Red flags in dating? Early stages

Page 2 of 16 [ 240 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 16  Next

League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 21,873
Location: Pacific Northwest

10 Jan 2017, 12:26 pm

None of my ex's were smokers to be honest but if anyone smells like smoke, red flag because I know that there are smokers that do smoke in their house and car so if that is how they smell, that is how their home and car smells too. I know of smokers who do smoke but their homes do not smell that way nor their clothes because they do it outside or in the smoking room. But the rest were my personal experience except my ex's room was a mess because he lived with his parents and the rest of the house was normal because his parents cleaned it.


_________________
I have a quilt of labels. I had a language disorder and a speech disorder. Then communication disorder NOS. My other diagnoses have been Language Processing disorder, dyspraxia, SPD, OCD, ADD, Asperger’s, anxiety disorder, adjustment disorder, anorexia nervosa. My mom’s labels of me are: eating disorder, anorexia, social anxiety, PTSD, just being sensitive and having the victim complex when I was a kid. And of course she says I’m normal and says the only thing I had as a child was language. Huh? I must have been a shitty person then and maybe a difficult child I was who had to be labeled because of incompetent school staff and mean kids who didn’t accept differences and because I was trying to be “normal.” :/

My blog: https://mynoneabdlthoughts.wordpress.com/


MsV
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 31 Dec 2015
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 193

10 Jan 2017, 12:55 pm

Even as a smoker I hate the smell, it's why I go outside :lol:
I have medicine to help quit but it intensifies your mood aaaand let's just say now isn't the best time :P



feral botanist
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 5 Jul 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 879
Location: in the dry land

10 Jan 2017, 1:03 pm

MsV wrote:

- completely ignoring any boundaries you set

- telling you the way you're feeling isn't really what you feel and replacing your description with the 'correct one' - even though it's not

- saying it's so cute when you tell them you're not ok with their behavior

- wanting to make all of your decisions for you



These are the ones that would really worry me. This indicates a lack of respect for you and your needs. These would also indicate a possibility of an abuser.



League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 21,873
Location: Pacific Northwest

10 Jan 2017, 2:30 pm

feral botanist wrote:
MsV wrote:

- completely ignoring any boundaries you set

- telling you the way you're feeling isn't really what you feel and replacing your description with the 'correct one' - even though it's not

- saying it's so cute when you tell them you're not ok with their behavior

- wanting to make all of your decisions for you


These are the ones that would really worry me. This indicates a lack of respect for you and your needs. These would also indicate a possibility of an abuser.



I used to talk to a guy online who was still an underage teen at the time and I was 18 and he always dictated how I felt and seemed to be in charge of my feelings like if I told him he was making me uncomfortable, he would tell me I wasn't feel anything and he wouldn't let me quit talking to him because he would quit coming back and get nasty with me for blocking him and telling me to quit it. Totally a creep and a narcissist and I also felt he was emotionally violent. I say he stalked me because he wouldn't leave me alone because he would contact me under different screen names and he was like a virus I couldn't get rid of. I also felt he didn't take me seriously because anything about me was cute and I also couldn't set boundaries with this person because he would violate them and then blame it on Asperger's and he wasn't even diagnosed. He self diagnosed and got worse after that and started this behavior which is why I never bought into the aspie thing and I didn't have this issue with them anyway except him and I never bought he had it. Now that my friend is a textbook example of why lot of people hate the self diagnosed aspies and say they use it as an excuse.


_________________
I have a quilt of labels. I had a language disorder and a speech disorder. Then communication disorder NOS. My other diagnoses have been Language Processing disorder, dyspraxia, SPD, OCD, ADD, Asperger’s, anxiety disorder, adjustment disorder, anorexia nervosa. My mom’s labels of me are: eating disorder, anorexia, social anxiety, PTSD, just being sensitive and having the victim complex when I was a kid. And of course she says I’m normal and says the only thing I had as a child was language. Huh? I must have been a shitty person then and maybe a difficult child I was who had to be labeled because of incompetent school staff and mean kids who didn’t accept differences and because I was trying to be “normal.” :/

My blog: https://mynoneabdlthoughts.wordpress.com/


hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,868
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

10 Jan 2017, 2:50 pm

whatamievendoing wrote:
MsV wrote:
- saying any guy who shows you kindness is just trying to get in your pants


While there's no denying that such individuals exist, you do need to take note that by no means is every man like that. I for one represent the type that's kind out of general courtesy towards everyone.


