what are asperger men problem

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it goes back to the definition of issues. Issues are defined differently per gender. For a male the issues of aspergers are indeed faults, where as the issues associated with aspergers are merrily quirks sometimes even cute quirks for women. That is why aspie girls can stay in relationships. Also there are a lot of aspie guys who stay in relationships. we have a married couple in my group. Also since a higher proportion of aspie girls get into relationships than aspie guys i nthe first place it's impossible to see if as many aspie guys can MAINTAIN a relationship as aspie girls can since they are never given the chance in the first places. With that being said, hyperlaxian has a point about the real life aspie group females. The only girls i'd date from my group are the NT interns.

ocd source: http://ocd.about.com/od/livingwithoc1/a ... ic_OCD.htm

Im not saying that no asperger women ever struggle to get or keep a date or that every asperger men can't get a date but asperger women have alot higher odds of getting a date than asperger men.

I did link a study to ocd in this thread. well, this site does link to a asperger dating site and there are more men on that site than women, would that count as proof that asperger men have it harder or not? http://aspieaffection.com/

more link: http://www.autisticdating.net/
total woman: 86
total men: 295.

Your sources don't really prove your point. The OCD article you linked to discusses problems for both genders, and problems doesn't necessarily mean never having a partner, which is the problem you're talking about I think?

Your stats from the dating site may just mean more men have AS/autism, more men use online dating sites whereas women look for dates elsewhere, or that AS/autistic women don't want to date.

I'm not trying to get at you - you may be right that more men have this specific problem if they have AS - I just don't see much evidence for it in those sources. I think it's more likely that men and women generally have different problems with relationships, and different experiences. But I don't think there's enough known to say for definite that men with AS are more likely to struggle to find a relationship than women with AS.

Why do Aspie men have all sorts of problems? Have we not read the threads from new NT women on this site about the problems they have with their Aspie men?

I'll put it this way for you. The person I was seeing was not happy with me or so it seemed. I came to realize she was the source of her unhappiness because she liked to drink and sleep all weekend rather than get out there and enjoy the world. She was an extroverted NT and this time of the year is rough for her. On my part though, she hated the fact, and I repeat the word, HATED, that I was the type of person who thinks too much. She was not turned off by my intelligence, but really turned off by the fact that I would rather analyze someone else's actions rather than figure out how they feel at any given point. This is the primary source of what is wrong with Aspie men IMO. Our minds are all over the place and as a result, the problem lies with that. Not many women that I know of perceive us as weak unless we show some signs of desparation or depression.

no, it wouldn't prove anything except that aspie men are more likely to sign up to an autistic dating site than aspie women are. considering that more men than women are diagnosed with the disorder, that is a perfectly reasonable ratio on those dating sites. if 4 to 10 times more men than women are autistic, then 4 to 10 times more men than women should be on those dating sites. but it says absolutely nothing about how hard it would be for any individual male or female in the dating world.

you may want to think for a moment about threads like this one and the effect it has on the forum itself. we don't hear as much from the single female aspies in this area of the forum, even though such females do exist. they have sent me PMs explaining why they don't really post here, but i am pretty sure you could imagine it for yourself. thread after thread thread that tells them how easy it must be for them, that says all they have to do is exist in order to get a date. it's not exactly a welcoming environment. so if you are not noticing such females, perhaps you are drowning out their words and shutting them out with threads like this. maybe stop and listen.

What a sausage fest.

Haha... so is just about every other dating site from what I have heard. And from what I have observed, just about every meetup event I went to. The irony is I got lucky at a meetup event rather than on a dating site.

Yea, not just the aspie dating sites, even the sites that claim to have 1:1 gender ratios, they're lying - one of them is okcupid for instance, you would notice that the "Online now" male members are usually 3 to 4 times than active female members in most areas. Let alone the crappy dating sites that balance their ratio by adding fake profiles (which 99% of them claim to be female).

I can just speculate (from observation and logical thinking), that single women in general, are less likely need to use online dating means to enter the dating life, but I have no evidence for that.

now Im going to play lawyer here. Ok when you say these women who pm you are single, now are they single in way that some men here are.
in their 30's and have never ever been on date. or are they women who has been on dates before and maybe they just haven't found a man in two years or more. I know alot of women on this board that will say they have a hard time getting dates and only to find out they have a boyfriend or has been in at least two relationship before. and the women with boyfriend who post on these topic are kinda indirectly proven alot of us guys point that women can get date easier.

