Is not having friends a turn off?

Page 7 of 13 [ 188 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 ... 13  Next

ValentineWiggin
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 May 2011
Age:27
Posts: 4,921
Location: Beneath my cat's paw

09 Apr 2012, 9:37 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
you're asserting that some people do not need friends, and frankly... that's not supported in the research

What research is this, which specifically studied people who don't want friends?
hyperlexian wrote:
there are many, many studies with autistic people and people with social anxiety.

Those aren't groups who don't want friends.
hyperlexian wrote:
also, being introverted doesn't equal "not having friends".

True- I realize I was equivocating.


Of these:

X characteristic applies to every single member of Y group.

Sez what?

The former is the claim, and a radical one, and the latter is no claim at all.



If there are to be claimed health benefits on the human psyche and physiology for having friends,
and consequences to not having them,
I would think it kind of important to ensure that ALL people are wired in this identical way before asserting such.

Or else use qualifiers so as not to marginalize people and deny their reality.


_________________
"Such is the Frailty
of the human Heart, that very few Men, who have no Property, have any Judgment of their own.
They talk and vote as they are directed by Some Man of Property, who has attached their Minds
to his Interest."


hyperlexian
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2010
Age:43
Posts: 21,997
Location: with bucephalus

09 Apr 2012, 9:42 pm

the studies were of autistic people and people with social phobias.

you are somehow trying to assert that people who don't WANT friends would not be included in the studies, but they would be. and any good researcher would note it accordingly if the results from that group were vastly different from the rest of the group under study.

i haven't seen any valid argument as to why some people supposedly don't need friends except that... they don't WANT them. just like i don't want vegetables, actually.


_________________
on a break, so if you need assistance please contact another moderator from this list:
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt237032.html


ValentineWiggin
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 May 2011
Age:27
Posts: 4,921
Location: Beneath my cat's paw

09 Apr 2012, 9:48 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
the studies were of autistic people and people with social phobias.

Again, those aren't people who aren't desirous of friends- they're people who face significant difficulties in acquiring them...
hyperlexian wrote:
you are somehow trying to assert that people who don't WANT friends would not be included in the studies, but they would be.

Not being excluded doesn't mean they were studied separately and compared to a control.
hyperlexian wrote:
and any good researcher would note it accordingly if the results from that group were vastly different from the rest of the group under study.

I've yet to see a study cited wherein people who weren't desirous of friends WERE studied as a group.

hyperlexian wrote:
i haven't seen any valid argument as to why some people supposedly don't need friends except that... they don't WANT them. just like i don't want vegetables, actually.

Probably because I'm not making an argument.
I'm asking for evidence about a claim made about all of humankind
and have yet to see it...

I haven't seen any study on why there would be psychological or health benefits in friendship (how this constitutes a "need" in a real sense is yet another question) for people who naturally or nurturally are wired to not be desirous of it. Since, ya know, that's what's being claimed....


_________________
"Such is the Frailty
of the human Heart, that very few Men, who have no Property, have any Judgment of their own.
They talk and vote as they are directed by Some Man of Property, who has attached their Minds
to his Interest."


Last edited by ValentineWiggin on 09 Apr 2012, 9:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

hyperlexian
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2010
Age:43
Posts: 21,997
Location: with bucephalus

09 Apr 2012, 9:49 pm

.... they are included in the same studies....


_________________
on a break, so if you need assistance please contact another moderator from this list:
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt237032.html


ValentineWiggin
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 May 2011
Age:27
Posts: 4,921
Location: Beneath my cat's paw

09 Apr 2012, 9:51 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
.... they are included in the same studies....


~sigh~

Were they studied separately, as a group, and the data compared to a control?

Yes/no?


_________________
"Such is the Frailty
of the human Heart, that very few Men, who have no Property, have any Judgment of their own.
They talk and vote as they are directed by Some Man of Property, who has attached their Minds
to his Interest."


hyperlexian
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2010
Age:43
Posts: 21,997
Location: with bucephalus

09 Apr 2012, 9:57 pm

i don't know.... i wouldn't search that because i don't think it's necessary.


