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lunchbox
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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25 Mar 2007, 4:20 am

I'm 17, 18 in June, and I've had a crush on a friend of mine for a few years. She's moving away in a little over a week, and although I think I should tell her before what is possibly the last time I see her, I'm not sure if I should, or if I should just leave things as they are and say goodbye to her. She's 25, has a two year old, and is in a relationship, so It's not as though I expect anything to come of it, I just feel like she should know and that I need to tell her. I don't want to pile on to what is a stressful time for her, or make things weird between us, but I don't want to end up regretting not saying anything. Any advice?



calandale
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25 Mar 2007, 4:26 am

If you are going to tell her, it ought to be in a very lighthearted manner. Any serious revelation is not likely to be well recieved.



kingjim
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26 Mar 2007, 4:29 am

Hey! I'm 34 and am in the SAME situation again! Well, she's not moving away, but she is seeing a new guy.. Let's roll back 15 years. I was "friends" with a girl, but in love with her. I moved 2000 miles away. She came to visit me. At the end of her visit I told her how I felt. She said, "I love you too, but you're my best friend and I don't want to ruin that." I never spoke to her again. Sadly..

OK, now it's been 15 years and I still regret being the nice guy. Now I'm in the "nice guys finish last" scenerio again.

MY advice: Forget being nice. Tell her. When she says, "but you're like a brother", KISS HER. I give this advice in retrospect and circumspect. I missed my chance. DO NOT LET IT SLIP AWAY! IT IS IMPORTANT! Chances are, this girl might be in your life in the future, she might not. TAKE THE CHANCE, if you can! (I couldn't).. Now here I am. Lonely, regretful, sad... DO NOT BE ME.

Girls don't know they like you until you kiss them. Just how it works.

ps..my advice is based soley on the endless scenerios I have played out in my head. "if only if only if only"...

btw.. it's not "piling on". It is flattery if nothing more. You will make her happy even if she seems upset. How would you feel if some girl tried to kiss you? RIGHT?? So try.

Ouch.. I hate giving advice, because I am bound to follow it myself. oh dear.



kingjim
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27 Mar 2007, 4:17 am

Ok, replying to myself on this. There is no right thing to do in romance. No matter what you do, it will soon be what you did. "there is no try only do".

I saw my last ex tonight. At some point, told her I had stopped dating. She told me that I was one of the best boyfriends she had had. I said, "But it ended horribly". She replied with, "you don't even know horrible, you're an amazing person."

So, now what? I don't have the excuse anymore.. But this time I will wait for the right one. the right time. the right moment. THEN and only THEN. I will stop trying to do the right thing. I will speak up, in my wrong tone, with my wrong words, with my wrong everything, and say what I HAVE to say. I look forward to that day. Maybe it is tomorrow. Maybe it is today. It doesn't matter. Nothing really does. In the end we are all dust.



Kosmonaut
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27 Mar 2007, 6:30 am

lunchbox wrote:
Any advice?


Forget her.
Find some other girl friends.



Gamester
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27 Mar 2007, 11:34 am

Kosmonaut wrote:
lunchbox wrote:
Any advice?


Forget her.
Find some other girl friends.


Kos. bad advice.

even I, the res date doctor wouldn't say that.

Lunchbox.

your friend has need to know, but the fact that you're 18 and she's 25........geez dude, you like older women, I'll give you that much, you're just like me, I dated a 27 year old. and I'm 19....anyhow.

Yes. your friend has a need to know, but the fact that you're waiting this late in the game, is absolutly bad. nothing can come of it. you tell her and it will be awkward for the both of you, worst case scenario is that she'll probably think you're stupid and never wanna talk to you again. best case is that she will thank you for telling her, and move on and keep being friends. she has a significant other in her life right now, so that won't do much good.

hopefully that helps.

not used to situations and scenarios such as this.

but best of luck to you anyhow.

Sir Gamester. Res board advisor, director of dating advice, psych councilor in training.


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