Dealing with opinionated people

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Over the past weekend, a casual friend called me up and I had agreed to hang out by attempting to meet up with some other friends of ours. As we could not find them however, we both agreed to see a movie together. Although we are not dating, he has appeared to have a crush on me. I, on the other hand, don't have those feelings towards him in return. Why he had even tried to say that we were going on a date when I never intended on it in the first place.

When we were trying to call our friends, I didn't have a cell phone on me. He immediately cut me down for not being responsible with the new job that I had and other money coming in and for having to borrow his cell phone.

Anyway, I talked him into seeing a movie that I had wanted to see since it was playing at the theater and then based on current circumstances. It was during the the time when we were getting in line to buy the tickets that he called me high maintanence. It made me feel bad about myself but I brushed it off.

Then during the movie, he offered to share candy with me. As hungry as I was, I asked him for some more. He immediately shot back at me complaining that I was too demanding. He said, "You're like, I want candy now!" That made me not only feel more aware of myself but also bad at the same time.

After the movie ended, he offered to hold my hand as a joke in front of the other people walking out. I responded by telling him that I didn't think it was a good idea since I didn't feel that I was right for him. He immediately took to offense and told me that I was rude and inconsiderate for saying that.

This guy sounds like a real jerk and some of his behavior is what I believe is called sexual harassment. Tell him no means no and kick him to the curb.

Where do you guys find these people?

What's rude and inconsiderate is him taking offence over the boundaries you directly stated. Personally, I'd stick to being just friends, and if he does something like that again, you may have to cut the tie completely. Friend or not, if you directly state a boundary between you two, it should be acknowledge. Full stop.

In order to keep things from being going awkward is that I am probably going to to start inviting to group events rather than with one on one. He is welcome to call me to see if anything is going on. If there isn't more than two of us, then I am going to say no.

I met this guy through an adult ASD group about five years ago. He has some great qualities but the way he talks and acts around people makes them feel uncomfortable. He can also be very condescending and made comments like it's never enough for me and he is the one who takes care of me. However, that clearly is not the case.

He and I did see each other at one point but I quickly found out that he has a load of problems.

What an inconsiderate jerk... -.-

I can't judge this situation completely, so I can't take sides, but possibly, his insults were you were (very poorly done) attempts to tease you and create humor. If not, then he is a basket case.

Moreso, I believe he feels angry that he isn't able to meet up to your caliber, so he's trying to justify things.

The best thing do with bad apples is throw them away as soon as possible.

Sounds like he got some bad tips about how to "trick" a woman into a date. It sounds like he created a situation where you "unexpectedly" ended up alone together. Then went on with the pretend to be a jerk to make her interested schtick (unless he's just like that in general).

Last edited by Gravechylde on 18 Apr 2012, 10:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

If you find somebody's company unpleasant, especially somebody you don't really have much of a history with, that's really all there is to it. You don't have to justify yourself or analyze the situation or even judge them. You don't owe anybody to socialize with them. It's voluntary, and if anyone tries to tell you otherwise, they're full of it.

While everybody jumps to call the guy a jerk, let me offer a viable alternative understanding:

He was teasing you, trying to lighten your mood. We do that when we are flirting sometimes, when we try to "break the ice".

Why was he a jerk? Because he said you like candy? Because he tried (and I mean, ASKED) to hold your hand?

Without his side of the story, it's difficult to say, but you might try asking... I do ask when I'm in doubt if the person is joking ( I used to joke back... but then I got in trouble a lot of times because the other person wasn't and I couldn't tell... good times).

I'm pretty sure that calling someone high maintenance is not a compliment. That is why I think he's a jerk- even if he wasn't serious, that could be taken seriously.

Sounds like a common display of passive aggressiveness, tell him you are clear that you want to be friends and any acts of passive aggressiveness aren't appreciated, I'm sure he will get the picture.

You may be right... or not. It's difficult to tell when people are fooling around. The use of words: jerk, a-hole, SoB, (high maintenance, why not) could all be used in a friendly, teasing context (sometimes answered by friendly pokes, fake punches or "get out of here" etc.

Again, I'm not saying that was the case, just that it IS possible and it might be easier to just ask than jump to assumptions.

All in all, I wish the OP best of luck!

He also happened to call me full of myself when I mentioned that we were not right for each other. Was that too harsh?

Him saying that you were full of yourself, or you saying what you did? What was too harsh?