Confidence

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Hmm...

I'm not sure confidence really is about deluding yourself. For example, wakling into a situation you should have been better prepared for is, in a sense, taking responsibility for your lack of preparation, and facing up to your lumps head-on instead of avoiding the mess you had a hand in.

For me, confidence is more about not giving into your fear and unease, about owning them and therefore removing the power they can hold over you, allowing you to make a choice.

Confidence and indifference are two separate things.

... that's really all I have to say.

Maybe, I just find the idea of pretending that I am good at things I am not to be weird. For example I am bad at maths but I could easily tell everyone I am amazing at maths and then demonstrate this ability and get it wrong all over the place,

and then it will be like the Emperor's New Clothes where people would have to tell me that I was good at maths otherwise they would hurt my feelings. This scenario sounds crazy, but there are a number of people who live their lives exactly like this.

I dont think that confidence really holds exactly the same meaning for an aspie as it does for an NT, as their identities are highly invested in what other people are thinking and doing,

and many of us operate largely independently of this, so our reasons for a lack of confidence may be quite different to theirs.

Interesting thread.

But if confidence is about taking risk and lack of fear of failure, why do people not admire compulsive gamblers? They love taking risks (a particular one, anyway) and keep trying no matter how many times they fail. And similarly for drug addiction, or chronic criminality (though very successful criminals do seem to be somewhat admired, i.e. Al Capone, rich drug lords).

I suspect that "lack of fear of risk" + "seems to be doing ok in life" == "confidence," whereas "lack of fear of risk" + "homeless" (or whatever) == "loser."

I'm reminded of what I've read of mania/hypomania -- that people in that state are extremely confident (and that people tend to find them very charismatic and attractive), but the over-confidence eventually leads them to ruin (i.e. spending themselves into 10 years of debt in a week).

So, clearly, there is an upper bound on confidence; a point at which it becomes pathological. My guess the evolved instinct that takes that into account is the "seems to be doing ok in life" criterion. It doesn't make sense that risk-taking by itself is all that it is.

There's a fine line between confidence and foolishness.

I've had some experience of this.

As part of my attempting to gain self-confidence I've done a few open mic nights in comedy clubs. I'm not that funny it's more for the experience and the thrill that I've done it -- no-one's paid me yet (nor would they) to be a comedian.

But is there anything other than the outcome which differentiates the two?

Good question. I think the defining difference between the two would be statistics. Statistically speaking, one isn't likely to win much gambling. Indeed, the longer one plays the more they lose. There's also a bit of an addictive quality to it... that rush you get from the small victories that can cause someone to discount their losses and continue on playing.

With dating, the risks for failure (in general) are much lower. People couple (and half are successful at making it long-term) all the time.

I think confidence can be learned as well. I've done a number of things in my life to build confidence, but they are steps, and sometimes you fall a few steps backward.

I've gone skydiving, I scuba dive, I spent six months in Ukraine doing volunteer work...and there are others. Building confidence is about pushing fear boundaries. This can be difficult for those of us with AS and our penchant for routine. But as long as you keep pushing boundaries, you'll grow confidence. And before you know it, things that seemed troubling a year ago are no longer that frightening.

When I first started my career in film, I wasn't confident at all in my skills. But as one job leads to another, confidence grew as did my skill. Yes, you fail, but you learn along the way. Now I can work with a-list talent and not be afraid at all--okay not always, but much of the time.

Confidence isn't about not failing, or not fearing to fail. Confidence for me is about realizing that what ever I do, I'll survive it, I'll learn from it. People are so afraid of failing sometimes that it limits their growth.

When you were a baby, and learning to walk, you had all the confidence in the world, didn't you? You'd waddle along on your new legs and feet, and then fall down onto your poopy diaper. But you didn't care. You'd laugh and get back up again and waddle some more. As adults, many of us have forgotten how to learn and gain confidence. For some reason, we'd sooner sit in our poopy diaper and cry.

Where can I get confidence from? I'm slow, ugly, annoying, boring , uninteresting, and uneducated.

I lack any special skills or talents that would impress people

I don't have any friends and I've never dated. I don't have anything to be confident about.

Find some one who is the exact same

Two things on this:

1) Its really a gage on how you've been historically treated by society - so the whole notion is people getting a readout or proof, some external sign of prior history that can be read without actually 'seeing' your prior history. If you just 'look' unconfident it still doesn't matter - all the great things you've achieved or done for yourself go up in a puff of smoke.

2) The concept that its a gift you can give yourself by fabrication is a joke - unless you're just that decoupled from reality that you can run right into trouble and then beat your face into the person or thing bearing the consequences. If you can pallate that type of cognitive dissonance than great - you're set up to peacock and send up a fake plume as well as the best. For those without the self-BSing power, your in a world of hurt.

confitdence is what u make it

what i hate is when ppl tell a guy to hav confitdence in himself and then bash on him for asking out a girl who was out of his league
wth is that about?

personaily i think guy who has the balls to ask out a girl that other ppl dont think he can get has more confitdence than all the assholes who told him it wasnt right of him to do so, and the same goes for women who ask out men others dont think they can get

i once congratulated this guy who had the balls to ask out one of my female friends to a date, she turned him down rudely and complained to me about it becuz she felt offended that he thought he had a chance with her, so i found the guy told him he was better off but to never stop to think that you cant get a girl

confitdence is believing in urself plain and simple
urself = ur skills, ur beleifs, etc...

becuz when u believe in urself u tend to take care of urself and this reflects upon others its amazing how easily ppl's thoughts about u are manipulated by what u think about urself

Not sure what you mean by this exactly. Confidence is something one can build in oneself. I know because, myself and many of my friends, have done it. There is no peacocking, no dissonance, no fakery. The attitude that staying in one's comfortable zone, staying meek, or remaining non-confident is some how the non-bsing or 'reality' based mode of thought is really quite convenient, eh? A convenient excuse for staying stuck.