Red flags in dating? Early stages

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Luhluhluh
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11 Jan 2017, 3:16 pm

Hexen wrote:
Thank you! See, I told you there are women who ACTUALLY agree with me. I guess you don't speak for all women after all, Luhluhluh.


I didn't say "all women" I said "women everywhere."

No one is stopping you from preferring and finding a conservative-minded woman who wants to stay home and not go out to happy hour. I'm not understanding the attitude?


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TheSpectrum
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11 Jan 2017, 3:17 pm

feral botanist wrote:
The philosophy forum is a little less strict on the rules, but in the other forums, let make sure we are being supportive of everyone.
You'd be amazed how difficult that is. Everything triggers here.


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nurseangela
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11 Jan 2017, 3:18 pm

Hexen wrote:
Luhluhluh wrote:
Hexen wrote:
So, let me get this straight. It is illegal to drive drunk, if you go into work drunk you get fired, alcohol affects judgment so you don't think rationally on it; yet it isn't a red flag to get drunk in public without your partner?

So, if I wanted to go get drunk with my buddies and goto a club where there are drunk girls, that's not an issue?


Not really, no.

Because you're equating drinking ANY amount of alcohol to getting impaired drunk.

You're comparing getting slightly buzzed and relaxed after one beer to knocking back shots. Yes, there is a difference.

But I seem to remember seeing another one of your posts where you equate women working and having a career to evil feminism, so I'm considering the source.

You should find a woman who thinks like you do; who wants to stay home and have babies. And that's okay. We all have our preferences.

Snarky, snarky. Are you expecting me to cry? I never stated it was evil for women to have a career. Go and re-read my post. Furthermore, again they are putting themselves in a bad situation and gee I wonder why ever woman I talk to over the age of 35 agrees with me. I will go look for a woman that is happy being a housewife and treating their husband wonderfully. It would certainly be better than being with a woman such as yourself, that makes excuses for women who have as you would say "loose" lifestyles.


Actually , you are a traditionalist. I find this quite refreshing. We have a lot of feminists here. I for one, wouldn't have minded being a housewife in my 30's if I was planning a family. I ended up not finding the right Hunny and had to find a way to provide for myself - hence the nursing career. Now I don't want kids and am pretty involved with my career and education so I know I will be having a job for the rest of my life and want a Hunny who also has a decent career (or a job that is more than just a 9-5). The younger generation of women have been conditioned that they can be both a mother and a career woman and being a realist, I know that isn't possible. That is why there are so many divorces these days. My Ma was a stay-at-home Ma and I loved it. Families just aren't like that anymore. It's hard to find a guy these days that even has a decent job to support a family of four - most of the time you need two incomes to have the same lifestyle that our parents had. People also expect to have more luxuries so two incomes are needed. IMO, I think the feminist movement ruined marriages and families. I also think that both men and women in the younger generations have been conditioned to want a wife that works and that sets up women for a disaster because most are not able to perform both jobs of a career woman and mother 100% making most women unhappy in their marriages and leading to more divorces.


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Hexen
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11 Jan 2017, 3:19 pm

Luhluhluh wrote:
Hexen wrote:
Thank you! See, I told you there are women who ACTUALLY agree with me. I guess you don't speak for all women after all, Luhluhluh.


I didn't say "all women" I said "women everywhere."

No one is stopping you from preferring and finding a conservative-minded woman who wants to stay home and not go out to happy hour. I'm not understanding the attitude?

Women everywhere, or all women could be viewed as the same thing; at the very least you are implying women other than yourself. Also, when you added the :D that implied sarcasm; hence the attitude.



Luhluhluh
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11 Jan 2017, 3:19 pm

Hexen wrote:
Call me crazy, but just because a few people whom I've never met on an aspergers forum tell me I have trust issues and I should date women who bar hop; doesn't make it a good idea. Even a woman on the forum agreed with me, but I guess she doesn't receieve "constructive criticism". It's funny how that works.


Citation please. Specifically, where was this bolded statement said.


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Sabreclaw
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11 Jan 2017, 3:21 pm

selflessness wrote:
Why can't we all just be nice to one another and not assume the worst??


Because where's the fun in that?



