Marriage: he says "not ready", I don't get it..

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Six months seems too soon to get married. Maybe he just wants to wait longer and see how things go still between you two and some people just like to wait a few years before marriage. I certainly did not want to get married right away when I met my husband.


I have always wanted children. But I did not want them back then in my early twenties because I did not feel ready but yet I still wanted to have them someday. Reason why I did not want them now was because of financial reasons and my job. I did not know how I was going to have a kid and work full time and even afford childcare. Plus we had no room for a child. Plus before I met my husband I did not want any even though I did want them in the future was because I lived in a one bedroom home and I did not want my child to not not have a bedroom and my ex did not seem like he be a good father, I did not want to be a single parent and I didn't think I be able to afford childcare and work at the same time and be a parent. I did not think I be able to afford to live elsewhere so a child was out of the question.


I hope this makes sense. You just have to accept the fact your boyfriend does not want to get married right now. You won't always be able to get a logical answer because people aren't always able to explain it no matter how hard they try.

I guess dictionaries don't always tell you the truth.

Thanks for the replies. I think the analogy that helped me the most is about wanting children- because that's something I do understand. I definitely want kids- but as I'm still in college and my partner has an extremely stressful (but not particularly well-paying) job, I can't see that working out too well right now. This is another thing my boyfriend and I have talked about- we've decided that we would welcome an accidental pregnancy, but we don't want to start trying until I've finished at least my bachelor's degrees and he has a better job.. Those are clear reasons that I totally understand, which makes that a little easier than the nebulous "I'm not ready to get married"- BUT, the comparison is sound and it makes sense to me.

I do understand that marriage is really big deal. It's a legally-binding contract, it's forever, and all that jazz. I know. That's kind of the point. I've loved my boyfriend since before we started dating, in fact that's WHY we started dating. Obviously the back story is a little complicated, but my point is that despite only being officially "in a relationship" for 6 months, we've been on this path for years. By the time we decided to get together, we already knew what we have.

All that being said, I feel like I should address my emotional state briefly. I've been having some hormone issues lately, and I've been feeling like I have PMS on steroids. I do tend to feel my emotions intensely, but I'm usually able to self-regulate pretty successfully. Lately, I've been extremely fragile, and honestly it's a little embarrassing, lol..

Anyway, thanks again for your responses, I appreciate it

Weddings are also expensive, they can be if you want them to be. And there is so much planning to do and it's stressful for lot of people so that is why they have wedding planners, people who do it for them. But you can just go to the court or elope and get married without inviting anyone or having a party and inviting over people and buying a cake and doing catering. I don't know how you two want to do the wedding or how you want it. I wanted a cheap one and not make it be a big deal but my husband wanted his whole family there and I decided I wanted my parents there too and it turned big. Plus he wanted a wedding cake than a store bought cake and so on. As a woman, you can't always decide how you want the wedding because your guy may want it to be better or be fancier or even want a real wedding cake or a tuxedo and not do a cheap one where you elope or go to court and do it.

you seem too clingy.
Give him space and see how it works out... don't keep throwing this subject at every little chance, it's really annoying.

Not being ready could mean he needs time to accomodate the idea. I think 6 months is way too little, despite you knowing him before... it's different.

Summary: keep cool, enjoy.

Hope you work it out.

I don't bring this up at every chance- the reason I'm asking a bunch of strangers to help me clarify is that I don't want to pester HIM about it. We've had two conversations about marriage, and the rest of the time, I'm silently torturing myself with worries and confusion, lol. Obviously I realize that this is unhealthy, that's why I'm looking for support.

Most of my married friends dated for at least a year before getting engaged. I think that 6 months is a bit too early. One couple I know has been dating for 4 years and they aren't even engaged.

Relax, have fun, and enjoy life.

I am not nagging!