I uh, I'm pretty choked today (a rant)
19 Dec 2011, 12:24 pm
Well today is a bad day. I'm usually really positive, and I'll be doing my yoga as planned this afternoon.
But gosh, how long has it been since I was on a date? I remember the last "date" I had was with a cute university girl who worked at the University hospital. We went out for tea, I offered to pay, and she did. I was taken back. We had a really awesome time. Eventually we were sitting on my couch after toking up (previously she knew I had AS) and i asked her if I could put my arm around her (I wasn't sure where we stood, and I really wanted to!) She said "no" I was shocked to say the least. I thought things were going well. We had been talking for a while before we had actually met (we met off the internet)
We hug multiple times before she leaves, and she says something stupid like "I'm so excited for what's to happen between us" I was like "What?" in my head. I had no idea what that meant.
- Anwyays, in summary we never talked again after she tried being friends with me after she decided she'd rather see some other guy she had been seeing, rather than myself.
It's been years, since I've been on a date that went well. Or even went to the next level. High School was the last time I had a girlfriend. And I'm telling myself "Ok Chris, you can wait until summer, maybe something will happen then when you're in awesome shape - and girls will oggle you from afar." Most likely that isn't the case and is a very egotistical way of thinking.
So I find myself depressed in bed, wondering when a girl will come my way. Do I have to wait until University next year? What if nothing happens then? How much longer will I have to wait? How long have you guys been waiting? What do you guys do to keep the pain for eating away at you? Is there any advice you can give at all to a lonely heart?
19 Dec 2011, 12:38 pm
I have been waiting a long time unfortunately and I was trying to pursue a deeper ralationship with another aspie and for over a year trying to show my affection in the only way I know how through beingthere and doing things for this person and what happens-they go out on 1 "date" with this other person-now this is after the person I am trying to cultivate a deeper relationship with kept telling me they had a problem with age difference-and go out with a person 3 years younger than me and have sex on the first "date" and I was told afterwards when I found this out that it wasn' an age difference problem-it was my looks and personality-well why were we even friends to start in the first place-talk about being used. I would live to know myself how to be successful in finding a romantic partner and to have a relationship-I am having no luck and now that I know about my AS time is being cruel with me as I am getting older and missed out on lots of experiences-never been on an official date-never had and sexual realations with anyone and at 47 who would want me now anyway due to the superficiality of people. Good luck on finding the answer and it seems it is esier to hurt someone than to talk to them and get to know them and find out you like them.
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No Pain.-No Pain!! !!
19 Dec 2011, 12:42 pm
Oh man. I think you should have made this thread. No offense. I feel for you man. I have another friend who is just down and out and not into himself. I reeeeally hope you can find someone or something that will bring you the euphoria that all humans need. I can't relate, because I'm not 47 but my uncle is and he likes to spend lots of time building things. It sounds fun, and maybe that might help? Just a suggestion, I'm not sure how good you are with tools or two by fours lol.
This happens to me allllll the time. Why did we even start off as friends if you're going to treat me like this?
- and by allllll the time I mean two times a year
19 Dec 2011, 12:45 pm
You take rejection too harshly, you need to be persistent because you're never going to get a girlfriend waiting around or sitting at home in self pity, you need to get out approach girls, become more active, join local classes or groups that interest you.
19 Dec 2011, 1:19 pm
To be honest, the pain is eating away at me too. Every day, I relive all my failures, over and over again, and I can't control it. People are often envious of my long-term memory, but they don't realize what it really entails...
19 Dec 2011, 3:57 pm
You take rejection too harshly, you need to be persistent because you're never going to get a girlfriend waiting around or sitting at home in self pity, you need to get out approach girls, become more active, join local classes or groups that interest you.
Yeahhh, I've tried joining rec soccer and bikram yoga. People talk to me, but nothing ever comes out of it. We never exchange numbers or anything. They're not interesting..
When it came to indoor soccer, the girls who WERE actually attractive to me, didn't talk to me, and when I talked to them they didn't reciprocate anything further than lending me a pair of socks for the game or praising me on my defensive abilities. That or they tried to control me and my movements on the field. It was frustrating to say the least, and I quit after four or five games.
