What's wrong with me? Why can't I get a girlfriend?

Post Reply New Topic

I am about to turn 23 and I have never had a girlfriend. For the past 3 years I have basically dedicated my life to getting one. It consumes my thoughts 24/7 and has led to shitty grades, no jobs, and just me alone. I am always in the gym doing everything I can do better my appearance and making sure I always look my best. Tons of girls have expressed interest by smiling..I have basically build the physique that mainstream girls are supposed to like...and I am smart and not drooling at the mouth or anything like that.. Everytime I tell myself I am going to make something happen, and then I don't approach and make something happen and return home depressed as hell telling myself that next time will be different. I feel that the best years of my life will soon be over and I will have nothing but my hands and loneliness....WTF is wrong with me..anyone in the similar boat?

I believe there are one or two people here in the same boat ;) Just keep trying, you've definitely got time on your side

Prioritize your goals in a common sense order:
1-Get a degree (forget gym for now)
2-Get a job
3-A place and a car
4-Go to gym again
5-and then try to get a gf.

As long as you're not utterly repulsive, you're datable.

It's common to lack confidence to initiate with a woman in person.

Usually the best alternative is an online dating site.

plentyoffish gives you plenty of practice. okcupid is more your high level dating.

Seriously now, get your degree.

Also, thinking about getting a girl is usually the worst way to actually do something. Because it consumes your thoughts so much you freeze whenever you have to actually do something about it (for example, approaching a girl). Try not to see it as something serious or that important ant it might be easier. I mean, women are obviously giving you the green light (they smile at you = they are interested).

However, I don't like that you say you want a "hot" girl. I mean, of course you should be attracted to a girl, but find the one you are attracted to, and not the one society hails as the hottest. Seriously, that's a recipe for fail.

In my early twenties: for all the friends I had, for all the state to state traveling we did for raves from 1998 to 2001 or so, for all the parties I had in my parents basement with 10 to 15 people chilling at my place - three days out of the week in the summer; I had nothing to show for it on the relationship level. I could go to a party, roll in deep, be the guy everyone seemed to know, and... that was about it.

For as much as I've tried to refine my own social skills I had to face some hard realities; the thing that keeps me out of the box on dating is unchangeable. That said though at almost 32 and single I wouldn't trade places with you for anything. In your early 20's the pressures you put on yourself are insane, even if you decide to say screw it and focus on other things your friends won't let you go on it and - under the weight of other people's criticisms, you feel like you need to keep reinventing the wheel and keep reproving to as many new people who come your way and challenge you on what they don't believe you've already done. It seems like it takes until your late 20's that people get over it, actually understand that they themselves have things in their own identities that they can't change, and if someone's constantly single they aren't either harping on them about it or diagnosing them as a closet homosexual and then trying to test them and prod them out.

The only thing I can say is hang in there and, more important than anything: do something about your grades. The workouts are great but do them for yourself. Build skills, work on refining talents and abilities (especially marketable ones) and truth be told, singlehood has a very big plus - you keep as much of your own money as you want, you have far fewer people spending your money for you with nearly the intensity, and you have so much time to invest back into yourself - if trying to get in to the relationship world is like trying to break down a tank with a toothpick, I hate to say it but, it sounds like you need to shift your priorities. I think the depression will start to fade more once you have most of the illusions and smoke people have blown up your arse about what life is or should be out of your system and when you realize that next to no one is living the dream.

deconstruction and techstepgenr8tion... awesome posts!! !! it feels lame to just say that lol

before i started college I was never thinking about girls. Always just work work work. But when I started it just consumed everything. It is all I think about night and day. I don't understand why some guys that haven't achieved as much as me and aren't as good looking as me are getting beautiful girls and I am not. It really makes me angry. The only way my life is going to turn around is if I start having success with women. Until then it will continue being shitty and I will just continuing being some angry guy in the gym.

I want to have sex with beautiful young women. I am reaching the end of my youth and soon that won't be possible unless I use hookers.