FWB relationships - your opinion?
OliveOilMom
Veteran
Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Age:51
Posts: 11,059
Location: About 50 miles past the middle of nowhere
13 May 2013, 8:29 pm
appletheclown wrote:
Because back then God walked the earth, but women also respected their fathers wishes. Most of the time they learned to love, as I have also said before. The bible doesn't condemn arranged marriages because they are marriages, not pre-marital sex.
So women sold as commodities is ok, but getting it on without a ring isn't?[/quote]
Women were not sold, the payment was given as a dowry type thing because you were taking someone's daughter's virginity, it was more of saying you were sorry. Money wasn't evil back then. Why don't you read the bible you are quoting, I mean you don't even believe in it.[/quote]
You didn't answer his question. We understand what the bride price was and what it was about. It's still practiced in many parts of the world and even in some cultures here in the US. It's seen like selling because it's not done anymore by Western society.
However, you didn't answer the question he asked.
_________________
Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
13 May 2013, 8:31 pm
appletheclown wrote:
MXH wrote:
appletheclown wrote:
MXH wrote:
appletheclown wrote:
MXH wrote:
OliveOilMom wrote:
naturalplastic wrote:
Have no "opinion" about it because it doesnt exist.
There is no such thing as being FWB in the straight world.
Gay men can be FWB, but not straight people.
There is no such thing as being FWB in the straight world.
Gay men can be FWB, but not straight people.
Where in the world did you get that idea? I've certainly had it.
My thoughts too. I am not sure many people truly understand concepts of love, dating and sex around here.
Love is absent in an FWB relationship, that is why we have an opinion, we do understand, we just don't don't have the sane opinion as other people, and it offends them.
Any relationship including a marriage is only what those involved want it to be. Is an arranged mail order bride thing better than some friends banging every so often for fun? That is the problem had here. Like JM said, you're treating what you want as the absolute. If you're doing it on purpose or not is another story. But you are doing it. I already showed how your demeaning comment to me has absolutely no backing whatsoever.
You obviously don't understand I meant it would be demeaning to MEEEEEE if IIIIII had meaningless sex NOt you!
"Commitment issues eh? Is being stuck with a lady who wants to jump in the shower with you, take you to her nerd conventions, show you off to all her friends, cuddle around you Every Night, help you through your burnouts, cheer you up, and you the same for her really that bad? I would love to come home to a smiling face, and be that smiling face for someone else so very much. Wouldn't you?"
That was not very 'me' of a post now was it? I recommend you read your posts 3 times before hitting submit to make sure you wrote what you want to say. You're coming off very badly otherwise
That doesn't have the words demeaning in it at all!! ! Why don't YOU read what I say, huh?
Actually what you just said is demeaning. You're making it sound as if I (and likely everyone here) is too dumb to understand you. And in your original reply you made it sound as if I'm having something inferior AND made fun of my commitment issues. So yea you are being very demeaning
13 May 2013, 8:35 pm
OliveOilMom wrote:
appletheclown wrote:
OliveOilMom wrote:
appletheclown wrote:
MXH wrote:
OliveOilMom wrote:
naturalplastic wrote:
Have no "opinion" about it because it doesnt exist.
There is no such thing as being FWB in the straight world.
Gay men can be FWB, but not straight people.
There is no such thing as being FWB in the straight world.
Gay men can be FWB, but not straight people.
Where in the world did you get that idea? I've certainly had it.
My thoughts too. I am not sure many people truly understand concepts of love, dating and sex around here.
Love is absent in an FWB relationship, that is why we have an opinion, we do understand, we just don't don't have the sane opinion as other people, and it offends them.
Nobody is offended that you have a different opinion. However the point of the above posts is why the poster thinks that straight people can't have a FWB but gay men can. Love being absent in a FWB relationship has nothing to do with that. Also, what's wrong if love is absent in that relationship? Also, if you are good friends (read my story about my first FWB with a guy who I'm still friends with) you do love one another but just not romantically?
