What do I need to do differently?

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Alliekit
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10 Jan 2017, 1:54 pm

Marknis wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
This is just a different take on it but what do you want in a girlfriend realistically (so not like ultimate dream girl).

Do you want a gf for the sake of having a gf or is there a type of person your looking for.

I think girls are put off by someone who would date anyone because then there is a chance they are with you because they are lonely and don't truly love you


It's the latter. I don't see the point in being with someone who you do don't share common interests. Sure, it doesn't have to be every single interest, just enough.

My older brother seemed to date just for the sake of having someone and it would lead to disaster. He would find it strange that I wanted a girlfriend who had common interests and would say stuff like "You just need someone to go to the movies with" even though he hated the movies his girlfriend's liked. He even told me recently the woman he's stuck with (Also the mother of three of kids) likes what he calls "retarded" and doesn't agree with her on politics (He considers himself a hardcore conservative, she a liberal). Their relationship is very turbulent and has actually fallen apart a few times but she'll use the kids against him to bring him back. Before he moved away to live with this woman (After they had their second break up), he told my father that he had nice girls come to him but he always turned them down because he wanted a "challenge". :roll:


I apologise but your brother sounds like a bit of an arsehole.

I agree its good to find someone with common interests but remember they don't have to be exactly the same



Marknis
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10 Jan 2017, 4:55 pm

Alliekit wrote:
Marknis wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
This is just a different take on it but what do you want in a girlfriend realistically (so not like ultimate dream girl).

Do you want a gf for the sake of having a gf or is there a type of person your looking for.

I think girls are put off by someone who would date anyone because then there is a chance they are with you because they are lonely and don't truly love you


It's the latter. I don't see the point in being with someone who you do don't share common interests. Sure, it doesn't have to be every single interest, just enough.

My older brother seemed to date just for the sake of having someone and it would lead to disaster. He would find it strange that I wanted a girlfriend who had common interests and would say stuff like "You just need someone to go to the movies with" even though he hated the movies his girlfriend's liked. He even told me recently the woman he's stuck with (Also the mother of three of kids) likes what he calls "retarded" and doesn't agree with her on politics (He considers himself a hardcore conservative, she a liberal). Their relationship is very turbulent and has actually fallen apart a few times but she'll use the kids against him to bring him back. Before he moved away to live with this woman (After they had their second break up), he told my father that he had nice girls come to him but he always turned them down because he wanted a "challenge". :roll:


I apologise but your brother sounds like a bit of an arsehole.

I agree its good to find someone with common interests but remember they don't have to be exactly the same


Trust me, it's more than a bit. When you are not only berated and punched constantly but told you will go to Hell as well, it's easy to see why I'd rather not be around him.

Do you mean as in them liking the same media, just different titles or series?



Alliekit
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10 Jan 2017, 5:06 pm

Marknis wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
Marknis wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
This is just a different take on it but what do you want in a girlfriend realistically (so not like ultimate dream girl).

Do you want a gf for the sake of having a gf or is there a type of person your looking for.

I think girls are put off by someone who would date anyone because then there is a chance they are with you because they are lonely and don't truly love you


It's the latter. I don't see the point in being with someone who you do don't share common interests. Sure, it doesn't have to be every single interest, just enough.

My older brother seemed to date just for the sake of having someone and it would lead to disaster. He would find it strange that I wanted a girlfriend who had common interests and would say stuff like "You just need someone to go to the movies with" even though he hated the movies his girlfriend's liked. He even told me recently the woman he's stuck with (Also the mother of three of kids) likes what he calls "retarded" and doesn't agree with her on politics (He considers himself a hardcore conservative, she a liberal). Their relationship is very turbulent and has actually fallen apart a few times but she'll use the kids against him to bring him back. Before he moved away to live with this woman (After they had their second break up), he told my father that he had nice girls come to him but he always turned them down because he wanted a "challenge". :roll:


I apologise but your brother sounds like a bit of an arsehole.

I agree its good to find someone with common interests but remember they don't have to be exactly the same


Trust me, it's more than a bit. When you are not only berated and punched constantly but told you will go to Hell as well, it's easy to see why I'd rather not be around him.

Do you mean as in them liking the same media, just different titles or series?


yea that and also like me and my partner both love video games but he is a big fan of craft ales while I dont like them at all. Like its good to have similar and dissimilar interests. Similarly I am a massive science geek whereas he doesnt really care but will still make an effort to listen to me about it



Marknis
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11 Jan 2017, 2:19 am

Alliekit wrote:
Marknis wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
Marknis wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
This is just a different take on it but what do you want in a girlfriend realistically (so not like ultimate dream girl).

Do you want a gf for the sake of having a gf or is there a type of person your looking for.

I think girls are put off by someone who would date anyone because then there is a chance they are with you because they are lonely and don't truly love you


It's the latter. I don't see the point in being with someone who you do don't share common interests. Sure, it doesn't have to be every single interest, just enough.

My older brother seemed to date just for the sake of having someone and it would lead to disaster. He would find it strange that I wanted a girlfriend who had common interests and would say stuff like "You just need someone to go to the movies with" even though he hated the movies his girlfriend's liked. He even told me recently the woman he's stuck with (Also the mother of three of kids) likes what he calls "retarded" and doesn't agree with her on politics (He considers himself a hardcore conservative, she a liberal). Their relationship is very turbulent and has actually fallen apart a few times but she'll use the kids against him to bring him back. Before he moved away to live with this woman (After they had their second break up), he told my father that he had nice girls come to him but he always turned them down because he wanted a "challenge". :roll:


I apologise but your brother sounds like a bit of an arsehole.

I agree its good to find someone with common interests but remember they don't have to be exactly the same


Trust me, it's more than a bit. When you are not only berated and punched constantly but told you will go to Hell as well, it's easy to see why I'd rather not be around him.

Do you mean as in them liking the same media, just different titles or series?


yea that and also like me and my partner both love video games but he is a big fan of craft ales while I dont like them at all. Like its good to have similar and dissimilar interests. Similarly I am a massive science geek whereas he doesnt really care but will still make an effort to listen to me about it


I can handle dissimilar interests as long as they aren't something I can't talk about at all or as long as they don't outweigh the common interests. I will say that I can't find any proper wavelength with overly religious women. The women my parents and grandmother tried to set me up with were very religious, wanted to go to church, wanted to be "good girls", and liked really sappy music. Anyone who bases my value as a human being on being a "good Christian man" comes across as being shallow to me.



Marknis
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11 Jan 2017, 12:28 pm

Some might ask why I don't feel up to being in a relationship with someone just because there aren't enough common interests. I just know from experience that I find talking to others with common or similar intetests more natural to me. If it's something I don't know much about (Sports, cars, politics, economics, math, etc.), I feel lost on how to respond.



Marknis
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12 Jan 2017, 5:12 pm

I find it hard to feel hopeful about my life going in a better direction when I've had so many disappointments and failures for the last ten years of my life. Even among aspies, I feel behind, especially when I read other dating posts and the adult sections. It's like the entire aspie world is having a huge dating and sex party while my invitation got lost in the mail.



Bataar
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12 Jan 2017, 8:22 pm

You need to go out and do things. For some reason, it took me forever to realize this. I go to work where there are no prospects and then I go home. At home, I cook, play with my dog, watch TV, play video games, etc. That's all I still do because I can't think of anything I want to do outside of my house, but at least I know why I'm not meeting anyone.