How to deal with unwanted attention?

Page 8 of 13 [ 184 posts ] Go to page Previous 1 ... 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11 ... 13 Next

Previous topic | Next topic

ValentineWiggin
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 15 May 2011
Age:27
Posts: 4,921
Location: Beneath my cat's paw

14 Oct 2012, 3:45 am

BlueMax wrote:

^^^ I hear stories about this from time to time bit it sounds so... surreal - like things couldn't possibly be that bad. OTOH, I've been bullied by other men almost as badly... they just didn't want sex, they wanted to make themselves feel all powerful.

Before I go any further I want to make it known that I appreciate you sharing more details - it makes your strong opinions make more sense. I'm sorry you've gone through what you have.

With that out of the way, I want to let you know how much it SUCKS to be treated with the same negative response, merely because I share the same gender as the monsters who've attacked you. Firing the verbal shotgun at every man who approaches may seem logical when at least one or two every day is a genuine sleazebag, but don't you gals care at all about the innocent, harmless and friendly ones who've just been shot?

Do these friendly men not respond to a simple, "no thanks"? If not, then maybe they deserve the lashing some of the gals in this thread are proposing.
It's not misogyny to be offended if you bite our face off just by attempting to be friendly...

Now if this whole thread was about how to get rid of assholes who DON'T respond to a polite "no" - then I'd like to apologize for derailing. Everything I've had to say was in regard to the NON-predators getting caught in the crossfire.

You know nothing about basic psychology if you think Sesame Street-esque notions of fairness register in the human brain before fight-or-flight responses due to years of conditioning.

It's not women's job to get to know every dude who hits on them to discern whether their intention is good or bad-
as has already been mentioned, random strangers approaching you in a sexual/romantic way is by definition bad or at the very least considered crude to some people.

_________________
"Such is the Frailty
of the human Heart, that very few Men, who have no Property, have any Judgment of their own.
They talk and vote as they are directed by Some Man of Property, who has attached their Minds
to his Interest."

Last edited by ValentineWiggin on 14 Oct 2012, 3:49 am, edited 1 time in total.

BlueMax
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 27 Aug 2007
Age:41
Posts: 5,284

14 Oct 2012, 3:48 am

^^^ Well, then just tell every man who dares come near to, "**** off" and see how the world at large reacts to it. I'll wager things will get worse, not better.

ValentineWiggin
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 15 May 2011
Age:27
Posts: 4,921
Location: Beneath my cat's paw

14 Oct 2012, 3:52 am

BlueMax wrote:

^^^ Well, then just tell every man who dares come near to, "**** off" and see how the world at large reacts to it. I'll wager things will get worse, not better.

I've done that the past few times I felt uneasy/threatened by strange men leering at me or commenting on my body, and it worked like a charm.

Evy7
Sea Gull

Joined: 20 Apr 2012
Age:24
Posts: 244

14 Oct 2012, 4:26 am

I usually ignore perverts even if they get angry if they try to get closer, I'd run away. I haven't gotten one yet, but I think women should always carry pepper spray with them just in case. In my area, the men are very scary and dangerous. Many times I have come home barely getting away from a creepy man. Luckily my walk from college is just 10 minutes, but in 10 minutes, men can stalk and it's gross. Though, if an honest man who wasn't stalking or being perverted asked for my attnetion, I would be kind and gentle and let him down since I am not single. BNut usually, women can tell which guys are pervs and which are friendly. But I suggest the OP to move away from pervs to a larger group of people, carry pepper spray, and ignore. If that doesn't work, then I'd take out the pepper spray. I would be too scared to lash at a creep due to his reation may be violent.

spongy
Forum Moderator

Joined: 17 Jul 2010
Age:24
Posts: 8,180
Location: Patiently waiting for the seventh wave

14 Oct 2012, 4:34 am

Lets get something straight people of both genders react badly to unwanted attention:

You can see this by watching how some people of both genders tell you to piss off when you try to approach them in a friendly manner at a young age or how most people tell strangers that approach you trying to sell something/join a certain phone company the same thing.

Asking someone from the opposite sex in a manner thats similar to what this phone callers do(you dont know them at all...) and expecting a different result makes no sense to me.

lalalalalala
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 2 Oct 2012
Age:38
Posts: 3

14 Oct 2012, 5:19 am

I trialled wearing rings that could pass for an engagement ring and a wedding band on my ring finger and it worked like a charm. It was like I had hosed myself down with Ass*ole Repellant. It also had a bonus effect of people being nicer to me - especially shop assistants for some reason.