You like to say how you are traditional and conservative and presumably are Christian and have values taken from the Bible, so let me ask this. In Biblical times many, many marriages were arranged. They did not love each other, but they had sex. Was that wrong? They did not love each other. They did not feel a sacred bond and enjoy becoming one flesh and blood. The girl married the guy her father told her to (sold for a brideprice usually) and she had sex with him because she had to, and to have children for him. So if love is so important in sex, why doesn't the Bible condemn arranged marriages because there is no love?
Because back then God walked the earth, but women also respected their fathers wishes. Most of the time they learned to love, as I have also said before. The bible doesn't condemn arranged marriages because they are marriages, not pre-marital sex.
But there was no love on the wedding night when they had sex. Whether or not God walked the earth, women respected their fathers wishes or if they learned to love later on, that doesn't change the fact that it is sex without love, marriage or not. Actually, many times there would probably be lots of resentment and dislike on the part of the bride towards her husband that was forced on her. How is a woman having sex with a man she is forced to marry but doesn't love or even like better than two people who enjoy each others company having sex? I understand your religious views and I can see how from a religious standpoint that being forced to have sex with a man you dislike because your father said so and therefore it must be what God wants for you, but I don't see how from the standpoint of a human being with actual compassion for other human beings you think that the arranged marriage situation is so much better than the voluntary sex.
Of course not every arranged marriage was unhappy. I'm sure that many women were satisfied and even pleased with the choices their father made for them. However, many were not.
So, why is it better to have sex with someone you don't even like, just because your dad got 17 goats from him, than it is to choose to have sex yourself with someone you choose?
Because everyone was poorer than anyone still alive today. If you were even lucky enough to get married at all, or even find someone who fancied you at all, living in the desert, constantly searching for greener pastures, or paying taxes day after day after day, you considered it a gift from God himself, and didn't complain about your once in a life time offer the man you were arranged to marry gave you.
_________________
Yabu wo tsutsuite hebi wo dasu. - Nou aru taka wa tsume wo kakusu. - Watashi wa Apple The Clown desu. - Hakubutsukan made dou yatte iki masu ka? - Shrimasen. - Komban wa. - Ohaiyou godzimasu.
OliveOilMom
Veteran
Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Age:51
Posts: 11,059
Location: About 50 miles past the middle of nowhere
13 May 2013, 8:39 pm
MXH wrote:
You obviously don't understand I meant it would be demeaning to MEEEEEE if IIIIII had meaningless sex NOt you!
"Commitment issues eh? Is being stuck with a lady who wants to jump in the shower with you, take you to her nerd conventions, show you off to all her friends, cuddle around you Every Night, help you through your burnouts, cheer you up, and you the same for her really that bad? I would love to come home to a smiling face, and be that smiling face for someone else so very much. Wouldn't you?"
[/quote]
Apple, have you ever been in a long term relationship? Because while it's a lot like your description at first that doesn't last. I've been married for 26 years and love my husband dearly and I can tell you that it is certainly not like that description at all. It's also not like that at first for everybody either. Not ever love story is a happy one. Before you spend too much time trying to sell your version of romantic love to us, I'd suggest you talk to more people who have been in long term relationships and find out that while many times it is good and good for a long time, it's never like your description forever.
Rose colored glasses don't work in the real world.
_________________
Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
OliveOilMom
Veteran
Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Age:51
Posts: 11,059
Location: About 50 miles past the middle of nowhere
13 May 2013, 8:41 pm
appletheclown wrote:
Because everyone was poorer than anyone still alive today. If you were even lucky enough to get married at all, or even find someone who fancied you at all, living in the desert, constantly searching for greener pastures, or paying taxes day after day after day, you considered it a gift from God himself, and didn't complain about your once in a life time offer the man you were arranged to marry gave you.
OK, I get it. If your life is a living hell and having sex with a guy your dad sold you to will make your life a little better then it's ok to do it with somebody you don't love.
Gotcha.
You know, there are a lot of hookers who got into prostitution to make their lives better. Damn, they are Biblical!
_________________
Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
don't know about you..lol
13 May 2013, 8:45 pm
MXH wrote:
appletheclown wrote:
MXH wrote:
appletheclown wrote:
MXH wrote:
appletheclown wrote:
MXH wrote:
OliveOilMom wrote:
naturalplastic wrote:
Have no "opinion" about it because it doesnt exist.