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11 Jan 2017, 3:22 pm

feral botanist wrote:
TheSpectrum wrote:
Hexen wrote:
blackicmenace wrote:
TheSpectrum wrote:
White knighting is a red flag :lol:


I will happily accept that designation. I have always spoken my mind and helped those who are bullied or look like they need help.

So these women are weak and thus need your help, because they cannot defend themselves?

Yeah. I think men and women should be able to debate on a forum without any sort of intervention or nannying.



The philosophy forum is a little less strict on the rules, but in the other forums, let make sure we are being supportive of everyone.


Thanks. We all have unique viewpoints that at times will clash with others on opposing sides of the spectrum per say. We can agree to disagree and move on. We can agree with others that don't support your own viewpoint. We can accept constructive criticism by being objective. Or we can side with our confirmation bias and reject the opposing viewpoint.


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11 Jan 2017, 3:24 pm

nurseangela wrote:
Anyone going to the bar really still wants to be single and play the field, IMO.


What any bar? Do you really think that people can't go out and have a drink with friends at a bar without playing the field?



Hexen
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11 Jan 2017, 3:24 pm

Luhluhluh wrote:
Hexen wrote:
Call me crazy, but just because a few people whom I've never met on an aspergers forum tell me I have trust issues and I should date women who bar hop; doesn't make it a good idea. Even a woman on the forum agreed with me, but I guess she doesn't receieve "constructive criticism". It's funny how that works.


Citation please. Specifically, where was this bolded statement said.

"I would consider it a red flag to have a boyfriend who didn't want me to go out with my girlfriends to happy hour because he equates drinking alcohol to a loose lifestyle or something. "



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11 Jan 2017, 3:25 pm

In response to someone's post who wrote about someone could have an ASD or a personality disorder, I don't care what disorder anyone has, if any of your behavior is toxic and overwhelming for me and it's going cause you to do abuse and control me and bring down my low self esteem and give me anxiety and be so cold towards me and non empathetic and non understanding, and bring me into depression, you're out of here. A label doesn't matter, only the behavior does and how you make me feel and how well you treat me. Being a martyr isn't good for you and either is white knighting.


Now more red flags: Trying to get me to cut off friends just because they are not the right gender and getting mad at me for who I talk to. I bet my ex would have also gotten mad at me if I wanted to go out with friends or go to groups and he tried to get me to cut off my online friends who weren't female and telling me I can only talk to aspie ones. Really I shouldn't have to go online and then ignore anyone who isn't a woman and imagine if someone sent me a PM and I ignore it because they were a guy? What kind of life would that be not being able to interact with anyone online unless they were a woman?


Trust issues is also another red flag.


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11 Jan 2017, 3:27 pm

I wouldn't want a girlfriend going out to bars. Surely people could find nicer places to go out with friends?



blackicmenace
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11 Jan 2017, 3:27 pm

TheSpectrum wrote:
I wouldn't date a lady who bar hops, either, and I work in one.
I don't feel the need to do it - it seems to be the kind of thing someone single does.
Perhaps it's a generational thing, or a need to keep up with friends in the sense of not looking like a wet blanket. But all my friends are older and settled down so that sort of behaviour with them is associated with sad lonely people wanting to hook up.


For me, it would need much more supporting information to make that conclusion. Case by case, some people may be more trustworthy than others. If there is a question of trust, then the relationship would be in question from the get go.


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Hexen
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11 Jan 2017, 3:28 pm

nurseangela wrote:
Hexen wrote:
Luhluhluh wrote:
Hexen wrote:
So, let me get this straight. It is illegal to drive drunk, if you go into work drunk you get fired, alcohol affects judgment so you don't think rationally on it; yet it isn't a red flag to get drunk in public without your partner?

So, if I wanted to go get drunk with my buddies and goto a club where there are drunk girls, that's not an issue?


Not really, no.

Because you're equating drinking ANY amount of alcohol to getting impaired drunk.

You're comparing getting slightly buzzed and relaxed after one beer to knocking back shots. Yes, there is a difference.

But I seem to remember seeing another one of your posts where you equate women working and having a career to evil feminism, so I'm considering the source.

You should find a woman who thinks like you do; who wants to stay home and have babies. And that's okay. We all have our preferences.