I just think it funny that the women who try to convince me and all the other guys that women do have hard time geting dates are women with boyfriends lol.
ok, maybe Im wrong. Maybe there are alot quiet single asperger women. but when so many women post about their boyfriend on topic on who's has harder time in dating men or women, really doesn't help these quite single asperger women case.

Billiscool, could you please clarify something for me, you've said these words on a few occasions and I still don't really understand:

You talk about women not being single as men are, and you seem to be using "single" to mean never having had any date, relationship etc.
So to you a woman who had a relationship which ended 5 years ago and she hasn't dated since, isn't single?
And a woman who has managed to have a few dates but has never had an actual relationship come from it, isn't single?

Anyone who isn't currently in a relationship is single AFAIC.

there are many women here who have never had a date, but you're drowning them out with your protestations that they don't exist. do you realise that every time you complain about them not existing and complain about them having it easier, you are denying their existence and are drowning out their experiences?

maybe get off the forum and join a real life aspie group to get a sense of what it's really like for aspie women. or listen instead of speaking. start threads that ask questions instead of telling us how it is for us, maybe. that would be a start.

that is a very good question. ok let go to the first one I call ''super'' single. Ok, this mean are people who never,ever been on a date.
from which i've read wrong planet seem to be almost men (not saying no women are)
now, you have people who have dated (me including) but has not found a date for 2 years or more, yes they are single.
and now for women who went out a few dates but the men just dump here like right away. I do consider that to be somewhat single.
btw since you metioned that. Before I start reading wp forum, I always thought that aspie women could get dates but because of their asperger it was hard for them to keep a relationship, meaning the men would be turn off by their aspie trait. but from what I read here.. It doesn't seem to be the case, alot of women here (at least the one's who post) seem to meet a man and they man just loves them and wants to stay with them.
( Im not saying every asperger women have this luck, just the one's I've read)

LOL this! seriously though, Bill, it might be worth finding a local Aspie group like Lex suggested to see how true or untrue your assumptions of the Aspie female really are. I can tell you the ones in my group will struggle to keep a relationship or get a guy they actually want as opposed to any regular guy that is the first to hit on them and it's not because they are all ugly (some of them are hot!) but because of how their Asperger's affects their outward communication and behavior. Sure us men aren't exactly picky when it comes to women but a lot of us definitely don't want to be with someone that embarrasses us socially or makes us look like we take advantage of mentally vulnerable women. While the women don't share all our problems, they have a lot of their own that makes love and dating difficult in its own way. Which leads me on to my next point in this discussion....

Another poster said the problem with Asperger men is that they think it's the women that have the problem and it does certainly seem to be the case in this forum, or to better phrase it they think women have the problem yet ironically when it comes to dating it's all "easy" and they have NONE! It tends to work like this: I) Aspie guy feeling sorry for himself ii) Questions why women don't want to go out with him iii) Validates themselves with the notion it's the women's fault thus making his situation perfectly acceptable in his mind iv) Let's this notion take hold absolute scaring off even more women than previously which leads to a repeat of the cycle. What this doesn't do is help the person figure out their OWN problems or change the fact that they have them, which of those problems are truly a result of their Asperger's and more importantly which of these problems they can either fix or learn to embrace.

Bill, you say you've been on a date, so that therefore makes you (or made you) dateable which is a good starting point. Why not think about what landed you the dates instead of subtly blaming any failure in the Dating game on your Asperger's? It's a self fulfilling prophecy with which yields no rewards for predicting with accuracy. Also, trying to rationalize Love and Dating with some Internet pages and scientific research won't change anything for you. Love and Dating are irrational beasts, and the actions you take are what's forming the barrier between you and those 2 things - not your Asperger's. The Asperger's might be fueling this behavior but it is not causing it. IMO That's a personal thing you need to work out and I believe this because I was once the same. You said you've been on a date so I'm sure once you figure out how to overcome some personal things you will be back on the scene once again.