What's wrong with me? Why can't I get a girlfriend?

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As a previous poster said, you're putting far too much emphasis on yourself and not on how you respect others, relate to them, empathize with them or connect with them. True confidence and power doesn't need to brag about being what it is, it simply is, you shouldn't use bodybuilding as an excuse to compensate for other things such as lack of empathy or building better social skills.

If you want better social skills, socialize more, if you want to emphasize better with other people, emphasize more, if you want to better with humor, go out and practice humor on people, even if it goes disastrously wrong to begin with and you face rejection, you'll get better. Working out does show dedication, determination and discipline but stop going around with a sense of entitlement, working out or being aesthetically attractive doesn't make you better than anyone else.

Yes, certainly is hard to approach, Asperger's or not. I don't understand why. Not approaching has been the story of my life. Everyday I go home miserable because of my ability not to approach (miserable food and a life in the gym does not help either). And now I have the fear that my time is running out since I am turning 23 next month. In 2-3 years girls in the 18-22 range will be off limits for me. I know I probably may have a sense of entitlement, but shouldn't I when I am doing everything I am supposed to do and have never had a beautiful girlfriend? Why are the other guys getting girls? I know that this is going to be the biggest regret of my entire life. Because even if I become successful I can never buy back my youth. With this new obsession of mine though I don't know how I will be successful though. I wanted to be the young ripped guy with muscles that gets tons of girls.

I'm going to start walking around and asking girls for directions a lot and then try and turn the conversation to more personal things in the hopes of leading to a #. Anyone else done this?

Do any of you get paranoid about your expiring youth?

I think everyone does because you're coming into gaining your independence, lots of peer pressure and social pressure is put on people to become independent, start a family, do something great or achieve something. You really need to stop allowing other to define your enjoyment and worth in life and start living life for yourself, start thinking for yourself, start setting your own expectations and you'll be a happier person.

^ This.

I do have a sense of entitlement and get everything I want. But why shouldn't I when I am doing everything right: fantastic body, smart, good school, nice clothes, good appearance, good look, etc. But what I can't figure out is why if I think I am so perfect I am not approaching and having lots of sex with girls or regularly sex with a hot girlfriend.

Actually, up to this point I would say that it is fair - and I've seen and understood this one for a long time (really if they smile and I don't go talk I realize its me making the decision that they aren't my type or I'm not seeing enough good signs in other ways). The only annoying thing is when you do go to chat them up and find them repellant to it - ie. its like they want more flirting, NT slush-talk, and while you're being far from Aspie-literal, little-professor, or pedantic its still not the soap opera action or smooth operator mack work they were looking for.

I have noticed something else though, when someone is 'really' interested, regardless of whether you are or aren't, you get a much more esoteric reaction to what they're seeing in you. If someone seems frankly more seriously fascinated by you or like they're analyzing and getting blown away, even more so when they're not able to flirt on that level or seem like they're getting nervous, you know for sure that you're striking a chord with em.

Last edited by techstepgenr8tion on 13 Nov 2011, 9:43 am, edited 1 time in total.

Based on your posts here, I get the impression that your personality and attitude may be the main issues.

So you think I give off a bad vibe? Like a narcissistic vibe? Are people with Asperger's narcisstic?

Yes, yes and no, as I am an Aspie as is one of my best IRL friends and we completely lack narcissistic traits.

I do think you should work on that attitude. The world owes you nothing. Furthermore, you should work to become a compassionate human being (not saying that you aren't already) and someone who wants to be friends and know other people he wants to be in a relationship with. A girl is not a prize; she's a human being, and she's not any better or worse than you.

You don't seem interested in women as people.

The cold approach you talk about (to approach random girls) rarely works, even for the NTs. Most of the men (both NTs and Aspies) don't have much of a luck with it because women are cautions about random men approaching them. It's always better to ask a girl you already know. She doesn't have to be your best friend, but an acquaintance. Someone you talked to outside pure flirting. It's another reason why it's best to get your degree- you will get a chance to meet more women naturally.

But sure, if all you want is to have sex, you have other options. You can sign in for an adult dating site, post a photo of your abs and write: ladies, I'm a virgin, wanna help me with this? Oh, but you must be between 18 and 22 and hot. (<- I'm being sarcastic here. I don't recommend this. It's a bad thing to do. But you talk about your physical appearance so much and you want a "hot" girl, so it looks to me that you don't really want to date or meet a woman and get to know her).

See? Luck. I've noticed there are tons of people who SHOULD have significant others, whether man or woman, and they just don't. They have good jobs, a nice place to live, good social skills, the whole 9. But there are people who have jack going for them and they manage to get into long-lasting relationships somehow.

Fate just deals cruel hands to certain people. Best way to go about it is either stop caring, wait, or try to change your luck. Although changing your luck doesn't really work; it's a random component that basically follows a track record (paradoxical, I know).

Lol sorry but you're being naive. I agree that most girls want to be approached but a smile != green light.

Without a shadow of a doubt, that has to be one of the biggest egotistical comments I've ever read on any web forum and if you carry on with this attitude. Seriously have you heard yourself? You sound like you have your head up your rear end, of course women are going to be turned off? And you are wondering why women are turned off?

Smile is a green light. But most of the time, it's not a green light to "I want to start something with you". It's often not even a green light for "I want you to approach me and flirt with me". But it's a sign that she's not uncomfortable about you.

I'm talking about a situation where a girl initiates a contact by smiling. When she's checking you out and then smiling at you. Not a polite smile when your eyes meet by an accident.

Now, I don't know how to tell one smile over another, but many women don't want to do anything more than this to make a man approach.

The truth is, there's no universal way to tell what kind of a smile it is. But it's worth checking. If she doesn't want to be approached, she will show that in other ways. But a smile is definitely not a "back off!" sign. That's why I said it was a green light.