There is no such thing as being FWB in the straight world.
Gay men can be FWB, but not straight people.
There is no such thing as being FWB in the straight world.
Gay men can be FWB, but not straight people.
Where in the world did you get that idea? I've certainly had it.
My thoughts too. I am not sure many people truly understand concepts of love, dating and sex around here.
Love is absent in an FWB relationship, that is why we have an opinion, we do understand, we just don't don't have the sane opinion as other people, and it offends them.
Any relationship including a marriage is only what those involved want it to be. Is an arranged mail order bride thing better than some friends banging every so often for fun? That is the problem had here. Like JM said, you're treating what you want as the absolute. If you're doing it on purpose or not is another story. But you are doing it. I already showed how your demeaning comment to me has absolutely no backing whatsoever.
You obviously don't understand I meant it would be demeaning to MEEEEEE if IIIIII had meaningless sex NOt you!
"Commitment issues eh? Is being stuck with a lady who wants to jump in the shower with you, take you to her nerd conventions, show you off to all her friends, cuddle around you Every Night, help you through your burnouts, cheer you up, and you the same for her really that bad? I would love to come home to a smiling face, and be that smiling face for someone else so very much. Wouldn't you?"
That was not very 'me' of a post now was it? I recommend you read your posts 3 times before hitting submit to make sure you wrote what you want to say. You're coming off very badly otherwise
That doesn't have the words demeaning in it at all!! ! Why don't YOU read what I say, huh?
Actually what you just said is demeaning. You're making it sound as if I (and likely everyone here) is too dumb to understand you. And in your original reply you made it sound as if I'm having something inferior AND made fun of my commitment issues. So yea you are being very demeaning
I'm coming off badly because I disagree with your views on sex and marriage? To bad man! You offended me too, but I don't go around getting offended by your opinions, I get offended when you state things as such that I have bolded, which makes me think you are talking down on me as if I am a dumb ass. Saying 'otherwise you come off badly', even though it is advice, doesn't make it even less offensive to me. Quite honestly, just because you take offense to my conservative views, doesn't mean I should have to apologize for them, otherwise you would too. Imagine if the conservatives in our government got offended at everything the liberals said?
_________________
Yabu wo tsutsuite hebi wo dasu. - Nou aru taka wa tsume wo kakusu. - Watashi wa Apple The Clown desu. - Hakubutsukan made dou yatte iki masu ka? - Shrimasen. - Komban wa. - Ohaiyou godzimasu.
13 May 2013, 8:51 pm
OliveOilMom wrote:
appletheclown wrote:
Because everyone was poorer than anyone still alive today. If you were even lucky enough to get married at all, or even find someone who fancied you at all, living in the desert, constantly searching for greener pastures, or paying taxes day after day after day, you considered it a gift from God himself, and didn't complain about your once in a life time offer the man you were arranged to marry gave you.
OK, I get it. If your life is a living hell and having sex with a guy your dad sold you to will make your life a little better then it's ok to do it with somebody you don't love.
Gotcha.
You know, there are a lot of hookers who got into prostitution to make their lives better. Damn, they are Biblical!
If you take offense to something that happened 10,000 years ago, your the one with problems not me. Prostitutes are actually not frowned upon as much as you people take me as doing. I never said I directly hated any of you, but because I had opposing views, you got all hot and bothered. We don't force you people to shut it when you talk about how you think, do we? A prostitute can always be forgiven, quite easily in fact. I'm sure a prostitute needs the money more than you need to have sex with your fwb man anyways.
_________________
Yabu wo tsutsuite hebi wo dasu. - Nou aru taka wa tsume wo kakusu. - Watashi wa Apple The Clown desu. - Hakubutsukan made dou yatte iki masu ka? - Shrimasen. - Komban wa. - Ohaiyou godzimasu.
13 May 2013, 8:56 pm
Apple, about friends with benefits..
1) Would you rather be alone if marriage was never on the cards?
2) Would you write the same sort of messages on WrongPlanet if you were in a loving relationship, the kind you believe in, and there was a good chance your partner or your parents would be able to read them?
