Bypassing the height factor (short men must read)

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PS: all thread was typed on iphone - sorry for any typos below.


Since there are height threads lately so I am following the trend.

Here is something weird I' ve noticed out of my -limited- experience but frequent enough to make a conclusion.

As you all know the famous -almost true- generelization that women prefer men taller than them, and as most of you here know already that I have been having a steady sucess in getting dates through dating websites.

The odd thing is: all women i went out through dating websites were taller than me (or same height but taller with heels). :-/ I am just 163 cm (5'3 for the complicated americans).

It never happened through real life since the taller girls I approach would reject me - for many times taking the height as excuse.

The common thing happened through the pre-meeting online communication that all of them didn't read my height info on my profile (but it's there, so ladies of wp who complaint about how guys don't read dating profiles properly: most girls are as bad as guys when it comes to this) but I always make them know indirectly through a joke that would lead them to ask me about my height (without giving the impression as a compex thing) just to make sure and to avoid embarrassment upon meeting - learned it in the hard way.

Sometimes they find it out later by rechecking my profile. Either way, their reaction would be like "are you really 163cm?? You look taller in pics!" - then they would say it doesn't matter and fo out with me anyway, usually as their first shorter-than-them guy in their life.

Some dates suceeded, some didn't, but none was due to the height factor.

So why this difference between those I meet offline and those I meet online?
My theory goes like this:

Women in general like to feel feminine near a masculine man and the first impression they have about a shorter man is negative in that regard.
"Weak", "not masculine", "napoleon complex", "a boy", "can't protect", "little brother", "small dick" are probably the most common ideas that cross subciously the female mind upon seeing a man shorter/smaller than her. I heard/read all those expressions from women regarding the shorter men in different occasions which make me conclude they're common mainstream feelings, which lead to automatic rejection.

Women are as visual as men, the "women are less visual" is a myth promoted by women to appear less shallow and by stupid delusional men.

However, in my online dating experience, I've always seemed to override these bad thoughts about the shorter men, inflicting a totally different first impression that obilirate those negative thoughts. Maybe because they often realize I am shorter than them much later (like days)- after getting to know me well enough through online communication.


Very weird and mind-blowing.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 18 Oct 2012, 4:01 am, edited 5 times in total.

Move to Asia

I am not mind blown. As a tall woman, I am simply on the the other face of the same coin. Your experience and rationalization as to why it may be so, make complete sense to be.

But, Boo, your new avatar is.............well, it makes me smile.

I think that probably has a lot to do with it. When looking for a date online, physical appearance becomes less salient than when meeting people face-to-face, so the "personality" that comes through in the text is more readily available. A woman might feel a bit unsure about someone's appearance, but still read their profile in the comfort of their loungeroom (rather than actually going up and speaking to him) and can then be persuaded that he seems to have a great personality so he is worth getting to know.

I can't relate though, I'm actually the opposite. I prefer a taller partner whether male or female, and I definitely check their height on their profile before deciding whether to contact/respond to them, whereas in the real world I'm actually less likely to notice!

Humans are so first impression driven. If you give a bad first impression (whether by character or looks) then it would be so HARD to change it afterward. It just sticks in their head.

It seens that short men are walking bad first impression machines, for most women who are taller than them.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 16 Oct 2012, 1:12 am, edited 2 times in total.

But those are the same women you called shallow earlier because they came to me after putting a shirtless pic *rolling eyes*.

First impression was due to physical appearance after all (the pics) minus the height factor that can't be seen in the pics

I don't think I've ever called anyone shallow, but yeah I guess those are the same women you mentioned in other threads...what's the problem? They read your profile, found out later that you are shorter than they would like but they had already decided they wanted to get to know you. Or the other option, now that you have reminded me that you have a shirtless pic up, is that they contacted/responded to you because of your pic, didn't read your profile, found out later than you are shorter than they would like but they had already decided they wanted to get to know you. Physical appearance does become more salient online when you post "look at me" pics, lol.

What I meant by "less salient" is that you can't see everything in the pics - height, all the different angles, how you look in 3D, how you look in motion etc., so you can't be judged as fully, and women might be more likely to read on, as they can't be so sure of your looks as you can in the real world.

Last edited by yellowtamarin on 16 Oct 2012, 1:57 am, edited 1 time in total.

Nonsense. I've dated girls half a foot taller than me. The height thing might play a factor but other factors are more important.

I have dated a man 10 inches shorter then me in the past. I don't care about a guy's height. It is other people who make an issue of it.

I get lots of comments because my boyfriend is the same height too. I even sometimes wear heels. I don't give a frig about my height. I am taller then most people anyway.

A lot of women are of those other people too.

I like being exactly 5'11. It's not super-tall, but tall enough that I'm at least slightly above the height of most women. I'm sure most prefer a slightly taller guy as not to look awkward with them.

Your point?

It feels a bit weird to hug my bf, who is 5'4 to my 5'6. I have to hold my arms in a similar way that I hug my little sister. I am ok w/ it, it's not a big deal.

I didn't know my bf was short before I met him either. On OKC, the height info is off to the side and easy to overlook. As far as ppl not reading profiles, I intentionally ignore a profile of someone who sends me a really good message. I don't want anything on there to ruin a potential connection. I look at it a bit later after I start to like or not like them. People tend to be too picky when looking at person as a list of characteristics. I even notice myself starting to do that, so that is my way of avoiding that.

It is possible, sure. It's not easy. And, it takes a special woman to be open to it.

That's a great idea!