Snarky, snarky. Are you expecting me to cry? I never stated it was evil for women to have a career. Go and re-read my post. Furthermore, again they are putting themselves in a bad situation and gee I wonder why ever woman I talk to over the age of 35 agrees with me. I will go look for a woman that is happy being a housewife and treating their husband wonderfully. It would certainly be better than being with a woman such as yourself, that makes excuses for women who have as you would say "loose" lifestyles.


Actually , you are a traditionalist. I find this quite refreshing. We have a lot of feminists here. I for one, wouldn't have minded being a housewife in my 30's if I was planning a family. I ended up not finding the right Hunny and had to find a way to provide for myself - hence the nursing career. Now I don't want kids and am pretty involved with my career and education so I know I will be having a job for the rest of my life and want a Hunny who also has a decent career (or a job that is more than just a 9-5). The younger generation of women have been conditioned that they can be both a mother and a career woman and being a realist, I know that isn't possible. That is why there are so many divorces these days. My Ma was a stay-at-home Ma and I loved it. Families just aren't like that anymore. It's hard to find a guy these days that even has a decent job to support a family of four - most of the time you need two incomes to have the same lifestyle that our parents had. People also expect to have more luxuries so two incomes are needed. IMO, I think the feminist movement ruined marriages and families. I also think that both men and women in the younger generations have been conditioned to want a wife that works and that sets up women for a disaster because most are not able to perform both jobs of a career woman and mother 100% making most women unhappy in their marriages and leading to more divorces.

Thank you. So few on here have views that are hardcore progressive liberal. I'm in the process now of setting myself up to become a sleep study technician. They make on average around $52,000 a year and I hope to work up to supervisor. I am doing what I can to make myself a good provider. People on here actually got angry at me for talking about having ambition. This forum is ridiculous.



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11 Jan 2017, 3:28 pm

Hexen wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
He has his red flags; you have your red flags - why are you all attacking him?

He's not your boyfriend.


Here I am adding one:

Implying what others' red flags should be and shouldn't be is a red flag for me :p.

Thank you. Female members always attack the male members on at Wrongplanet.


That's because we feel like you guys don't understand the female perspective. It seems like you guys don't really know any women your own age and have no concept of how women really are with some of the things you come put with. Your references are older relatives and clichés from TV and movies and the clichés perpetuated in forums like this.

We're not specially aiming to attack, mire to defend ourselves because we feel like you guys would rather believe stereotypes that actually get to know real women.

I'm not a party animal, but I do enjoy meeting my female friends in public places where alcohol is served and none of us have turned to the dark side (whatever that may be).

I too would view it as a red flag if a man wouldn't let me go and meet up at a bar with my girlfriends. It seems excessively controlling.

Would you at least meet half way and see that going out once in a while with a girls group would be fun for her? Can you see that she's not going to hook up with guys, she's just spending time bonding with her mates?

I think we need to define "bar hopping". Is it just meeting mates once a week or every other week or more frequently?



Luhluhluh
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11 Jan 2017, 3:30 pm

Hexen wrote:
Luhluhluh wrote:
Hexen wrote:
Call me crazy, but just because a few people whom I've never met on an aspergers forum tell me I have trust issues and I should date women who bar hop; doesn't make it a good idea. Even a woman on the forum agreed with me, but I guess she doesn't receieve "constructive criticism". It's funny how that works.


Citation please. Specifically, where was this bolded statement said.

"I would consider it a red flag to have a boyfriend who didn't want me to go out with my girlfriends to happy hour because he equates drinking alcohol to a loose lifestyle or something. "


This statement was about me. That I would consider it a red flag. The subject of that statement was "I."

But that's not what you said. You said "... a few people... tell me I should date women who bar hop."

So again, where was this said? Who said you should date women who bar hop? Who is telling you who you should date?


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nurseangela
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11 Jan 2017, 3:30 pm

hurtloam wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
Anyone going to the bar really still wants to be single and play the field, IMO.


What any bar? Do you really think that people can't go out and have a drink with friends at a bar without playing the field?


Actually, in this stage in my life since I stopped drinking any alcohol, I want a Hunny that doesn't drink at all. If I'm at home doing homework or working, I expect to not come home to a Hunny who is imbibing or drunk or tipsy for that matter. I don't have time for that kind of stuff anymore. I need someone who can live with out any alcohol.


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Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.