3) If you were divorced for what ever reason, how would you view marriage over friends with benefits and your specific ideology of love?
Tyri0n
Veteran
Joined: 24 Nov 2012
Age:28
Posts: 2,967
Location: Douchebag Capital of the World (aka Washington D.C.)
13 May 2013, 8:57 pm
appletheclown wrote:
OliveOilMom wrote:
appletheclown wrote:
MXH wrote:
OliveOilMom wrote:
naturalplastic wrote:
Have no "opinion" about it because it doesnt exist.
There is no such thing as being FWB in the straight world.
Gay men can be FWB, but not straight people.
There is no such thing as being FWB in the straight world.
Gay men can be FWB, but not straight people.
Where in the world did you get that idea? I've certainly had it.
My thoughts too. I am not sure many people truly understand concepts of love, dating and sex around here.
Love is absent in an FWB relationship, that is why we have an opinion, we do understand, we just don't don't have the sane opinion as other people, and it offends them.
Nobody is offended that you have a different opinion. However the point of the above posts is why the poster thinks that straight people can't have a FWB but gay men can. Love being absent in a FWB relationship has nothing to do with that. Also, what's wrong if love is absent in that relationship? Also, if you are good friends (read my story about my first FWB with a guy who I'm still friends with) you do love one another but just not romantically?
You like to say how you are traditional and conservative and presumably are Christian and have values taken from the Bible, so let me ask this. In Biblical times many, many marriages were arranged. They did not love each other, but they had sex. Was that wrong? They did not love each other. They did not feel a sacred bond and enjoy becoming one flesh and blood. The girl married the guy her father told her to (sold for a brideprice usually) and she had sex with him because she had to, and to have children for him. So if love is so important in sex, why doesn't the Bible condemn arranged marriages because there is no love?
Because back then God walked the earth, but women also respected their fathers wishes. Most of the time they learned to love, as I have also said before. The bible doesn't condemn arranged marriages because they are marriages, not pre-marital sex.
Bad choice bringing up the Bible here. I was raised in a fundamentalist home and at one point had half the damned thing memorized.
How many of King David's 800 wives and 900 mistresses were "true love" marriages? Sounds like the "man after God's heart" had lots of FWB's. I admire the guy. I want to be a man after God's heart too!
The Bible does not condemn men from having sex with multiple women. It just condemns women for having sex with multiple men. King David was a man after God's heart, but the Samaritan Woman in the New Testament was a "prostitute" because she simply got divorced a few times.
Now, how about this? I'd love to see you (1) defend it and get raked over the coals by Meems et al. (2) squirm or (3) run away from it.
13 May 2013, 9:00 pm
appletheclown wrote:
MXH wrote:
appletheclown wrote:
MXH wrote:
appletheclown wrote:
MXH wrote:
appletheclown wrote:
MXH wrote:
OliveOilMom wrote:
naturalplastic wrote:
Have no "opinion" about it because it doesnt exist.
There is no such thing as being FWB in the straight world.
Gay men can be FWB, but not straight people.
There is no such thing as being FWB in the straight world.
Gay men can be FWB, but not straight people.
Where in the world did you get that idea? I've certainly had it.
My thoughts too. I am not sure many people truly understand concepts of love, dating and sex around here.
Love is absent in an FWB relationship, that is why we have an opinion, we do understand, we just don't don't have the sane opinion as other people, and it offends them.
Any relationship including a marriage is only what those involved want it to be. Is an arranged mail order bride thing better than some friends banging every so often for fun? That is the problem had here. Like JM said, you're treating what you want as the absolute. If you're doing it on purpose or not is another story. But you are doing it. I already showed how your demeaning comment to me has absolutely no backing whatsoever.
You obviously don't understand I meant it would be demeaning to MEEEEEE if IIIIII had meaningless sex NOt you!
"Commitment issues eh? Is being stuck with a lady who wants to jump in the shower with you, take you to her nerd conventions, show you off to all her friends, cuddle around you Every Night, help you through your burnouts, cheer you up, and you the same for her really that bad? I would love to come home to a smiling face, and be that smiling face for someone else so very much. Wouldn't you?"
