[New!!] Come fellow WPers, let me show you some FB photos.

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First of all, it's not just about a FB profile, this extends even further. I am not much of a ‘facebooker’, my photos remained the same since I created my profile, I rarely upload new photos, I rarely follow-up things there, I rarely share things there or even update my ‘status’. Overall, I am more of a viewer on FB, I am not much engaged in it.



Those are "tips" and random comments about my FB page from 4 different men, 3 extroverts and 1 more introvert, all had many relationships before, not really much related to each others and from different backgrounds. They are trying to 'help' me with these comments...maybe they were...whatever.


What really surprised me is the similarity of those comments; they are all the same comments said in different contexts , as if they were said by the same person. It's terrifying how similar they were.

When I first heard them from the first person (engaged), I didn't care at all and I was like ("jeez, what an idiot…").

When I heard the same comments from the second person (now in LTR), I was like "another idiot?"

Heard them from a 3rd person, a French, and I was like “hmmm..."

When I heard them the same from my supervisor (married), here when I am starting to feel how unwelcome my personality is... I am completely puzzled and this has been troubling my mind... I can't ignore them in my mind anymore.


I knew these men for years and they never ever had problems in relationships and now they're all in long-term relationships. They're all NTs, they all have successful careers and far better social lives, so we can’t say they’re envying me or something.


These comments sounded as real-life reminders and confirmations about things that I previously had doubts that they may be what are making me undesirable, stereotypes that I lately worked hard to stop believing and thinking about them, now they're all back in a bulk.

Note that those comments were said out of the blue, and not during some convo about dating. In fact, I never discuss about my dating problems with people, I try to not even show this area of life is troubling me or even bothering me per se to the extent that some thought I was gay, the things I say about on WP are only said on WP (but they all know me I am single).


Those comments were said in different occasions and said separately, but they all resolved around the same theme, they are:

1- They all said that my profile looks too nerdy. they all hated that profile picture which is Simpsonized version of my face. http://a2.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos- ... 9419_n.jpg
"It makes you look too geek" (with a tone of disappointment), all four said it. They all said along with it “girls don’t like nerds”. One of them even said ‘girls only like geeks as friends, never more”.

2- That I should put more photos other than home and workplace pictures, more outgoing pictures.

3- Three of them (seriously), said I should post more pictures with girls, because it would make me look more desirable (?!).

4- That I look overall too geeky/nerdy in my profile and that’s very bad.

5- You look too nice in pics.


These comments don’t only just reflect NT “facebook thinking”, they also reflect a specific mainstream view and idea about geeks/nerdy, as if it’s among common sense.

So what basically they’re trying to tell me:

1- Your nerdy character/look is totally undesirable and even repelling.
2- Don’t be yourself
3- Project a more outgoing image of yourself (aka, fake it).



So that’s it, there’s no mystery about my problem anymore. My first guts were right, it’s just about myself, my very personality, or how my very self is perceived by others, and all of my overanalyzing that came out later on WP were all bs.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 18 Oct 2011, 10:12 am, edited 2 times in total.

I like the Simpsonized picture, I had one up for a long time on FB, I thought it was pretty funny. I don't see anything off putting about yours though.

I am not sure how one is supposed to obtain "outgoing" pictures when one is introverted. That just doesn't make any sense to me. Why show pictures of you in a bar, if in real life you would rather stay home and launder your socks than be in a bar? That just seems extraordinarily fictitious (at least it would be for me personally). Same thing if I were to have a photo taken at a football game or something, it might as well be on the moon because in real life I am not going to be there smiling.

Do you have an event that you love to do outside of home and work, related to your special interest? Something that would genuinely cause you to smile or at least be happy in your own way? I think that would be far more interesting to see. For instance if you love hiking, a photo in nature.

I sort of understand the idea behind having photos "with girls", to sort of prove that girls are willing to be near you, but at the same time it also makes it confusing because are the girls your sister or your platonic friend or a date?

In general, I just don't think that "girls don't like nerds" is a true statement. I like nerds. Teenage girls might not like them, but I am a grown up. Girls may not like things like neglected hygiene, or outdated hairstyles, or wearing a brown belt with blue shoes or something like that. Other possible nerd things could be very much what girls like though, such as being a loyal and trustworthy individual, giving them your genuine attention and respect, being accountable, having a job that you are very skilled at, and your extensive knowledge of your areas of special interest.