Bikram Yoga - well none of the girls there had an interest in me either. Kinda older women, and one older woman who did talk to me wasn't interested after I made a joke in response to her comment. It wasn't even insulting I was just saying how hot it was in there.
I found myself chatting with a couple for the most part, who were really weird. They were a little too spiritual in my opinion.
19 Dec 2011, 4:56 pm
When it came to indoor soccer, the girls who WERE actually attractive to me, didn't talk to me, and when I talked to them they didn't reciprocate anything further than lending me a pair of socks for the game or praising me on my defensive abilities. That or they tried to control me and my movements on the field. It was frustrating to say the least, and I quit after four or five games.
Bikram Yoga - well none of the girls there had an interest in me either. Kinda older women, and one older woman who did talk to me wasn't interested after I made a joke in response to her comment. It wasn't even insulting I was just saying how hot it was in there.
I found myself chatting with a couple for the most part, who were really weird. They were a little too spiritual in my opinion.
If those are the things that you are into then do them anyway. These people that you meet may not be suited for you but if you get to know them properly you will probably find that they have friends / family members that do suit you. All the best for next summer. Nice shirt in the avatar (off topic i know!!)
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"grrrrr"
19 Dec 2011, 5:03 pm
there is an aspie group in edmonton, if you don't already attend. it's a good way to network, meet new people, and get some dating strategies.
the group for 18 to 24 year olds is called ABCs of Understanding Neurotypicals and the website for the autism society says: "For young adults with Asperger's Syndrome aged 18 to 24) A social and skill development group for young adults with Asperger Syndrome which focuses on relationship development."
contact information for the autism society can be found here:
http://www.autismedmonton.org/contact
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19 Dec 2011, 5:08 pm
I know there is.
I use to volunteer with the autism society. I quit because the person in charge was NT, and I disliked her personality very much.
She was too nice, and impossible to read. That autism society is also in the middle of nowhere, and I would hate to sacrafice my personal time to catch two - three buses in the dead of winter to listen to a group of people talk about their problems and eat cups of organic yogurt
19 Dec 2011, 5:16 pm
I use to volunteer with the autism society. I quit because the person in charge was NT, and I disliked her personality very much.
She was too nice, and impossible to read. That autism society is also in the middle of nowhere, and I would hate to sacrafice my personal time to catch two - three buses in the dead of winter to listen to a group of people talk about their problems and eat cups of organic yogurt
it's right by Kingsway Mall, that's not exactly the middle of nowhere lol. there was recently a change in management at the society.
i get a lot out of the 25+ group, but i tend to bring a positive attitude.
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19 Dec 2011, 5:18 pm
I use to volunteer with the autism society. I quit because the person in charge was NT, and I disliked her personality very much.
She was too nice, and impossible to read. That autism society is also in the middle of nowhere, and I would hate to sacrafice my personal time to catch two - three buses in the dead of winter to listen to a group of people talk about their problems and eat cups of organic yogurt
it's right by Kingsway Mall, that's not exactly the middle of nowhere lol. there was recently a change in management at the society.
i get a lot out of the 25+ group, but i tend to bring a positive attitude.
The last time I was there was a couple years ago and it was near Whyte Avenue. That would also accost me four buses in total, and a total of two - three hours of my time to again; listen to people. I can read much better things on this forum.
19 Dec 2011, 7:45 pm
Oh man. I think you should have made this thread. No offense. I feel for you man. I have another friend who is just down and out and not into himself. I reeeeally hope you can find someone or something that will bring you the euphoria that all humans need. I can't relate, because I'm not 47 but my uncle is and he likes to spend lots of time building things. It sounds fun, and maybe that might help? Just a suggestion, I'm not sure how good you are with tools or two by fours lol.
I am good with my hands but with electronics and fixing things -building things isn't a good substitute for interpersonal relationship or a romantic relationship-well maybe building my own companion will happen faster than finding a person that would want to be with me as much as I want to be with them.
This happens to me allllll the time. Why did we even start off as friends if you're going to treat me like this?
- and by allllll the time I mean two times a year
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No Pain.-No Pain!! !!
19 Dec 2011, 8:42 pm
I wish things were easier for all of us to find happiness in finding a person to have a relationship with.We want the same things as NT's-I just don't know how to do it.
_________________
No Pain.-No Pain!! !!
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