No she's not saying the red flag was that her ex was showing kindness, she means her ex said to her that every guy who showed her kindness was trying to get in her pants. He was saying this out of jealousy and possessiveness which are red flags.


_________________
They got a name for the winners in the world
I want a name when I lose


Alliekit
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Mar 2016
Age: 23
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,182
Location: England

10 Jan 2017, 3:19 pm

- if he says no one else will love you apart from him
- if he calls you ugly and makes you feel bad about yourself
- if he tells you you cant get anyone else



MsV
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 31 Dec 2015
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 193

10 Jan 2017, 5:15 pm

Thanks you all. Confirms I'm not bonkers myself... and probably dodged a bullet before the really scary stuff reared its head.
Really. A lot of people are incredibly skilled at fooling others. Wish I knew how to notice it from the get go.

Hurtloam, totally on point there.
Feral botanist, I suspected this but wasn't sure...
League girl, sounds like textbook narcissism tbh. Sorry that happened to you...
Alliekit that's scary stuff...



Alliekit
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Mar 2016
Age: 23
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,182
Location: England

10 Jan 2017, 5:20 pm

MsV wrote:
Thanks you all. Confirms I'm not bonkers myself... and probably dodged a bullet before the really scary stuff reared its head.
Really. A lot of people are incredibly skilled at fooling others. Wish I knew how to notice it from the get go.

Hurtloam, totally on point there.
Feral botanist, I suspected this but wasn't sure...
League girl, sounds like textbook narcissism tbh. Sorry that happened to you...
Alliekit that's scary stuff...


My cousin looks really young and innocent so she has been caught up in bad things twice. These are things she has been told constantly and she believes it.

I think all women should know that a boyfriend saying things like that isnt normal



Boxman108
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Jan 2012
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,857
Location: NH

10 Jan 2017, 5:28 pm

If they ask for favors and hesitate to return any, always expect you to pay for stuff, only ever tell you what you want to hear, ignore texts, send you their nudes and tell you not to tell their boyfriends or husbands f*****g lol it's no wonder I've lost all romanticism or respect for anyone anymore


_________________
About suffering they were never wrong,
The Old Masters: how well they understood
Its human position; how it takes place
While someone else is eating or opening a window or
just walking dully along...


wilburforce
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Sep 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,940

10 Jan 2017, 6:36 pm

TheSpectrum wrote:
Rope, lube and duct tape in their passenger seat.


hahahahah funny rape joke. :|


_________________
"Ego non immanis, sed mea immanis telum." ~ Ares, God of War

(Note to Moderators: my warning number is wrong on my profile but apparently can't be fixed so I will note here that it is actually 2, not 3--the warning issued to me on Aug 20 2016 was a mistake but I've been told it can't be removed.)


TheSpectrum
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Jun 2014
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,727
Location: Hampshire

10 Jan 2017, 7:37 pm

wilburforce wrote:
TheSpectrum wrote:
Rope, lube and duct tape in their passenger seat.


hahahahah funny rape joke. :|

You really need to stop shouting in empty rooms.


_________________
Yours sincerely, some dude.


The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 23,978
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

10 Jan 2017, 7:54 pm

- Listing a lot of red flags on a forum.
:twisted:



Hexen
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

Joined: 19 Nov 2016
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 188

10 Jan 2017, 7:55 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
- Listing a lot of red flags on a forum.
:twisted:

lol



Hexen
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

Joined: 19 Nov 2016
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 188

10 Jan 2017, 8:00 pm

Lots of male friends on social media
pic comments from male friends
taking long to text back
having a lot of male friends
smoking
has been in "an open relationship"
States they're a socialist while texting from their iPhone
Didn't have a good relationship with their father
history of dating abusive men
likes going to bars and clubs



Alliekit
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Mar 2016
Age: 23
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,182
Location: England

10 Jan 2017, 8:04 pm

^
What's wrong with going to bars and clubs?