Does effort even matter

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I swear, the more parties I go to, the more I seem to be able to call who goes home alone and who gets some based on just 5 minutes of looking around at guys present. I don't need to scope their personality or any s**t like that, it's just "he looks good" or not and that's all you need to call it, and it never fails. So what can I even do, I wasn't born with a face like that, no matte what i do I won't look like that. I don't know why i'm typing this out, maybe it's just a rant because I feel powerless. /endrant I guess, I just don't know what to do anymore. If only it was top 10% girls going with top 10% guys then it would work out, but these top 10% guys just take everything available at any particular event leaving nobody interested in anything behind.(aka. girls in relationships and girls not looking for anything). In short, what do I do. Not like I can change my face >.<

No, effort doesn't matter. Take it from me, kid.

I don't really know what you can do but I find it always happens the same way you mentioned in your post. Yet people here wanna deny that for some reason.

That...doesn't add up. Do you go to events where males outnumber females tenfold? Because if the numbers are even, the males must be taking home a handful of females each, if there aren't many females left, i.e. the top 10% of guys are taking the top 90% of girls?

Don't stress. There will be someone out there who likes your face, and likes you too.

Go and look at the evidence. Go down the High Street and watch the couples go by. There are "ugly" men with gorgeous women, "ugly" women with gorgeous men, and all combinations inbetween.

And think of all the top sex symbols - for every man who fancies her, there will be another who can't see what all the fuss is about. (Example - women go mad over Brad Pitt & George Clooney, I've never found either of them attractive.)

It might help if you get a haircut you like that suits you and you dress up a bit, not for women but to increase your confidence, so you go into that room feeling like you are the best you can be. That might give you the boost you need to chat to more girls. Hey, you're going out and going to parties, that's the first hurdle crossed!

You will get more rejections than offers, that's life and it does hurt a bit at the time, but it's a numbers game. You aren't afraid to get out there and be seen, so keep going. You sound like you are on the right track.

Effort matters more than intent, and results matter more than effort.

I am not having any bad luck recently myself. Sure I had a split from someone after a couple months of seeing them, but almost a week later I get invited out to an event at a friend's place, and me and one person immediately found eachother attractive and spent the night together. And I was not in the best mood at first, but I faked a smile early and eventually worked myself up into a good mood. Maybe if you didn't think about these kind of things and just enjoy yourself at the parties, then things would work out fine for you regardless of circumstances.

Wish I could believe this. Go look at my pic in the members only section THEN say this lol.

Although I must admit, out of all the positive members on here, you don't get on my nerves at all like some of the others. I feel like I can believe what you say, even if you aren't talking to me.

what successful people all have in common, is that NONE of them have to work very hard at what they are successful at- they are prone to saying, "if you're aware of having to strain at something, you're just working too hard." IOW it shouldn't ever be a slog, it should just come naturally, like falling off a log. that is the way of all talent. at least that is what one successful person [a rich relation] said to me one time. IOW if it was meant to be, it will happen. and if something was not meant to be [IOW one has no earthly talent], then the harder you work at it the further behind you will be.

I agree with AuntBlabby. In saying that, I don't mean I am successful; but int terms of attracting people, I don't see that as a problem. As for attracting, and keeping a healthy, on par with feelings relationship....well...thats a different story. I seem to become so afraid of losing the person I am with, I tend to do all those things I instinctively know I shouldn't do. Which consequently, makes me hate myself for not having any control over what I do. I blame it on dopamine. It's chemical, and that's my excuse.

^^^
there are relatively few people worth getting sad over when they lose their loyalty.

If one looks at just numbers of sexual partners, rather than romantic partners, it seems to actually be true in the long run (though it doesn't seem likely at any given event). At least, from what I've seen.

This is probably gonna come off as me trying to be controversial, so I wanna make clear that I realize that this is only what I personally have seen, and may only apply to the social circles that I personally have drifted in and out of (but, from what I've heard from others, I'm not the only one who's noticed this trend). Also wanna make clear that pointing out trends I've noticed does not mean that I am making value judgements on them.

The idea that, at any given event, a few guys are taking home all the girls doesn't really happen in real life. It's true that, at a party, for instance, for every 1 guy that doesn't go home alone, there is exactly 1 girl who doesn't (okay, maybe not every time, but people getting multiple partners at once is definitely the exception).

However, when watching the sexual dynamics of social circles (defining social circle as a loosely associated group, some being closer to each other than others, but all knowing each other) over time, I've noticed that there is a tendency for for certain males to have had sexual experiences with a larger number of the females than most of the males have.

That is, there will be a relatively small number of the men who've slept with a large number of the women. And, if one were to make lists of who they'd been with, each list would mostly have different women on it. And there is a relatively large number of the women who've slept with a small number of the men. Only, if one were to make lists of who they'd been with, the same names would pop up over and over again.

I'm not denying that there are some women who sleep with many, or few, men. Nor am I denying that there are some men who've slept with a medium number of women. But it does seem, from what I've obeserved, that more women have an "average" number of partners and most men have relatively few, with a few men having quite a lot.

Gonna point out again that this only really applies to casual sex, rather than actual relationships. And that it only becomes noticeable in a group over time.

And will point out that many guys don't seem to understand how those few end up with as many as they do. Looks and money have little to with it. Lack of standards, a willingness to embarass himself trying, and obsession with quantity of experiences over quality have a whole lot to do with it.

Seems that both groups of guys do the same thing to themselves. Derive their sense of self-worth from the number of women they can get in the sack. And neither group realizes how they are (in different ways) damaging themselves (okay, a little bit of a value judgement there, but based on motive for desiring a large number of partners, not based on actual number of partners).

Most of the babe hound guys I know do put effort in
Preening and clothing is often important
As well as practised lines and techniques
Then there is the phoning and planning before hand
Gaining of information on dating status.........

heres a good tip!
somewhere at these parties will be an aspie girl on her own
and if not at these parties
then somewhere else
go make the effort
viola!
effort matters!! !

no female of any species lets a male mate with her until he makes a concerted effort
at least the first time anyhoos

Mate, I've just looked at your picture and I had to check the username was yours. You're a good looking fella! I'm not just saying that to be nice, it's true. In fact my housemate was looking over my shoulder and she said "wow, who's he? He's nice!" You've got a great hairdo, flawless skin, big eyes and a bone structure to kill for.

It seems like today I've been following you around the boards giving you compliments - people will be talking about us!

And you know, I'm definitely not positive all the time, I have real bad days/weeks/months. But I try to keep the poison to myself and not pour it on other people's threads, that's all. And I try to tell people what I've done that helped and not pretend to know stuff I don't... That's just how I am.

Effort does matter, Just a shame am oblivious to when it's working well. I had to be told by a girls friend that she was really into me. I was flirting away with her and she was loving it and returning it. I just thought it was harmless banter as she is way out of my league. Turns out the harmless no strings attatched flirting worked.

Try it, Just flirt with a girl offhanded. Don't fret or overthink it.

lol... That conjures up quite the mental image!