Female single perspective

Post Reply New Topic

It goes both ways though - some women seem to assume that every guy who asks them out is only after sex and not a relationship (this hasn't happened to me, just having read what has happened to others) and that's not a helpful attitude either.

EXACTLY.
Oh, by the way, Kjas, had posted a reply but it got deleted without authorization. No point trying with one arm clearly strung up firmly behind me. Funny how that happened by random chance...or some other users

Political Correctness. Call a spade a spade and a troll a troll. Insulted? That's how I felt when I first read the OP...

Yes! This is exactly how I feel; I'd rather have a relationship than sex, and I'm a man. It goes both ways though - some women seem to assume that every guy who asks them out is only after sex and not a relationship (this hasn't happened to me, just having read what has happened to others) and that's not a helpful attitude either.

Political Correctness. Call a spade a spade and a troll a troll. Insulted? That's how I felt when I first read the OP...

Thankyou for you reply. I have tried giving people a chance though; I don't reject them outright. I think that's my problem - I don't seem capable of the relationships/feelings that come naturally to other people (and hence my diagnosis and why I'm here - I'm sure it's got to be related to that). Also, sometimes I do feel attraction to people and love people, whether as friends or potentially something more, but those people never seem interested in me. Even if I can get an aquaintance going, it never becomes meaningful. It's like the workings of being close to another human are beyond my capabilities and understanding. And that goes for friendships and other types of relationships too. It's the lack of a long-term, meaningful bond that is depressing.

Like I said, I don't get asked out very often at all. Some of the comments in this thread seem to make generalisations in which women get to do lots of rejecting. Maybe pretty, healthy girls are constantly rejecting men. I have a physical disability (which, though it doesn't stop many people forming relationships, does make things more complicated for me: for one thing being sick all the time makes it really hard to be a fun, energetic person - meeting people can be exhausting and you have to be dealing with problems thrown at you by your physical body when you're trying to concentrate on your social skills). And I have the social problems of Asperger's. I don't want to sound like I'm making excuses, but getting asked out a lot is really not something I've experienced! It's been very occasional. I get that even once is more than some people, but I'm not exactly inundated with offers.

I'm not against being hit on for sex: if you go to certain places, it's expected. In fact in some ways there's something more honest about it when a guy just wants a one-night stand - if he makes it clear he's not asking for anything more, and he's not claiming you're particularly special, at least both sides understand what he's asking for. As long as he accepts if you say no, that's fine. It's more honest than a guy who claims to want a girl to be his long term partner - which should be saying he's chosen her over others, and is asking for a lot of her dedication and her feelings - when really all he wants is to boost his own social status by getting any girl to go out with him. But getting hit on doesn't take the edge of the lack of a meaningful relationship, which is a seperate problem.

Thank you to everyone who's defended me in this thread. I can only say I'm genuine and I never intended my post to upset anyone. I was simply saying there's an issue I'm suffering from that I haven't seen aired on this forum much at all. Not denying other people have their own problems - just saying that the issues I've tried to express here are problems too and wanting to hear from people who felt the same way.

Some girls want casual sex, just as some men want long term relationships. Otherwise neither (in the heterosexual context) would exist. But it makes it that much harder to find a partner as you have to find someone who wants the same type of relationship as you do. And, for me at least, it's been hard learning read what people were looking for.

But popular opinion tells us men generally prioritise sex more than women, which in theory should mean the men who mostly want a relationship, or sex only in the context of a stable relationship, an extra reason for women to appreciate them.



I'm not sure what I said to give you that impression, but you've misunderstood and I'd appreciate if you'd stop saying it. My post did not insult anyone; it expressed feelings that perhaps you can't relate to. I would hope people would as default be respectful. It's not expecting special treatment to hope not to be insulted.

fact of the matter is, the majority of men AND women want BOTH relationships, and sex. Men in a lot of cases can't get either while women can at minimum get sex

no sex is better than bad sex
way better like it's not even close
sex isn't a need, it's a want

the exact same number of straight men and straight women are in relationships
since straight women like to be in relationships with men clearly they aren't discriminating against them in favor of other genders in the dating market because that would make no sense...for real what are you smoking

the bawws about this are ridiculous

no sex is better than bad sex
way better like it's not even close
sex isn't a need, it's a want

the exact same number of straight men and straight women are in relationships
since straight women like to be in relationships with men clearly they aren't discriminating against them in favor of other genders in the dating market because that would make no sense...for real what are you smoking

the bawws about this are ridiculous

Exactly. Most men do not have so much trouble finding sex or relationships. The primary problem for anyone who can't is not their gender.

And if you want a meaningful relationship, want to love someone and be loved, want to belong with someone, and don't have that, remembering that one time some drunk stranger hit on you is just not a consolation. It just doesn't even compare. Wanting a happy relationship is something that, for many many people, every instinct and social expectation compels them towards. I don't see why that is so hard to understand. It's not offensive to feel this way.

no sex is better than bad sex
way better like it's not even close
sex isn't a need, it's a want