Can aspies apologise sincerley post meltdown?

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Thank you for all your replies...Much appreciated.
At this point (now four days after the xmas day meltdown) he has still not contacted me aside from a sentence in an email that said, that he threw out the entire xmas meal and hes not yet ready to talk.
altho my friends up until now were all in favour of him for me...now they are not so enamored. i'm journaling some now to help me thru this. i would really like very much to talk to an aspie or a wife/partner of one to possibly help me sort this out. i hear that some replies contain the feeling that i should leave him. i love him (more so when hes not in meltdown mode). we do have a lot in common and we have a somewhat loving relationship when those times are going smoothly. when things are good we have an awesome connection. i love those times and am unsure whether im ready to give up on him yet.

Yeah having AS is no excuse for how he acted; he's still responsible for his own actions. It sounds to me like there's nothing you can do except wait for him to contact you and want to talk. At that point you need to have a long discussion with him about how to handle things differently, and make it clear that you won't tolerate what he did. If he doesn't sound like he cares to change then it might be best to cut him loose. I doubt any relationship is worth having to go through that.

Thx for that.
I wish there was a 'correct word' guide book telling us NT people what words to use and what words not to use....and how to phrase things to an aspie that really computes!

BlueMax...when you say 'spell it out in email'...what exactly should i spell out? what may get him talking to me again? I am afraid of 'crowding him' so i thought i should sit back and wait till he comes to me to talk....thusfar he has not spoken to me since xmas...this is the longest we havent communicated since we began seeing each other. on the 27th he wrote in an email he doesnt think he's ready to talk. should i wait? or should i re-contact ? and if i should re contact what concise message would compute?
i would love any advice...thx.

^^^ Only that this meltdown over his daughter ruined Christmas for you and his son, and he needs to repair the damage done before things get worse.

Boy, I sure hope he does... it's disappointing to see someone give up on their family like this... even if he did lose his daughter, there's no reason to destroy his wife & son too!

There's no "sure" method... you know him better than any of us. Have you figured out a way to communicate that works better than others?

I just imagine a short message would be more effective than a full page (or more!) which is overwhelming when in an emotional state...

Good luck to you! I hate, HATE seeing relationships end and yours still has hope!

I believe that aspies can do post meltdown. I usually dont realize what I am saying until after I see the person hurt. I replay the conversation in my head and then do i realize what I have just done.

I am trying to find a communication that works best ....text, verbal discussion, etc...and what words to use, and not to use..... any suggestions???

To those of you who have participated in this thread...Its now late January, me and my BF have spent time together post the Xmas disaster. All touch and go...as we are obviously both injured by the Xmas day disaster...Neither of us knows if we'll get thru it. Though if we do get thru it...we'll be able to get thru anything possibly.
He has had a couple (more minor) meltdowns since...last one when he was sick of driving, tired and hungry. I was on the receiving end once again and decided to handle it differently. Although I wanted to cry as its difficult to NOT taking his anger personally...i fought that feeling of personalizing it. Then I spoke in a monotone voice directing him to a restaurant (so he can eat, drink and stop driving). We got out of the car, I walked halfway in his direction, i directed him to come towards me. We met in the middle, hugged a warm, tight hug, and it was over. This hug (post meltdown) was different to other hugs. This is the third time this type of hug was given by him to me, post meltdown. It was an unusual, heartfelt, loving, and perhaps even an "i'm sorry" hug.
My monotone reply and the hug seemed to be the remedy to the meltdown.
Anyone else out there have this type of remedy with their Aspie partner? Or any other ideas I can try if this one ceases to work?

To those of you who have participated in this thread...Its now late January, me and my BF have spent time together post the Xmas disaster. All touch and go...as we are obviously both injured by the Xmas day disaster...Neither of us knows if we'll get thru it. Though if we do get thru it...we'll be able to get thru anything possibly.
He has had a couple (more minor) meltdowns since...last one when he was sick of driving, tired and hungry. I was on the receiving end once again and decided to handle it differently. Although I wanted to cry as its difficult to NOT taking his anger personally...i fought that feeling of personalizing it. Then I spoke in a monotone voice directing him to a restaurant (so he can eat, drink and stop driving). We got out of the car, I walked halfway in his direction, i directed him to come towards me. We met in the middle, hugged a warm, tight hug, and it was over. This hug (post meltdown) was different to other hugs. This is the third time this type of hug was given by him to me, post meltdown. It was an unusual, heartfelt, loving, and perhaps even an "i'm sorry" hug.
My monotone reply and the hug seemed to be the remedy to the meltdown.
Anyone else out there have this type of remedy with their Aspie partner? Or any other ideas I can try if this one ceases to work?

Sounds like he is now capable of taking responsibility over his actions. I hope for both of you that it keeps up.