_________________
on a break, so if you need assistance please contact another moderator from this list:
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt237032.html


ValentineWiggin
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 May 2011
Age:27
Posts: 4,921
Location: Beneath my cat's paw

09 Apr 2012, 10:08 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
i don't know.... i wouldn't search that because i don't think it's necessary.


It is necessary, when the claim is about every member of a class of people, that the supporting evidence control for all related variables.

It used to be thought, for instance, that sexual attraction was a fundamental human experience,
and research into the benefits of sexual activity to this day presumes that participants experience some degree of sexual attraction.
And because of this presumption, as opposed to controlling for all possible variables,
IE, the idea that some people AREN'T wired this way,
the findings can't be extrapolated to everyone-
it CAN'T be claimed that the positive benefits from sex are universal to all people,
because researchers failed to make sure to include asexuals specifically, and compare their responses to a sexual control-
it certainly stands to reason that the experience of sex to an asexual would present very differently physically and psychologically.

Those who for whatever reason aren't desirous of friends as the majority of people seem to be are being overlooked in a similar way when studies fail to examine their responses specifically.

All that can be in good conscience claimed is that:
"Among X class, where A, B, C, D, but NOT E are controlled for, Y behavior has positive benefits


_________________
"Such is the Frailty
of the human Heart, that very few Men, who have no Property, have any Judgment of their own.
They talk and vote as they are directed by Some Man of Property, who has attached their Minds
to his Interest."


hyperlexian
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2010
Age:43
Posts: 21,997
Location: with bucephalus

09 Apr 2012, 10:13 pm

well, you're making a claim that you don't need friends and are not pleased to be judged on not having friends. however, you don't have anything to support that assertion. your only argument is that... you don't want them. people don't always act in their own best interests so that is not really a valid argument.

if you don't want friends, that's fine. nobody will force you. but it is not reasonable to expect that people would overlook that fact when deciding whether to date you.

now that i think of it... do you have friends that you talk to online?


_________________
on a break, so if you need assistance please contact another moderator from this list:
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt237032.html


ValentineWiggin
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 May 2011
Age:27
Posts: 4,921
Location: Beneath my cat's paw

09 Apr 2012, 10:16 pm

I've made no claims, so I need no evidence.


I've simply asked a dozen times for evidence of claims you've made- studies which account for all relevant variables,
IE, that there is a singular dynamic between all humankind and the notion of friendship, that being one with positive benefits.


Done.

hyperlexian wrote:
now that i think of it... do you have friends that you talk to online?


No. I used to try to engage some people I knew from theatre in debate on Facebook, but that wasn't successful.
I've never really gotten the notion of "friendship", per se. As I've said...

The forums here constitute the whole of any socialization I might have, now that the boyfriend's on a work trip,
apart from family gatherings on holidays.

And that's fine. :lol:

Wait...does a grumpy fat tom cat count?
Actually, he ignores me, usually, too. So nvm. :)


_________________
"Such is the Frailty
of the human Heart, that very few Men, who have no Property, have any Judgment of their own.
They talk and vote as they are directed by Some Man of Property, who has attached their Minds
to his Interest."


hyperlexian
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2010
Age:43
Posts: 21,997
Location: with bucephalus

09 Apr 2012, 10:23 pm

these are some of your claims:

Quote:
Those who for whatever reason aren't desirous of friends as the majority of people seem to be are being overlooked in a similar way when studies fail to examine their responses specifically.


Quote:
and that I find it difficult to believe that those who actively dislike (or loathe) socialization and are not desirous of friends suffer much from not having them-seems mighty counter-intuitive.


Quote:
Social skills training and group therapy can enable one to have more effective communication with people, which is a problem with people who have a non-majoritive neurology.
That hardly translates into needing friends.


Quote:
I said not everyone experiences detrimental effects from NOT having them,


these are assertions.