That was not very 'me' of a post now was it? I recommend you read your posts 3 times before hitting submit to make sure you wrote what you want to say. You're coming off very badly otherwise
That doesn't have the words demeaning in it at all!! ! Why don't YOU read what I say, huh?
Actually what you just said is demeaning. You're making it sound as if I (and likely everyone here) is too dumb to understand you. And in your original reply you made it sound as if I'm having something inferior AND made fun of my commitment issues. So yea you are being very demeaning
I'm coming off badly because I disagree with your views on sex and marriage? To bad man! You offended me too, but I don't go around getting offended by your opinions, I get offended when you state things as such that I have bolded, which makes me think you are talking down on me as if I am a dumb ass. Saying 'otherwise you come off badly', even though it is advice, doesn't make it even less offensive to me. Quite honestly, just because you take offense to my conservative views, doesn't mean I should have to apologize for them, otherwise you would too. Imagine if the conservatives in our government got offended at everything the liberals said?
Ok since you've done it again with all the assuming let's clear things up.
I vote republican. Don't start on this liberal vs conservative bullshit when not only is it not relevant but also not been implied anywhere.
You're coming off badly not because you disagree but because you make your view to be the ultimate view. If its not your way then it must suck. Have I or anyone else in this thread acted in such a way? No we haven't. We've only picked at the holes in your ultimate truth.
If you find advice offensive then chances are it is really important that you take it, because the offense is a defense mechanism. You already talked to me as if I'm a dumbass, I try to as politely as possible help you out in your obvious difficulty in saying things how you want. But its not happening, you're having no part in it.
13 May 2013, 9:00 pm
OliveOilMom wrote:
appletheclown wrote:
Because everyone was poorer than anyone still alive today. If you were even lucky enough to get married at all, or even find someone who fancied you at all, living in the desert, constantly searching for greener pastures, or paying taxes day after day after day, you considered it a gift from God himself, and didn't complain about your once in a life time offer the man you were arranged to marry gave you.
OK, I get it. If your life is a living hell and having sex with a guy your dad sold you to will make your life a little better then it's ok to do it with somebody you don't love.
Gotcha.
You know, there are a lot of hookers who got into prostitution to make their lives better. Damn, they are Biblical!
He did not sell you anything. Do you condemn Hindu people for dowry payments? No, so stop partonizing me for my religion doing the same. Why don't you go to india and tell that to people who survive off of arranged marriages. The idea in my religion is not to hate, wwhich I never said to any of you, you just find my opinions extremely offensive. Why do you think I want to fall in love with someone from Asia in the first place? Because they are actually more socially accepting than Americans, and they are xenophobic. I doubt I will get yelled at in Japan for believing this, and to think they used to behead Christians. The lead pilot of the attack on pearl harbour became a christian after WW2. And don't worry, if I ever do pull off an arranged marriage I will promise to stay off wrongplanet, I'll even surrender my account when it happens. But for now, I enjoy being here as much as you do, so please calm down, you have your opinion and I have mine.
_________________
Yabu wo tsutsuite hebi wo dasu. - Nou aru taka wa tsume wo kakusu. - Watashi wa Apple The Clown desu. - Hakubutsukan made dou yatte iki masu ka? - Shrimasen. - Komban wa. - Ohaiyou godzimasu.
13 May 2013, 9:02 pm
appletheclown wrote:
OliveOilMom wrote:
appletheclown wrote:
Because everyone was poorer than anyone still alive today. If you were even lucky enough to get married at all, or even find someone who fancied you at all, living in the desert, constantly searching for greener pastures, or paying taxes day after day after day, you considered it a gift from God himself, and didn't complain about your once in a life time offer the man you were arranged to marry gave you.
OK, I get it. If your life is a living hell and having sex with a guy your dad sold you to will make your life a little better then it's ok to do it with somebody you don't love.
Gotcha.
You know, there are a lot of hookers who got into prostitution to make their lives better. Damn, they are Biblical!
