Truth about Asperger marriage failure rates?

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It requires my concentration every day (such as I have to remind myself to ask her how she's feeling and then replace the words "I think" with "I feel" when I'm talking to her about something I'm thinking about so she doesn't think I'm trying to undermine her (when she tells me how she feels)/ she says she feels closer to me when I do that).

It helps that she's learned to be a little more explicitly direct about what she wants, I've had her read some stuff online to help understand how this tends to work from my end. We'll be married 2 years in July, so, there's still plenty of settling in that has to happen yet.

Over all provided we don't burn each other out (since any big adjustment statistically carries that risk) we should be fine long term. I don't know if that answers your questions adequately or not. Let me know.

Well my marriage certainly is falling apart. We haven't separated yet since it serves practical purposes like taking care of kid, less rent money, visas and so on..

I was married for 13 years. I did not know what Asperger's was at the time nor did I suspect either of us had it.
Only after I divorced him did I come to the realization that we probably both have it and that probably was what drew us together in the first place, nobody else was interested in being around either of us so we started spending time with each other. I guess because he was male and I was female everyone, including us, expected it to progress into a romantic relationship so I went along for the ride. I never dated anyone before, no one was ever interested in me before (or at least I was oblivious to anyone's interest). I didn't feel the feeling I expected I would when I fell in love but I had never fallen in love so I had nothing to compare to other than what movies and society leads you to believe and I decided that those claims were over inflated.

He was very kind to me when we dated but as soon as we got married and began living together he became very controlling and proved to have a short temper. I was expected to follow a set of unwritten rules that only made sense to him. He would fly into fits of rage whenever I violated his invisible rules. We went to lots of marriage counseling, which did not help. Finally, after we had a child (which was a miracle seeing we were rarely romantic), I decided it was a bad environment for a child to be raised in.

Had I realized Autism was a major factor in our relationship perhaps other paths could have been tried to resolve our issues. He was very resistant to any input or change so it's likely things would have turned out just the same anyway. I put it out there after we were divorced and I had come to this discovery but he refused to consider my input. As far as I know, he still has never taken any steps to resolve his anger issues or explore the possibility that he has Aspergers.

I would have to say marriage failure depends on the individuals involved and how Aspergers affects them, but I imagine the relationship failure rate is higher than NTs. There are just so many hurdles to overcome. But willingness to work on issues is a key factor and my ex was not willing.

I've never been married and I'm 44. I'm really asking God for guidance because I would never be satisfied with my choice.

I think I've finally figured out why my marriage is so difficult and has been the whole 12 years. Someone pointed out in a closed Facebook post reply that what I need is a type A woman who is OCD. This was in response to my post about the difficulties of being a civilian vs being in the Navy. When I was in the Navy everything was planned for me and they had ways to motivate us. Now I have to handle the planning and the motivation, in order to stay in shape and healthy and have a good work day, which is not working out well. It is taking forever for me to excel in these areas.

I believe the reply to my post was right, I would function very well with a Type A, OCD wife. In fact, whenever my eyes and heart wandered it was usually toward exactly that. I have, in the nicest way possible, tried to teach my wife to stand up for herself, and workout, etc. I've always desired fit, assertive women. But I never realized that that's what I should look for. When I got married I was still tied emotionally into my evangelical Christian family who had different ideas of a good wife. They all, in fact, tried to hook me up with a woman who they thought would be a good fit. This is the woman I married. She was timid and needy and my powerful, all-consuming empathy took over. (I have too much empathy)

At the time, I was in the Navy, trying to pursue earning my place as a Navy SEAL. No one, myself included, knew I was an aspie. I had learned how to mimic Type A people, and I was doing pretty well at it. I had practiced it since childhood, which is easy to do in the south. My wife, who I believe is an aspie, too, desired a type A man, which I portrayed well. This pressure to pretend was having a toll on me and the marriage, and we couldn't figure it out. I never got my head above water to continue pursuing becoming a SEAL. Never happened.

I functioned well at work because of the structure and people to copy. At home, there was no structure, because she needed it from me and I needed it from her. There were good times, but never a time when I didn't have regrets. I almost left her about two years ago. I met a type A woman who I pursued. I gave my ultimatum, not trying to change my wife or anything, I just wanted out. My wife proceeded to try to change herself and we are still together. I agreed because it's normal for me to be constantly trying to be more type A, fit, and assertive. When she said that's what she wanted to do, I believed her.

Sometimes now I doubt that it will work. On a good day, I can muster the energy to be assertive, but it doesn't last. We live in her parent's disordered house. I have to try to bring things in order because no one else will do it. She doesn't help much but complains about everything. She constantly wears her heart on her sleeve. I hid my struggles and just press forward. When she has trouble with our aspie daughter, she expects advice from me, I try, but I also think, why can't you just figure it out and try different things without just getting emotional and shutting down. But she is an aspie, and it is too much for her to handle emotionally. I'm trying to take charge but I can't be the sole leader like the church says I'm supposed to be, I need a partner leader. I can't emotionally handle it on my own either.

This is my aspie marriage. I was too confused to understand what type of wife I needed. I would have waited to decide but feel like it was arranged by my churchy family. When I would look at women as a teen (which was my way of trying to decide what I was looking for) they told me, that it was a sin to look at a woman in lust. This was very confusing and when the time came, I had no idea what I was looking for. They told me what "I was looking for." So ultimately, I blame the church as a whole for creating the conditions for this type of behavior. The church as a whole remains ignorant as to the needs of individuals and try to force everyone into their box of behavior. Because of this our marriage and lives have suffered in confusion. If the church would have allowed for diversity in thought, I don't think my family would have been brainwashed to think that it was a good thing to arrange a hookup of neurodivergent individuals. But who knows.

We have one child and another on the way. We will continue to make this work despite the difficulties. But here is one example of an aspie marriage. My advice, know what you need, and don't let other people convince you otherwise.