I now wear the rings full-time.

spongy
Forum Moderator

Joined: 17 Jul 2010
Age:24
Posts: 8,180
Location: Patiently waiting for the seventh wave

14 Oct 2012, 5:34 am

lalalalalala wrote:

We were just discussing the need to avoid using a pejorative word thats only suitable to one gender to refer to anyone on that gender to make this section more gender friendly.
Id encourage you to follow the same advice

Tequila
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 25 Feb 2006
Age:27
Posts: 29,227
Location: Lancashire, UK

14 Oct 2012, 5:37 am

ValentineWiggin wrote:

I've done that the past few times I felt uneasy/threatened by strange men leering at me or commenting on my body, and it worked like a charm.

Be careful with that - say it to the wrong sort of man at the wrong time (I'm not on about your average "leering creep" but someone extremely dangerous) and it could really end badly. Most men will leave you alone, but a minority might just kick your head in.

Tequila
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 25 Feb 2006
Age:27
Posts: 29,227
Location: Lancashire, UK

14 Oct 2012, 5:46 am

Evy7 wrote:

I usually ignore perverts even if they get angry if they try to get closer, I'd run away. I haven't gotten one yet, but I think women should always carry pepper spray with them just in case.

Pepper spray is illegal for private citizens in most of the Northern European countries and in most of Australia and New Zealand.

balletnerd
Snowy Owl

Joined: 28 Jan 2012
Age:39
Posts: 172

14 Oct 2012, 6:29 am

hairspray is pretty good. got me out of some tough situations.

blue_bean
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 13 Apr 2006
Posts: 9,952
Location: Behind the wheel

14 Oct 2012, 8:46 am

Quote:

With that out of the way, I want to let you know how much it SUCKS to be treated with the same negative response, merely because I share the same gender as the monsters who've attacked you. Firing the verbal shotgun at every man who approaches may seem logical when at least one or two every day is a genuine sleazebag, but don't you gals care at all about the innocent, harmless and friendly ones who've just been shot?

Do these friendly men not respond to a simple, "no thanks"? If not, then maybe they deserve the lashing some of the gals in this thread are proposing.
It's not misogyny to be offended if you bite our face off just by attempting to be friendly...

I wouldn't care about the harmless friendly guys as my care for my personal safety would come first. When you've been through something like meems has been through every guy you see in your daily life seems threatening. The good ones, the bad ones, the random ones. Even I'm sensitive to things like this due to being sexually harrassed in school years ago. Thankfully it's a rare occurrence.

It sucks to be painted with the same brush as the sleezes, but it sucks even more to be the victim of theirs in the first place. I don't think it's cool coming into a thread like this, with attention to meem's recent experience, and making it all about the indirectly downtrodden innocent men.

PastFixations
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 21 Sep 2011
Age:24
Posts: 2,735

14 Oct 2012, 9:19 am

In actuality, you just have to think anyone can potentially be a jerk in this world. Even I can accept that I can be a jerk.
It may not be true but you can't say or think everyone is a nice person and sugarcoating everyone as people of both genders can be corrupt.
I'm not saying that anyone here is corrupt, only that there are people who are corrupt in this world.

Like I said, thinking that way is better than looking at everyone with rose-tinted glasses.

_________________
www.wrongplanet.net/postp5013377.html&h ... t=#5013377

Sora: "My friends are my power."

Ventus: "I'm asking you as a friend. Just... put an end to me."

JanuaryMan
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 1 Jan 2012
Age:30
Posts: 3,465

14 Oct 2012, 9:21 am

Sorry, Max, but I have to agree with the above post. When here it is better to think of the OP's position and negative experiences rather than applying an opinion based on one's own negative personal experiences.

Vigilans
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 19 Jun 2008
Age:27
Posts: 12,327
Location: Montréal

14 Oct 2012, 9:52 am

meems love, I'm sorry to say you came to the wrong place for advice :lol: nothing useful can be learned from L&D

_________________
Opportunities multiply as they are seized. -Sun Tzu
Nature creates few men brave, industry and training makes many -Machiavelli
You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do

meems
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 1 Dec 2010
Age:28
Posts: 2,093

14 Oct 2012, 1:17 pm

I'm beginning to accept that

_________________
http://www.facebook.com/eidetic.onus
http://eidetic-onus.tumblr.com/
Warning, my tumblr is a man-free zone

Page 8 of 13 [ 184 posts ] Go to page Previous 1 ... 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11 ... 13 Next

Jump to:

How to deal with unwanted attention? Post Reply New Topic

How to deal with unwanted attention?