If you take offense to something that happened 10,000 years ago, your the one with problems not me. Prostitutes are actually not frowned upon as much as you people take me as doing. I never said I directly hated any of you, but because I had opposing views, you got all hot and bothered. We don't force you people to shut it when you talk about how you think, do we? A prostitute can always be forgiven, quite easily in fact. I'm sure a prostitute needs the money more than you need to have sex with your fwb man anyways.
We got bothered not because you have differing views, but because you forced your views on us and justify them with random crap. Were not saying don't have them. We are saying we have our own, stop trying to change our minds over them
My suggestion, let go of the shovel.
13 May 2013, 9:04 pm
MXH wrote:
appletheclown wrote:
MXH wrote:
appletheclown wrote:
MXH wrote:
appletheclown wrote:
MXH wrote:
appletheclown wrote:
MXH wrote:
OliveOilMom wrote:
naturalplastic wrote:
Have no "opinion" about it because it doesnt exist.
There is no such thing as being FWB in the straight world.
Gay men can be FWB, but not straight people.
There is no such thing as being FWB in the straight world.
Gay men can be FWB, but not straight people.
Where in the world did you get that idea? I've certainly had it.
My thoughts too. I am not sure many people truly understand concepts of love, dating and sex around here.
Love is absent in an FWB relationship, that is why we have an opinion, we do understand, we just don't don't have the sane opinion as other people, and it offends them.
Any relationship including a marriage is only what those involved want it to be. Is an arranged mail order bride thing better than some friends banging every so often for fun? That is the problem had here. Like JM said, you're treating what you want as the absolute. If you're doing it on purpose or not is another story. But you are doing it. I already showed how your demeaning comment to me has absolutely no backing whatsoever.
You obviously don't understand I meant it would be demeaning to MEEEEEE if IIIIII had meaningless sex NOt you!
"Commitment issues eh? Is being stuck with a lady who wants to jump in the shower with you, take you to her nerd conventions, show you off to all her friends, cuddle around you Every Night, help you through your burnouts, cheer you up, and you the same for her really that bad? I would love to come home to a smiling face, and be that smiling face for someone else so very much. Wouldn't you?"
That was not very 'me' of a post now was it? I recommend you read your posts 3 times before hitting submit to make sure you wrote what you want to say. You're coming off very badly otherwise
That doesn't have the words demeaning in it at all!! ! Why don't YOU read what I say, huh?
Actually what you just said is demeaning. You're making it sound as if I (and likely everyone here) is too dumb to understand you. And in your original reply you made it sound as if I'm having something inferior AND made fun of my commitment issues. So yea you are being very demeaning
I'm coming off badly because I disagree with your views on sex and marriage? To bad man! You offended me too, but I don't go around getting offended by your opinions, I get offended when you state things as such that I have bolded, which makes me think you are talking down on me as if I am a dumb ass. Saying 'otherwise you come off badly', even though it is advice, doesn't make it even less offensive to me. Quite honestly, just because you take offense to my conservative views, doesn't mean I should have to apologize for them, otherwise you would too. Imagine if the conservatives in our government got offended at everything the liberals said?
Ok since you've done it again with all the assuming let's clear things up.
I vote republican. Don't start on this liberal vs conservative bullshit when not only is it not relevant but also not been implied anywhere.
You're coming off badly not because you disagree but because you make your view to be the ultimate view. If its not your way then it must suck. Have I or anyone else in this thread acted in such a way? No we haven't. We've only picked at the holes in your ultimate truth.
If you find advice offensive then chances are it is really important that you take it, because the offense is a defense mechanism. You already talked to me as if I'm a dumbass, I try to as politely as possible help you out in your obvious difficulty in saying things how you want. But its not happening, you're having no part in it.
Where did I say my view was ultimate? No human's view is ultimate, so please stop assuming I think this way. You may be very well right your self. but I do not have to believe it. Offering a counter argument is my right, if I come off offensive so be it.
_________________
Yabu wo tsutsuite hebi wo dasu. - Nou aru taka wa tsume wo kakusu. - Watashi wa Apple The Clown desu. - Hakubutsukan made dou yatte iki masu ka? - Shrimasen. - Komban wa. - Ohaiyou godzimasu.
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