Anything random to say about your crush/love/relationship?

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heh, i'm almost invariably the first to send someone a message, so having this happen is a treat that never gets old.

i brought up the subject of exes with my gf once, and she told me about hers, she has one. he passed by us on his bike, and if it weren't for her pointing it out i wouldn't have noticed. hardly saw him, i was expecting someone slightly older, one that didn't go to her high school. she's probably waiting for me to tell her about mine.



it kills

she smelled so nice with no perfume. her aura smelled nice. her essence, her being. flesh? what was it? somethign extracted from a meteorite?

smell memory is unwavering.

I do too.

Let them have some beans then.

I really thought they were beans until I saw the writings.

mmmmm...

What the heck are you guys doing?
Anyway, getting back on topic, here's a random thing from me about my special someone:
Omniad Ede Zara Aiama. [That's Mythavean, for those who want to know.]

My love life is too complicated right now. I found a pretty Filipina on Ok Cupid. Not as pretty as my old flame. I start chatting to her. She's 22 years old. I chat to her and after two days she reveals she was using her younger sister's account. She's really 31. Less pretty. She has bad skin.

I was so sad but I kind of like her personality. I like how submissive she is. She tells me she will cook breakfast lunch and tea. She says she will have my breakfast ready before I get up. She's overweight. I tell her I want to go on a diet and she does. She's submissive and obedient. This pleases me.

But she's more than 30. And she has a daughter. I'm not sure that I want to raise someone's kid. She says she wants me to bring her whole family to Australia. Too much. I feel very conflicted and think of leaving her for a girl from my past. Maybe the obese Chinese girl or maybe that underweight Filipina, my old flame. The one with the pretty face.


I loved that flame so much, we were meant for each other. But a month ago I said something really rude to her and she blocked me. I felt so bad. Just because of my stupidity I ruined my life and lost the only girl really meant for me. And now I have this other Filipine girl. She's not as passionate but she's less reserved about sex, has a better sense of humour, and obeys me without question. I like how she calls me boss. That really turns me on. I want to dominate.

But the flame, she was more passionate. She looked like a supermodel. One time she actually one a beauty pageant. Her only flaw is that she's flat chested. Now I have the 31 year old. Already ruined her body from pregnancy. I tell her I never want to be a father. She says that's OK. If only she didn't already have a kid. The flame? Before she said I must give her two kids. I don't like kids but I'm afraid to get a vasectomy incase I one day change my mind.

The flame, she is a fiery one. Uncontrollable and intense. She will not obey me. She's sometimes inconsistent. And she's not as good at cooking as the 31 year old. I tried to make the fiery one go on a diet but she's already underweight so I had to stop.

The 31 year old created her own account and we started chatting. At one point I forgot which account she was and messaged her sister. She wasn't mad though. I still have thoughts of the old flame. I find that she's unblocked me. I ask her forgiveness. Then I remember it's late at night so I apologize for waking her up.

She says she might forgive me in the morning but it's late. The 31 year old asks if I still love the flame. I say I do. Then I promise to forget her. I can never forget her. Not sure how to proceed from here. Feeling confused and over stimulated from the amphetamine based study drugs I took to cram overnight for my exam tomorrow.

^How is being flat chested a flaw?!?!?!?! I'm practically flat chested, and I don't consider that a flaw at all!
I would suggest thinking things through carefully and telling both women that you need to think about things. Also, taking medication to cram study is really bad for both your body and mentality, and I would suggest that you stop.
I have Chronic Hero Syndrome...I always leap into action to help people because I can't stand seeing anyone in pain or upset.

^ Ok. It's mean of me to say being flat chested is a flaw. It's just that I'm worried if I spend my life old flame I'll never know what a breast feels like. I like how old flame is really skinny. I think it's not possible to be really skinny and busty at the same time.

Maybe I should tell them I want to think about things. But I'm afraid they'll get even more mad at me than they already are. You're right that I shouldn't be misusing Phentermine for for study purposes. It's already bad enough even when it's used for it's intended purpose. I'm sorry but I'm not a really good student like you probably are. That's why I wanted to use a performance enhancing substance.

Also I don't think being the hero is a syndrome or disorder. It is a noble trait. It's very good that you want to help people in trouble. Your efforts will not go unrewarded. If you save many people, you will win many allies. One day they may help you when you're in trouble.

I know that's not the reason you saved them though. Unlike me you're selfless. I wish you the best with that guy you like who keeps messaging you. I hope you get to meet him for real.

Well, if they understand you and your feelings, then they likely won't get mad at you.
Oh, thank you! I seem to attract people wherever I go. I guess it's because I'm nice so people like me.
I hope I get to meet him for real, too! We might even be able to meet up at the Toronto Comic Con in March!

You may be right. Sometimes I make people mad because I do bad things. But sometimes after I explain myself they understand. Sometimes I act without thinking or act out of fear instead of reason.

I hope you two have fun at Comic Con! I know it's hard for you being in a long distance relationship. From experience I know they can be very difficult. I've had a number of them, sometimes several at once.

I know it's bad for me to be unfaithful but as I said, I act out of fear. I worry if I do something wrong they will leave me. But it's wrong of me to use people as contingency plans. I do it because I used to feel so alone. I fear being that way again. It was an awful feeling.

But that doesn't justify it. I will try to use your example and act out of compassion and kindness, rather than acting out of fear.

I have kind of come to the conclusion that staying in fear and worrying all the time doesn't help anyone and could only make things worse by focusing on the negative stuff, so I try to be sunshiny and happy instead.
So far things have been going great, and I'm going to send him a Christmas card and little presents.

One day I will meet you or at least see you for the first time ever and I can't wait for that day to happen :U