Would this be an inappropriate thing to do?
So there's a girl I like, and for the most part she doesn't like me very much, though occasionally she's nice to me. But her parents like me and know I'm a good kid, and they're really nice too(They also know I like her). I'm friends with both of them on facebook, and her mom posts a lot of pictures of her, and I see a lot of comments about her looks on it from her family and friends, and sometimes I want to add something in. I want to know, would it be inappropriate or weird if I liked one or said something short like "she's pretty" or something like that? I think if it sounds awkward then she probably wouldn't even bother replying to me, and just see it the same as every other comment. But I'd still like to know if that's a bad, risky idea so I don't look out of place if I do it. Thoughts?
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Last edited by modernmax on 02 Jun 2014, 12:31 am, edited 1 time in total.
LocksAndLiqueur
Snowy Owl
Joined: 29 May 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 160
Location: Yam hill County, Oregon
If you're posting on her Mom's Facebook page, then make sure you evaluate your comment based on how her Mom would interpret it, first. Make sure you think she'd be okay with it. It can also help to focus on specific artifacts instead of a general "pretty" comment. For example, "that hat looks nice on her" or something like that, is easier to accept. Good luck, social networks add a whole extra difficult twist on the socialization klunkiness that lots of people face. Clicking the "like" button is fairly innocuous in my social group, so it doesn't mean much. But stay away from 'liking" every picture of her. Make sure you have a specific, constructive thought in your head other than just "I like her and I want her to know it." If you have a constructive and appropriate thought in your head, that makes it easier for that thought to come through in what you say and write. Having inappropriate thoughts is something everyone does sometimes, but that's a bad time to be communicating with people.
I'd ask what you're trying to achieve with the facebook comment. I really like elkclan's advice that sounds great.
As you say she doesn't like you very much except on occasion probably to be polite then I imagine you will have to engage in much more direct behavior and contact with her rather than a simple facebook comment. Try to spend some with her get to know her make her laugh etc endear yourself as a valuable contributor to her life. A comment on a photo will likely be ignored and your status with her will not change in the slightest although there is nothing lost in commenting on her photo.
I don't see a problem with commenting positively on her looks as generally when someone uploads a pic of themselves or their child to Facebook they are fishing for compliments about how attractive they are.
I would question why you are pursuing someone who for the most part doesn't like you and is only nice to you sometimes though? I think it would be better to hold out for someone who is nice to you most of the time.
jrjones9933
Veteran
Joined: 13 May 2011
Age: 55
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Posts: 13,144
Location: The end of the northwest passage
It doesn't sound like a good idea to me. Having a goal in mind and acting in accordance with that goal sounds like a good idea to me, but I have trouble behaving that way consistently. Things go better when I do, though. I think it helps other people to understand me better, and it keeps me from getting pulled in random directions by impulsiveness.
I don't see anything wrong with enjoying the good times that you have with this girl while simultaneously looking around for someone else to like who will like you more. If she suddenly decides that she's into you, then you could have a delicate situation on your hands, but that's what we call a champagne problem, and also seems highly unlikely based on my own experience.
Get over this. Don't even bother. You'll grow old wishing and hoping for something that will not happen. These people (the parents and the girl) have labeled you and labels stick. There is so much out there now about AS that anybody could basically figure you out and not all teaching institutions value anonymity. I've heard faculty members talk openly about students who have IEP's to parents in general both at church and synagogue. Nothings secret while you are still a kid. These people you know are most likely being condescending. Why not respond to someone that genuinely shows an interest in you and tells you so? Just because someone is nice to you doesn't mean that they are interested in you romantically. This may not be for long while yet but it will be worth it and try not to be so superficially judgemental. A lot of people are nice looking but not everybody's nice. Get to know a young woman based on personality alone - not by how many friends she has or how well rooted she is in her community or how much attention she is getting. With all that - what the hell does she need you for. You'll just be one more pearl thrown her way. What about you? What's she going to do FOR YOU?! If you are on the spectrum, you are doomed to failure with this kind of subservient attitude. When parents are out of the picture and you are more mature, you'll find that people are interested in YOU - there is no remnant of labels or IEP histories, vans, and all those things that tell the world we are different and need to be seen as "nice" and harmless and without desires or sexuality. Ditch these people quick and stop hanging on to where you will end up personally embarrassed. It gets tiresome, constantly being a "go-for". Having to constantly compliment them, buy for them, do this do that. It's a pain being an ass-kisser. Time to man up and stop sucking up to the people you see as so very desirable because of their huge social circles. They have these circles because they get their energy from many people at a time whereas, you may draw your energy from within you. It doesn't make them better than you and you will not become better by being around them. The problem with this world in general is that majority thinking always tries to change those who are unique. Those that are unique go around thinking that they are odd and end up constantly trying to fit in to circles that really don't want them around. In the process, they miss those that are trying EVERYTHING to get noticed by them - most likely another individual just like themself - a unique person who has learned a long time ago that there was absolutely NOTHING wrong with them but a heck of a lot was right with them. I've seen these Facebooks with these young girls and I personally feel turned off by it all. I think it's dangerous and a big lure to pedophiles.[b] OUR people (AS) get marginalized even on Facebook. Why set yourself up?
Last edited by RightGalaxy on 02 Jun 2014, 7:57 am, edited 6 times in total.
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