Am I missing the point?

Post Reply New Topic

I was in the exact same boat, several years ago. He was only the second guy I'd ever "been with," and after nearly a year of being in (what I thought was) a relationship, he told me that I should "probably find someone else to sleep with."

I loved him, and was in love with him, and was devastated. I decided that I couldn't handle being "just friends" with him, because my feelings for him were very deep.

He flipped out. He proceeded to rant and rave to mutual acquaintances that I was deliberately causing drama, and that I was being "immature." Really? I perceived it as trying to heal my still-open wounds by not having contact with the person who was (seemingly) trying to rub salt in them. I was actually very nearly suicidal after the "breakup" (in quotes, because it turned out that he only viewed me as a f*ckbuddy all along, when I considered him my bf/partner. But I digress...), and should have sought counseling at the time.

In the end, it was all about him. He was a selfish narcissist, whose only concern was not losing his playpal and confidant - my shattered heart and emotional distress meant nothing to him.

I understand all of this *now*, because it's been the m.o. of almost every guy I've known since. Thank f*ck for licensed psychologists, the ensuing years, and learning the hard way. Now, if only I knew what it is about me that always attracts sociopaths!

You are most likely right Nessa.

It could be a plot.

Why do people have to be so devious?

Because humans are all about their selfish agendas; most of them don't have the balls to admit to them, though, unfortunately.

Sorry you had to go through all that SINsister

How long ago was it?

Did you ever talk again?

I would just stop contacting him and let him say what he wants about you. I think you'll see what he's really like then. As I know nothing about your ex I'll leave it at that.

I would guess that "I have no feelings for you" wasn't meant literally, and actually meant "I have no romantic feelings for you".

Thanks - and I'm sorry that you're dealing with the same!

It was nearly 10 years ago.

I went for almost 2 years without so much as speaking to the jerk in question; I went so far as to avoid hanging out anywhere that he might be in attendance, which severely curbed my "social life" for quite awhile.

I finally got over the situation when I *did* "find someone else to sleep with" (:oops:), but I never had more than superficial interactions with him afterward. I tend to "lose" people over the years, anyway, so he's become irrelevant, like most of the rest of them.

Very good points everyone. Thanks. It helps to talk things out with others here. Different viewpoints, perspectives, it's all rather interesting.

Forties is evidently a tricky age set to be in as far as finding decent men is concerned

What the hell will 50's be like!

I never thought about it like that Nessa! Holy cow.

Gulp...

Eh, owing to genetics, I may not even be around by then to find out. If I am still around in old age, though, I'll be the gutter-minded punk-rock wench who's still eyeing the 20-something dudes, hahaha!

Lol

I aim for 30's or above - 20's is far too immature/no cultural references whatsoever/not usually interested in a 46 year old
anyway lol

You'd be surprised!

I will take, whatever you girls throw out.

Nothin' from nothin' leaves nothin', hon, or so the old song goes...