How “Nice guys” are made, The ultimate post

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heh after reading this i feel its like saying to someone in a wheelchair "get up an walk! girls like guys who can walk"

Heh, agreed. You still like to know the mechanics of things though just because, its better to realize that you really aren't missing out on as much as people would have you believe or to get a feel for just how corrupt the whole process and scene is in general.

Insecurity is only ONE tiny factor, there are other more complicated factors then just being afraid and inexperienced.

haha, so true. Girls do like those bipedal humans.

Though in my case I do seem like a pretty nice guy. Though I am also very picky about who I date because I know that she could be a future wife. Why else is there a reason to date? Dating is basically saying "I like you and want to see if we're pretty compatible." Dating for the fun of it is pretty pointless and... um not fun? Haha, but yes that's my general view. I don't date because I want a wife but I understand dating should lead to a wife. Of course I hide this viewpoint from my peers as this isn't the social norm of course.

Haha, maybe I'm in perfect balance because I have been called a nice guy and an as*hole many times. I think the nice guy comes from my old fashioned upbringing (no sex before marriage, opening doors for women, etc) and the as*hole comes from my bluntness :/

I think that's everything which is wrong with the way I tend to approach things in a nutshell. Thinking like that may do ok in some out of the way pockets of the population but I very rarely find them and never have a chance to stay in contact long enough to make anything of it. For the most part its a primal process and one which you almost get dissed by the system for putting selectivity or thought into is, as if your supposed to just have the guts to go for a girl just because you think she's 'haut' and risk her being the worst fit for you, risk her being kinda psycho, risk her having STDs, risk her being s leech or a thief, risk a lot of potential drama or abuse - like you have to shoulder all those risks just to show your man enough to actually be in the dating scene at all period. Yeah, it sounds completely and utterly ret*d but I notice there are a lot of themes in our culture which are and if you break tradition with them...hehhehhe...your own your own - good luck with that one



Yeah, ditto for me I just don't have the bluntness because what I naturally had as a kid didn't work in positive ways. I have been working on cocky funny or being a smartarse when I can but it seems more like I'm doing that just to maintain a woman's respect or seem normal enough, it doesn't do much else really aside from proving that you aren't creepy (and that's another thing that's so funny - I know so many friends who do that Dave DeAngelo stuff, flirt with lots of women, can get great reactions, and yet I never see them actually dating - kinda odd when you think about it).

I can relate to alot of what was just said, though not that I entirely agree with it all. I'm not the sorta person who needs to be with someone all of the time. I like having space and dont' mind being alone at all, sometimes i miss the whole companionship (and other benefits) type stuff but i have had a fair few bad experiences and sometimes it seems it's more hassle than it's worth. I don't view every girl i'm attracted to as a potential wife, for the most part i've always been to young to even think about that sorta stuff. The reverse tends to happen alot though... most of the times i've had mutual attraction between myself and a woman i've come to realise they've seen me as a future husband. I've even been told by a few of them, that i'm "the settling down type" or that they can see the ring on my finger already.

Which is kinda weird for me seeing as i'm not that experienced with dating or anything. I spent the first 19 years of my life totally lacking in confidence with regards to dating. Then i got a GF and started to think that heh maybe I am kinda attractive. That lasted for 3 yrs and since then i've seen a few girls but i'm always picky(have to like their mind, their body and i have to be convinced that they're with me because they like me, not just because they're somebodies agent) and i'm also inherently monogomous. When I like a girl I focus on her to the exclusion of all else so don't spend time chasing other girls. To be honest i'm not worried about it, I realise I could be "more typical" and more concerned with shagging everything that moves like most of the people i know. But then again... here's a joke for ya.

Two guys get asked a question.

What would you do if you discovered the earth was going to be destroyed in 30 minutes?
First guy says: I'd shag everything that moves.
Second guy says: I'd stand perfectly still.

I think you described me better than I could have. Sure I find women attractive but if I pursue them for a date I have to like everything about them so far (mind,body,etc) and I have to know that this is a potential mate. If I don't think that this woman would be someone I would marry then she is unattractive to me. Haha, the current girl I'm with I decided the first night I met her that she wasn't for me (she was making out with this muscly jock-type most of the night, in her defense she was drunk). Though before that I did promise her I'd email her in the morning. I did and we became good friends. When I saw her after the semester started back up I knew I had to ask her out. It helped that I know pretty much all her friends pretty well and I'm sure they are hyping me behind my back. Pity I didn't meet her sooner though, damn me and lack of socializing.

A lot of my friends say I act like a dad already. Though I think it's less on the women front and moreso that I seem to embarrass them in public

The first time I went on a date was when I was 20. And this will be the 3rd girl I've dated in my life. Don't worry I know that I can't be obsessing over her being "the one." So I have to keep my guard up and remind myself to try and enjoy the now. Even if my initial reasoning from asking her out was the idea of her being a suitable bride. It's a little thing I've realized I have to work on. Along with eye contact

yep... sounds like advice that requires bascis social skills, therefore good for NTs but useless to me and many other aspies.

It's funny, because in a lot of ways I am a poster child for this whole "nice guy" issue. I've never made a first move. Still, I benefited from some of the scrapes that I've gotten into and aquired something of a 'nasty' reputation - at which point a number of girls (mostly attached) became very interested in me. I think that the elements of danger are just attractive.