Aspie women and wanting children

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This is exactly me, I find this whole thread so interesting. I used to ask my mom why other children acted the way they did, and she was always just really confused, and she'd tell me that it was because they were children.

I'm hitting twenty four in a few weeks and my "biological clock" definitely hasn't started ticking the way older women always told me it would when I was a bit younger and said I didn't want children. There isn't a single aspect of children that I can tolerate though, I can't even be around them without massive anxiety. I hate infants, toddlers, their inability to communicate, their lack of understanding of logic and reason once they can start to communicate, the crying, their tiny little voices, it's all just like a cheese grater on my brain. People seem to react really strongly when a woman says she doesn't want children, as if it's weird and unnatural, and I'll surely grow out of it some day, which I always find hurtful. I think it must be how gay teens feel when they try to come out and they're told it's just a phase. This is just who I am, and I'm not going to change how I feel right down in the core of me because society thinks I need to make gross babies.

I saw a lot of comments higher up too about not liking dolls or anything. I used to have loads of dolls and My Little Ponies, but I couldn't for the life of me figure out what to do with them. Like, I'm supposed to move them around, and do voices for them? That's stupid, why would I do that, am I right? I liked activities like arts and crafts though, or reading. I started using the computer when I was only about two as well. I think it's really cool that I'm not the only one, if only we could have hung out as kids and started a sweet high society club and had decaf tea and digestive cookies and looked down our noses on how childish the other children were :P

That's sweet!

The whole not feeling like a child was me also. But specifically others my age were test subjects to which I observed. I got along better with adults. It was easy to tell how they wanted you to behave (it took longer to figure out doctors though) sometimes easy to tell them what they want to hear from you. But kids man, they will wine when a sibling teases them but always stick up for eachother, even if you're trying to stick up for the sibling being teased. (perhaps in a way others don't understand but still.)


But I've always wanted to have kids. Even after I learned that having a bunch of them to do all the housework isn't worth it.
Probably due to a certain incident, there was a point where I wanted a baby so badly, I would be secretly disappointed with negative results. (I've always made sure to be safe, but there is always that one percent chance.) I got over it.
I'm really against overpopulation and all that, so I only planned on having a kid if my husband had a significant amount of native blood in him. I found a guy like that who I really love, but knowing that aspergers is most likely hereditary, and that they will also defintintly have OCD and ADHD... I don't wish that on another child.
So adoption is my only option.

Please consider the environment and the parent-less children in foster care before you impregnate/become pregnant.

I think I wanted kids because I was "told" it was the thing to do. I had four. They all hate me now but they're good people, none in jail, all employed, two with college degrees. But, they hate me and it hurts so deeply. I became chronically ill just as the last two were born and they've never forgiven me. They claim I'm mentally ill and abused them. I didn't. I was strict and made them clean their rooms and took away their phones and video games when they didn't. They were taught by my ex to hate me for those things. He would undermine me by buying them more phones and video games behind my back and encouraging them to lie. Sometimes I'm amazed that they all turned out so well, other than forsaking their own mother.

If I had the chance, I wouldn't go back. I truly love my kids and enjoyed raising them up to when they all turned against me. I think, though, if I had it to do over again, I might just have one or two kids - even all four, and not a husband.

If I were a girl, I would have marked yes. But I'm a guy, and I can only provide the seed. I obviously want kids, have dreamed of being a dad as long as I remember (yes, the one that wants to be so involved in his kids lives they find it annoying). I've had it different as not only have I had one mom but two dads (thanks to my stepdad). Maybe it's the conservative side of my liberalism. I have been to school board meetings, have judged speech and debate meetings, etc. Coming from a part of New York where now like one fifth of my graduating class now has kids isn't helping either, and I graduated high school four years ago! In general, the idea of waking up on a Saturday morning and taking my offspring to little league and the like sounds nice. And I'm willing to give up a little bit of what little sanity I have for a few years to accomplish this.

DogsWithoutHorses, I singled you out because you're also from New York and your response to this was quite clever!

I'll tell you, wanting and having are two different things. Having and raising kids can be so rewarding and fun. It's a chance to extend childhood if you think of it. Lots of play and happy moments. But then there's the total responsibility and all the work and hardship. And you know how parents are saying their kids don't appreciate them? They say it because it's true. You are truly a slave to these little Napoleons. Parents aren't perceived as real people until the child is well into advanced adult-hood. Children are extremely self-centered when it comes to their parents. Still gotta love 'em.

Personally, I think an aspie parent will probably be more conscientious about the whole thing. As humans, we tend to focus on what we think is most important (just maybe a little more than the NT's), and as parents, we deeply love our children as extensions of ourselves. Just keep in mind that all of the regular problems you run into in life are the same with parenthood, just in greater quantity. When you have kids, you're forced to take part in the NT world on a much greater scale than you're used to sans kids. There are doctors and dentists, then school... ugh! School officials are the WORST. (I homeschooled mine much of the time) ...other kids, their parents, then your kid will have interests like sports and civic groups like girl or boy scouts - that's if your kid isn't aspie, too. If it's aspie, you'll have all the aspie entourage-ness to deal with.

Just sayin. Think about it.

And only four years out of high school is not too late for having babies. WAIT! Seriously... Think about it and take time to grow up before saddling yourself with such an enormous responsibility. Life doesn't get good until you're 30. Just wait 'til it's really good. Your chances of a happy ending will greatly increase if you're better prepared.

I've always wanted children, even when I was one.
It's the one thing in life I've always been sure of.
I was devastated when, for a while, my health took a turn for the worse and there was some question as to whether my fertility would be lost.

There's no way I would want one right this moment, definitely in a few years. The only reason that I want kids before I'm 30 is because I want my grandkids to know their great grandparents.

Kids? Me? HELL TO THE NO!! !! Who the f**k said that all women must procreate?

And who decided you have to have more than one? I like your attitude but it's not just societal. It's all built in with the hormones; powerful stuff.

If you don't feel like it, lucky you. I'm sure if more women were able to think rationally about it, there would be fewer people.

Interesting, this thread has come back up again. It must have been hidden away for ages.

Last edited by SabreToothBadger on 21 Aug 2012, 11:07 am, edited 1 time in total.

My logic takes over my hormones and tell them to never have kids. Why some of you may ask?

A) Women are on their own raising kids...where the hell are the fathers? Probably drinking themselves stupid, getting high, being selfish, ungrateful, watching sports, and worse...cheating! Fathers are very rare.
B) Children are annoying, bratty, spoiled, and also selfish like men.
C) Children, men, and husbands take away your dreams and ambitions for life. It's their way of saying, "F**k what you want! What about me, b***h? Your only job is to take care of me!"
D) They empty out your bank account.
E) Pregnancy is glamorized in the upmost idiotic way: teenagers have sex without giving any regard to the consequences it leads, or just to keep a man in their lives.

I only give praise to intelligent and mature women who are lucky to have their jobs and the men who support them through thick and thin to bring children to the world.

Take care of a man? Perhaps the answer to this is to live in a different place from a partner. I couldn't live with anyone else for long periods of time - that's for sure. As for children, yes, for most of the reasons you state - I wouldn't take that risk. I would feel awful if I had kids with someone and they didn't take responsibility.

Nope, we brought it back from the dead.

I just wondered why - it's relatively old.

Last edited by SabreToothBadger on 21 Aug 2012, 11:06 am, edited 1 time in total.