Dating anxiety! Date tonight! Help!

Post Reply New Topic

Hi everybody,

So a guy I met online wants to go and have a drink with me tonight. We live in the same city at 10 minutes distance of each other. He asked me yesterday night on facebook but I just felt so tense when he asked it that I couldn´t respond to any of his messages anymore. The boy is 23 and has aspergers too.

Even though we kinda connect on the internet and I want to see him, I have such dating anxiety! Rationally I know that I should make a big deal out of it and have nothing to lose, but all that is going through my head is: 'What if there is no connection? What if it turns out to be a disaster date where we end op looking at our smartphones all the time. What if it gets really uncomfortable?".


Oooh gooooooooooooood.


I don't know what to do. Does anyone recognize this?

Cafe you remind me of this meme.



It's normal. He will probably be just as nervous if that makes you feel better.

Oooo fun! It's ok to be nervous. Maybe alcohol would loosen you up a bit (but be careful not to drink too much). Have a great time!

Think about the absolute worst thing that could happen, from your perspective, in such an encounter.
Then realize that that thing isn't actually all that bad.
Then remind yourself that he's probably just as nervous, if not more so.

Rinse, repeat as necessary.

I call it the 'what's the worst that can happen? & they're more scared of you than you are of them' theory of dating.

Tell him how you feel, and why.

I know he is just as nervous as I am.

I keep repeating to myself: what's the worst that could happen? what's the worst that could happen?

uglhlglhhhhhhhhhhhhh oooooooooooooh

Take a deep breath.

Remember, if you feel nervous then imagine him naked - didn't work with me though.

But it's not just the talking to him itself.

It's the whole thing that goes in advance: meeting up at a bar, having to 'find' him first in a dark and crowded place...Maybe I won't recognize him right away. etc
It's things like that that make me nervous.

PUSH THE BUTTON! PUSH THE BUTTON!

Be calm, think rationally.

If it goes well, great! You may have met a new friend or boyfriend or friend with benefits or activity partner or whatever you two decide.

If it goes absolutely horribly, so what? You're not obligated to see or talk to the guy again. No one else in your life is going to know any of the details about a lame date unless you tell them, so there can't be any judging or whatever. You won't have lost anything because you didn't have a connection with the guy or a relationship or anything. You'll be right back where you were, as whole as you've always been, nothing more nothing less - so who cares?

Even if it goes terribly, you'll have at least made an effort and tried! You'll have met someone new, gone on a Valentine's date, ruled someone out that you don't want to be with, learned to calm your anxiety about these things and get outside your comfort zone a little bit... so many positives to having gone through the process even if the end result isn't ideal.

But instead of worrying about what could go wrong, maybe you should try focusing on what could go right? I mean, what if the guy is totally awesome and you click with him and enjoy each other's company, share some great conversation, smiles & laughs all evening? Think happy thoughts and happy things may happen... focus on the negative and you'll manifest that reality because you'll make yourself so nervous and anxious and worried and so forth - so don't do that!

Try going for a run/doing some exercise to lift your mood a little, take a hot bath, enjoy some peaceful music, spend 20 minutes on peaceful meditation, spend a few minutes doing some "power poses," to boost your confidence by literally altering your hormone levels in the process... and then go out with the intent to enjoy yourself even IF he turns out to be someone you're not interested in seeing again. Then you'll end the night with a smile having accomplished a whole lot of good things even if a second date or boyfriend isn't the end result.

Relax, enjoy.

OH MY GOD, the day has arrived.

I DON´T WANNA GO. I DON´T WANNA GO. I DON´T WANNA GO.

BUT I REALLY DO. YES I DO. I DO, COME ON.


Shoot me please.