clingy/needy due to obsession & anxiety over relationshi

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nick007
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17 Sep 2011, 5:45 am

AsteroidNap wrote:
Nick,

It sounds to me like you're simply working through your trust issues. As you get closer and more intimate, the stakes get a little higher, don't they? If you haven't been this close to someone, then you're in new territory, and that can be frightening. I think this is where you just have to 'let go' a fully trust that the other person will be there.

Also consider what the above posters have said about loving yourself. I know you've said you've made progress in this regard, and though I don't know you well, I think I see a confidence there. But you should be mindful of the specter of self-sabotage. Sometimes our worst demons find nifty, inventive ways to thwart our desires. It's like silly-putty that squirts between the fingers of your clenched fist. You think you have a handle on something, but it manifests itself in new, unfamiliar ways.

Also remember that relationships are a process. There will be rough spots, fights even. You'll have to work hard to come through these inevitable bumps.

Finally, it seems you have an understanding of what works and what doesn't. Perhaps before taking an action, before making a comment, take a quick inventory of the foibles you mentioned and see if what you're about to do matches those issues. I do this more and more now...it's quite difficult to say the least, but it helps break destructive patterns that are ingrained in ones behavior.

Your rite about trust issues. For some reason I think I would feel more secure & would trust more if there was more commitment like if we were married but that's not really practical rite now & won't be till after she's out of college.

I think I do have an understanding of how to handle things & what not to do but it's very hard for me analyze a situation sometimes when I'm immediately dealing with it; it's like I cant think clearly because of my emotions but I think I have gotten a lot better even thou I do still have lots of room for improvement. I also feel like I'm losing control when my anxiety gets bad & even thou I may know how I should & shouldn't act & what I should & shouldn't do; the anxiety can become overwhelming till I give in to it.
I'm hoping that Buspar med may help a little with that. I'm being extremely careful about it. Standard starting dosage is 5mg 3x a day or 7.5mg 2wice a day; the maximum dosage is 50/60 mg a day spread out over a few doses. I'm gonna take half a 10mg 1ce a day for a couple days & then half 2wice a day & I'll up it to half 3x a day if I don't notice any problems after a few days & I'll stay on that a while & see but maybe take an extra half when I get nervous or think I may get nervous because of something going on. It may arrive in the mail in about two weeks BTW.

I've done some more thinking about what these issues may stim from & I think some of it could be because of I had a breakdown when things fell apart with my ex. I think I have learned, grew & matured a lot from that experience & I hope that I could handle things a lot better if things were to go wrong in my relationship with Megz but I'm worried that I may do worse than slash myself because I'm not sure if I can handle going through that again. I don't think I could live with myself if I hurt someone I cared about even more.

There's also a chance a small part of this may be because of the relationship my parents have. My dad probably has Obsessive Compulsive Personality(he wants things his way & he ask for opinions & then argues about why they are wrong) he's dependent on my mom, gets on her nerves by constantly checking on what she's doing & interrupting her so he can get her involved with projects he's doing that he should be doing himself because he's so picky about how he wants things done. I really don't want to annoy Megz & get on her nerves by acting the way my dad does with my mom.


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ToadOfSteel
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17 Sep 2011, 7:43 am

MONKEY wrote:
:cry: Image


Not to change the subject, but that picture is definitely worth a thousand words, and, interpreted a little differently, explains the story of my life.

Basically:

:cry: Image <--everyone else
^me



Grisha
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17 Sep 2011, 7:55 am

Actually, reality is more like

You -> :cry:

Some people -> Image

Me, lots of others, and potentially you: :)

You've been told this 1,000 times, but you don't need to be in a romantic relationship to be happy...



The_Face_of_Boo
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17 Sep 2011, 8:19 am

Toad-> :cry:

Some people -> Image

Grisha, lots of others, and potentially Toad: :)

Me--> Image