I think what I am trying to say is please don't give up on being who you really are or try to get rid of that just because other people are trying to be "helpful".

The truth is that even though these men were trying to be helpful, and that they have long term relationships to prove their successfulness, They might not actually know WHY they were successful. I would say it would be more informative to ask their girlfriends why the men were successful, because it might not be what the men think.

I have had a picture of scott pilgrim imitating super mario world 3? cover for a while at the spanish copycat of fb and nobody has said anything about it.

Im sure that your picture looks less nerdy than this

Ive been approached by several females with a picture that made a joke about a somewhat current event on fb involving a mention of darth vader. If someone is going to approach you on fb they couldnt care less about your profile pic, unless you are trying to attract random strangers. [img][800:402]http://a3.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/319949_2500388308030_1202589551_3042396_1610665689_n.jpg[/img]

First of all, funny stuff. Where did you get that done? Second, don't listen to those guys. They don't know what they're talking about. I would also have to agree with Glasstoria. Only high school girls reject nerds. You, on the other hand, are an adult, looking for an adult relationship. When women get older, they don't care about things like that anymore. As long as you are nice, and know how to treat a woman, it doesn't really matter what you look like. And so what if you're not outgoing? Is that necessarily a bad thing? Not everybody is outgoing. Everyone is different. Again, I would have to agree with Glasstoria. Post pictures of yourself doing things you like to do. If you like skiing, post pictures of yourself in the mountains. If you like animals, post pictures of yourself with your pet. Don't let anyone else influence your decisions. If you're not the kind of guy who likes to party and is surrounded by girls, then so what? That's not who you are. Be yourself. Be honest. That's what women like.

-I don't use fb for dating, nor to approach strangers it's not a dating venue.
-The problem is not really FB-related.
-I won't do by their advice, because their advice is unfeasible anyways.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 17 Oct 2011, 2:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

If you would fake a guy you are not really being -- for the purpose to attract girls -- those girls would be attracted by an image which doesn't show yourself as you are. What should it be good for to attract people who are not attracted to you? In the long run, this would never work. They should like you for who you are.

Boo, they're just jealous because they didn't think of the simpsonized pic first. If they really cared about you, they would scope out woman who are good matches, not just rag about how you need to change. My family always asks about my situation but they never tell me to change. They just tell me to be happy.

and to add people use all kinds of profile pics, real or not so its all good.

I've a picture of myself up on Facebook with a transvestite. I wonder if that makes me seem more desirable.

Yeah, I've noticed that men usually don't advice other men in the mindset of 'compatibility' ,but more likely in a mindset of 'numbers' ,and the higher number the better the chance is. Hell, even some women do advice men in the latter mindset.

I am generally only attracted to geeks or nerds. I like intelligent men, that show a fervent interest in something they enjoy. I'm not a huge geek, but have certain geeky/nerdy qualities so that may be why. They lie

and what's my proof to myself that they're lying or not saying some truth? my rich relationships record? their failure record? lol

Empirical evidences based on my life and theirs show that they are somehow right.

Maybe it's not so much faking, but mixing your geek side up with something a bit more 'outgoing'

I think most guys (and girls for that matter) are a bit geeky about something, it's just balanced by other things too.

If you can get what you want out of life by never changing, then cool.

I still feel like me even though I do things that the old me would never have considered.

Maybe you're right, maybe most people don't even realize that one could be that non-outgoing. So they were probably wondering why there are not outgoing pics/activities.

I like nerds.

Being yourself is the best thing you can do because you'll feel most comfortable in who you are and that will reflect in your belief in yourself. You'll eventually find someone that shares a similar interest to you. You'll attract someone that you are actually compatible with instead of putting up a facade or masking who you really are.

I tend to like people that like computers, art, anime, tattoos, video games, comics. I'm quite the nerd and I've attracted a few girls that had similar interests and friends that share my interests so there is hope, there's plenty of girls that like nerdy guys. I'm very attracted to people that are playful, childlike, nerdy, spontaneous and quirky.