_________________
on a break, so if you need assistance please contact another moderator from this list:
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt237032.html


ValentineWiggin
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 May 2011
Age:27
Posts: 4,921
Location: Beneath my cat's paw

09 Apr 2012, 10:31 pm

Quote:
Those who for whatever reason aren't desirous of friends as the majority of people seem to be are being overlooked in a similar way when studies fail to examine their responses specifically.

This is an argument from definition.
You can't make claims about the entirety of a group if you fail to isolate variables relevant to the conclusion drawn.
This is getting ridiculous.

Quote:
and that I find it difficult to believe that those who actively dislike (or loathe) socialization and are not desirous of friends suffer much from not having them-seems mighty counter-intuitive.

This is an expression of skepticism...IE, an INVITATION FOR ACTUAL EVIDENCE OF CLAIMS MADE. :lol:

Quote:
Social skills training and group therapy can enable one to have more effective communication with people, which is a problem with people who have a non-majoritive neurology.
That hardly translates into needing friends.

Communication =/= friendship drive is a claim that needs evidencing? 8O

Quote:
I said not everyone experiences detrimental effects from NOT having them,

Right, so another expression of skepticism of claims made by...you.


"I'm not convinced, and nothing you've shown accounts for the relevant variable which includes me" isn't a claim, no matter how you try to phrase it as such. Not playing the violin isn't a hobby, nor is bald a hair color. :lol:


_________________
"Such is the Frailty
of the human Heart, that very few Men, who have no Property, have any Judgment of their own.
They talk and vote as they are directed by Some Man of Property, who has attached their Minds
to his Interest."


ValentineWiggin
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 May 2011
Age:27
Posts: 4,921
Location: Beneath my cat's paw

09 Apr 2012, 10:35 pm

Has anything I've said about the importance of
isolating non-normative groups when making claims about them, undifferentiated from the whole,
sunken in?

Curious.


_________________
"Such is the Frailty
of the human Heart, that very few Men, who have no Property, have any Judgment of their own.
They talk and vote as they are directed by Some Man of Property, who has attached their Minds
to his Interest."


Joker
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Mar 2011
Age:26
Posts: 7,593
Location: North Carolina The Tar Heel State :)

09 Apr 2012, 10:36 pm

Hmm most of my friends are women now that I think about it.....I have like only four close guy friends and over 18 female friends :P

I am better at macking friends with girl's cause we get to have a girl's day put on make up and talk about boys 8)

I love going shopping with girls to it can be so much fun shopping with my brother is soo boring.



ValentineWiggin
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 May 2011
Age:27
Posts: 4,921
Location: Beneath my cat's paw

09 Apr 2012, 10:37 pm

Joker wrote:
Hmm most of my friends are women now that I think about it.....I have like only four close guy friends and over 18 female friends :P

I am better at macking friends with girl's cause we get to have a girl's day put on make up and talk about boys 8)

I love going shopping with girls to it can be so much fun shopping with my brother is soo boring.



I identify more with men. I've been looking into something akin to the "male lesbian" concept, only for women. :lol:


_________________
"Such is the Frailty
of the human Heart, that very few Men, who have no Property, have any Judgment of their own.
They talk and vote as they are directed by Some Man of Property, who has attached their Minds
to his Interest."


Joker
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Mar 2011
Age:26
Posts: 7,593
Location: North Carolina The Tar Heel State :)

09 Apr 2012, 10:39 pm

ValentineWiggin wrote:
Joker wrote:
Hmm most of my friends are women now that I think about it.....I have like only four close guy friends and over 18 female friends :P

I am better at macking friends with girl's cause we get to have a girl's day put on make up and talk about boys 8)

I love going shopping with girls to it can be so much fun shopping with my brother is soo boring.



I identify more with men. I've been looking into something akin to the "male lesbian" concept, only for women. :lol:


If I still had my ex girlfriends number you would be the perfect friend for her then.