Do aspies form crushes easy?

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For some reason, I crush on men without knowing them very well... Most of the time they see it as creepy... Do I just keep it inside? One of my aunt's told me to forever stay single because I'd be "happier" and not even get a roommate!! ! But right now I'm really depressed and even wish I had a sex life!! ! I'm flirting with that one guy and he flirts back but I don't know how good that is so soon after my husband passed. I could be taken advantage of in this state of mind badly...

I certainly do and hate it!! I'm very much a "love at first sight" kind of guy but it's almost never mutual.

I cannot speak for all aspies, but there was a time when I would form a crush on just about every new girl I met.

Then I hit puberty...

When I fall for someone, I fall hard. I get a crush, then I get crushed.

Yep: same here.
Instantaneously smitten many, many times.
I spent three years in my teens crushing over a girl who wasn’t interested just because she said something kind to me once

It can be dangerous to fall so hard and so fast for someone you barely know... They may turn out to be a much less pleasant & kind person than you imagined.
(I spent my twenties learning the hard way)

I've never been prone to crushes, fortunately.

I've often had intense special interests, but they always revolved around some topic, or an activity, or an abstract ideal, or occasionally a group of people, but never an individual person.

I wonder to what extent the crush-proneness of many people is natural vs. to what extent it is a result of (or at least exacerbated by) the influence of pop culture. "Love at first sight" happens in movies all the time because a movie is only a couple of hours long; hence there's just not enough time to show a relationship developing in any reasonable way.

My own absence of crush-proneness is probably due, at least in part, to my upbringing. During my formative years, my mother (and various books she had around the house, plus a televangelist she like to watch during my preadolescence) strongly drilled it into my head that it takes a long time to get to know a person, and hence that "love at first sight" is a nonsensical, deceptive mirage. (At first sight, you can't possibly love the actual person; you can love only a very incomplete image of the person that you have in your head.)

I don't know if the following suggestion would be of any help to people who are crush-prone and tormented by same: At the first sign of an impending crush, nip it in the bud immediately by reminding yourself of how little you know the person, and by reminding yourself that what you've started to crush on is only an image in your head, not the actual person. The actual person might be absolutely wonderful, or they might be utterly evil underneath their charming exterior, or they might be any number of things in between, and in any case they might be incompatible with you in any number of possible ways. You just don't know yet.

Same here. Except I only developed one crush in my life & it turned into an obsession that's been going on 10 years now despite me even getting a girlfriend. She has NO idea I even exist. I could live with it if I could at least be part of her life somehow, like close inner-circle of friends. Maybe the problem for me is that I become obsessed with women I love & worry about them & I genuinely love my crush.

It is a sign of desperation - which is common among aspies.

If I am an aspie, then I will say "YES!" (Actually like the poster below said).

Last edited by Mountain Goat on 03 Mar 2020, 6:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I don't fall often or easily, but when I do I fall hard.

I've never "not" had a crush. Even as a little girl I used to idolise some of the other little girls and want to be them. I think it was my insecurity wishing I was NT, but not knowing the vocabulary. Then with boys and men, yes ... I always have a heart throb. I'm sure NT people have lots of crushes too, but I think for autistic people we just really crave that feeling of "connection".

I did that a lot and easily when very young; with experience, things changed to the opposite.

I was very desperate & lonely when my crush developed but I was that way a long time before I had that crush too. The crush did go away when I had my 2nd girlfriend but that was only a 6 month relationship & the crush went away for like a year after I got my current girlfriend but it came back for some reason I don't know.

While I was probably 'desperate' (even though I despise that term), that wasn't until I was 29 and took the first person to actually tell me they found me attractive. When I was in school (and even pre-school!) I tended to become obsessed with a particular girl only to be devastated when I found something I didn't like about them: one for example cut her beautiful long blonde hair off and dyed it a hideous light purple, another turned out to be rude and inconsiderate. I quickly moved on to the next crush though and never felt bad for being single as I wasn't really ready for a relationship.


It was more like three months but yes, I crushed hard over someone who actually said a nice (non-romantic) thing to me as it was about the only time in Junior High a girl actually didn't say something nasty to me. Turns out she was not a nice person but I was blinded by the compliment. It's easy for someone surrounded by water to call someone stuck in a hot desert for hours desperate and irrational for wanting water.


Very true, but easier said than done with my younger self. For example, even though it was drilled into my head at my first job that a shoplifter could literally be anyone and there is no "standard" or stereotype, I could not wrap my head around the fact that the young, attractive woman (or man) who was well dressed and well spoken with perfect hair and teeth was actually nothing more than a thief and was ripped off more than once. When I was online dating, I could not accept that many of these attractive women were actually nasty people under the surface and were single for a reason. No matter how many times I would repeat this mantra I would continue to be blindsided again and again and blame myself for their nasty behavior rather than accept that looks can be deceiving.


That's probably what happened with me: when you have very few friends growing up (and none of them could be considered to be psychological healthy) you tend to use movies as your frame of reference. I would pretty much act like a movie character because I had no idea otherwise how to interact with others.

During my high school years, I fell for a bunch of girls very easily given that I was an outcast who had no clue how to be social amongst girls without coming off as a creep.

However, I am glad nothing happened between me and girls who I fell for given that most of my peers were hipster-wannabes, punk-rocker types, or those who enjoyed taking themselves too seriously.

Falling in love easily is the story of my life