Do you miss someone right now?

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Emp, read my words again and you will see that I have said nothing untruthful or misleading.

I DO think he has made a mistake, because Hale_bopp seems like a good person to talk to, and therefore I do not feel that she deserves to be mistreated or made to feel miserable.

It is jolly nice of you to re-write my text for me, and funnily enough I can empathise with your version. I do agree with it. However you are simply amending my STYLE in order to suit your own pedantic sense of logic. You've amended my words in order to say EXACTLY WHAT I WAS SAYING IN THE FIRST PLACE but in a different way.

I can just about cope with that, but I'm really very f-cked off that you think that (because I haven't used the exact words you'd have used) I am somehow lying. You are confusing INTERPRETATION OF INTENT with right or wrong. They are not the same.

You will note that I write in a personal manner. This is because I am writing what I think, and as such my comments cannot be lies because I am honest to myself. I know I'm not always right, which is why I'll use words like "sometimes" or "maybe", or start sentences with "I think.." or "In my opinion..". This does not mean that my views are invalid. You do not have the right to put words into my mouth because you do not and cannot know what I am thinking.

The point is, and this is an indisputable fact, you know absolutely nothing about the person she is talking about. Therefore your comments about him (that he made a mistake and will regret his actions) are completely unsupportable and obviously were not intended to be truthful or accurate. You just thought you would criticize him in order to make hale_bopp feel better.

Basically, you just whipped up some BS to make her feel better, with little or no concern for the truthfulness or accuracy of what you said.

The post which started this discussion featured a comment about him "moving onto bigger and better things". From the way this discussion is going, I imagine you tend to read things literally. However, I interpreted this comment as self-depreciating and ironic. Therefore:

1). I do know something about him. I know that he has upset hale_bopp and made her feel unimportant.

2). My response was centered around the use of the word 'better'. What I was trying to say is that things may have CHANGED but that's not to say that he's found anything 'better' (which means by implication that hale_bopp is 'worse').

3). The intention was to improve hale_bopp's opinion of herself, which is much lower than it should be (given that I like her character and the way she says things, and she is implying that she is not very important by implying that her ex must have moved on to something better, when in fact she doesn't know this). I like hale_bopp, so I'm trying to support her. Can you understand this. or is it a bit too emotional and unscientific for you?

4). The intention was not to criticise her ex, who I know little about, although my personal opinion is that he's probably lost a very worthwhile friend by not continuing to talk to her. That doesn't really matter so much, though. The point is that hale_bopp shouldn't take it as a sign to assume that she is worthless and everyone else is better, because that isn't true.

All I'm trying to do is support someone whose opinions I value.

I'm sorry I'm not as clever or accurate with words as you are, Emp. However, your criticism is unwarranted and verging on obsessive and I have no wish to continue this debate. Let hale_bopp have the final word if she so wishes.

Yes and that is great, but stick to genuine advice and comments. Feel-good rubbish and crummy canned reheated throw-away lines like "I'm sure he will regret his mistake" is a LOW quality of support.

Statistically speaking, most likely he will NOT regret his decision, and I strongly doubt that you truly thought he would regret it. You just said it because it sounded nice.

I bet that every time you have comforted someone with a broken heart, you have used that canned line "I'm sure he will regret his mistake" -- it is just a memorized line you say automatically with no real thought about whether it is actually true.

Furthermore, it is a line that you copied from other people. It is a fairly common line that people use when trying to comfort someone. You copied that canned line and said it "just to be nice". You did not really believe what you were saying in that line. Your sympathy is genuine, but some of your statements were not, they were just read straight out of the book of "101 Things To Say When Someone Has A Broken Heart" with no regard for whether they were actually true or applicable to this particular case.

Guys, that's it. Cut it out. You've both made more than enough of a point.

Hermit, thank you for your contribution, I really appreciate it.

Emp, can you contribute to the original meaning of the thread? I've read quite a bit of your stuff, although I vanished / became largely inactive for a month, I don't recall you ever saying much about yourself beyond stating your opinion, a fact or your personal preferences in many areas. Is there someone you miss? Is it something you would admit with a simple yes or no? Or is there a broader story you might be willing to share? I'm quite curious to know.

wtf are you on about emp? X_x

I was just complaining about people who say nice things that they do not really mean, just to be nice. And people who repeat canned comfort phrases without regard for whether they are actually true. People whose modus operandi for making others feel better is to use non-genuine comments that SOUND nice, apparently thinking that the end justifies the means (the means = ignoring accuracy and what is true, and the end = making the person feel better).

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No.

Willing to share a story, but cannot think of any related to this topic.

Well I think aspie tend to not tell lies but that does not mean we do not love to hear
them. People feel free to whip up some BS to make me feel better.
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I guess I miss people alot in the short term when they are gone (more or less for good)
but in the long term I so use to being alone that my answer more like Emp's "No".

Emp - I have given you a perfectly logical, step-by-step explanation as to why my response was both truthful and entirely appropriate. Try reading it.

Sometimes cliches become cliches just because they are used repeatedly, and the reason they are used repeatedly is because they happened to be the best response in the first place. I don't agree with "following the herd" just for the sake of it. You cannot assume that repetition alone signifies a lack of thought. If you genuinely loved someone, would you avoid telling them "I love you" just because it's been said before?

Your argument is pointless - go and pick on someone else.

Yes, I miss my ex-bf, Chris.

I am sorry to hear that. I miss my ex-girlfriend Katie, who doesn't bother talking to me any more

BS. The reality is that most likely he will NOT regret his actions regarding hale_bopp. People very rarely regret leaving someone for someone else. They nearly always put it behind them and move on and think less and less about the previous person. That is life. Furthermore, you have never met the man and know nothing of substance about him, therefore you have NO reasonable basis to conclude that he will regret it.

You DID NOT CARE whether it was true to say that he would regret his actions. You only said it because you knew it would make her feel better.

And now you are being dishonest by refusing to admit that that was what you were doing. And it is not even a big thing to admit to. NT's regularly use these non-genuine canned lines just to make people feel better. Basically, you are just doing what is commonly done: Saying feel-good rubbish just to be nice.

I miss a girl I went to high school with. Her name is Melissa. After I graduated from high school, I never heard from her again. She was such a nice person, and she was very funny. A reunion with her would probably be the only instance in which I would date an NT, assuming that she's still single.

Tim

Hermit

You did not determine the height of hale_bopp or the person he left her for, therefore you cannot know whether she was actually bigger. This means that your posts have no value even if people enjoy your humor, your style, and your ideas.


Yeah, there's somebody I miss, a lot, every day. I was younger then, and I lived by the elephant barn and the river birds flew past when the morning sun lit the clouds...I won't go on. Time brings no forgetting.

ROFL!

When I first started this thread, I was thinking a lot about what it was to miss someone.

I don't miss anyone right now. Not anymore. And that makes me happy.