying out different guys... just let her explain.)

Best bet is to ask again, explain how you wont push or change anything, and ask for her explainations... the fact she was abused suggests she's just wary, so if your nice and promise you wont push things, she'll likely be a lot more open to it.

I've been in your shoes.

I don't remember how long it took...three months I think? But eventually she decided she was comfortable enough to accept the label, and brought it up without my asking.

Just give her time, I guess?

This has all been very helpful. Thanks, everyone!

Ask her, if she somehow says no try this after:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp3135394.html#3135394

I'll keep those in mind. Thanks!