worst dating attempt or relationship

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My worst dating experience is pretty much my ONLY dating experience. I still can't share too many details or any pictures of myself on the internet and have to use a pseudonym on Facebook because of this, and if the person finds out where I live, I have to get a restraining order.

Long story short, I was in a ~2.5 year manipulative relationship that ended with the person trying to kill me in several different (and disgustingly creative) ways. It took me a year after he tried to kill me before I realized he was actually a bad person--probably a Narcissist and/or sociopath or psychopath.

It's been years since that happened and I'm pretty much over the whole thing, but I still have an irrational fear of dating which I've been trying to overcome. The progress has been agonizingly slow, but I HAVE at least made some progress. Whenever people try to date me or set me up or even suggest that I might make a "cute couple" with someone or that I'm not completely disgusting in terms of dating, I get this horrible anxiety. Pretty bad relationship, I think.

My first "real" boyfriend was, frankly, a mistake. Really. We had been good friends for about a year, and then that got screwed up to the point that we really couldn't talk meaningfully any more. So, after awhile, all that frustrated need to communicate came out in sex. At that point, he was in it for his ego, and I was in it because I didn't want to lose what connection we had left.

Breaking up was the best thing that happened in the relationship.

The guy after that didn't really like ME. He thought everything I said was silly and stupid, and treated me like I was a six-year-old with a fully functioning vagina. He didn't really like ME; he didn't even know ME. He was rather overweight with a short penis (note to guys: two-inch dick notwithstanding, he was infinitely better in bed than the previous guy, who for all he had an immense cock couldn't quit looking in the mirror) and a giant complex about it. The fat and the short willie were not a problem. The fact that I was a prop for his ego-- that he did not like ME so much as he liked the idea that he was going out with and sleeping with this hot skinny chick, regardless of the fact that I was weird and sad all the time-- was.

But I think the first guy I ever "dated" took the cake. First date was an FFA meeting. I really wanted to do the FFA thing-- and he really wanted to take my pants off in the back seat of his daddy's car. We were 14!! ! This guy seriously could not grasp that "NO" meant "NO." To him, it meant "Try again in 30 seconds." I spent most of that school year with his hand in my underwear during science class. "Please stop" didn't mean much. Safety pinning my shirt to my pants meant he should unzip my fly. Pinning my fly shut meant he should fondle me through my pants. I really should have just stood up in the middle of class and yelled something like, "Dammit, I told you to KEEP YOUR FAST HANDS TO YOURSELF!! !"

That one put me off relationships in general for about six years.

I dated a girl briefly in high school who although highly agreeable, a hobbyist mechanic like me, was the only one in my list who did not understand my introversion. I've since dropped the introversion, and although my dating life now is insane by comparison, that's because summer break is ending in the U.S. and I can't text my way out of a paper bag. It'll pass, women are still less confusing than programming.